We can’t Control What Women Wear – a Christian Perspective on Modesty

I understand…

I do. In fact, maybe I understand better than MOST women… You see, I’ve taken tests. I’ve been to counseling. I’ve told people who I trust what “turns me on” and how “triggered” I am. Supposedly, I’m quite a bit more so than many of the women I know.

Here’s a bizarre example. The other day, my husband and I were playing a video game together. It’s a zombie apocalypse game. And while there are topless “stripper zombies” that you RARELY if ever come into contact with (I stay away from most places that they are found)… there isn’t anything remotely sexual about this game. It’s basically MineCraft for adults. My husband’s character turns… and for some reason, his SHIRT (in game) and the way it was resting against him sent me reeling. I had to calm myself for a moment.

This might sound bizarre… but… this happens every day. All the time. I’m only giving you this example and prefacing all of this with this to show you… I get it.

Your eyes, your smile, the way you look at me, the shirt you’re wearing, your shoes, your boots, the way you talk to me… I’m heightened to ALL of it… and this is just one of the many things that I’ve had to grow up with in “sin” and struggle.

I HAVE fallen to porn (although I am not addicted to it in any way) I HAVE fantasized, I HAVE had struggles with masturbation… all of these things. I…get…it…

Do you know what I DON’T do? Blame you. Yes, you. Men…. I don’t blame you men. You are not / were not responsible for my lust, or making the hair on my arms stand up, (Well, one or two, but because there was an attempt at something nefarious…) You see… you don’t know me. You weren’t in my head. You didn’t know that I liked “that smell…” or that I was triggered by “those jeans” or “that shirt.” How could you possibly know that men with eyes that color drive me crazy? Or that I find glasses attractive to an unhealthy point? Maybe you didn’t know that if you have an earring, I’m instantly more attracted to you even if you’re ugly… or that if you’re wearing NICE black shoes or boots, I’ll look, and am trying NOT to think about it all throughout the day. And you CERTAINLY didn’t know that all of these things combined are an atomic disaster waiting to happen.

You didn’t know.

Guess what? Neither do we… (Women)…

I have a few wonderful male friends who I love with all of my heart… but I often see them complain about women’s clothing. I see them talk about how we don’t know the “STRUGGLE” that they go through, or that men are VISUAL, or that they’re “HURTING” etc… They say, “women can never understandddddddddddddddd…” (no, SOME women can never understand. And guess what, since we’re on that train of thought… some MEN can’t understand YOU)

Firstly… sexuality is a spectrum. I’ve met many types of BOTH genders.

I’ve met SOME men who were demure and didn’t have sex at all throughout highschool, college, etc… I know a few men who are asexual, and do not crave sexual attention, porn, or any such thing at all.

I know a few WOMEN who think about sex non-stop, struggle with porn, and are ALWAYS talking about how “hot” a guy is. I know a few who don’t think anyone is sexual at all, and seem like they grew up on little House on the Prairie.

What people find attractive (handsome/ beautiful AND sexually / tantalizing) and WHY is often a VERY layered subject that is PERSONAL to the person who feels it.

I’m triggered by certain things because of trauma, I know there are others like this as well (even though some of them have a hard time admitting to it). Other people are more likely to be obsessed with things that make no sense to me. My husband gets EXTREMELY bothered by high necked shirts. Not low cut plunging necklines… Let that sink in for a second. Because, when we’re talking about sexuality… what turns people on, clothing, and what “is” or “isn’t” appropriate… what do we do about people like this?

Sexuality is difficult to pin down, and this is why we can’t INSIST on standards of clothing, or blame the other gender for what is in ourselves.

We are “sexually” a product of our personal experiences, upbringing, fashion sense, natural attraction, religion, trauma, good times, bad times, the list goes on and on.

Let me share with you a little weird thing about myself. I am HIGHLY attracted to smokers. I know, gross, right? And I know this… I know that it’s gross. I’ve actually grabbed people and told them to STOP smoking because it was hurting them… and yet… something about it just drives me wild. If I SMELL smoke on a guy, I’m instantly drawn to him. It’s like a rich musk or cologne that I want to be part of… and I can’t explain it.

To me? … this is weird.

But enough with the analogies… let’s get to the point.

We are all different and all triggered by different things. Not only do I know this. God knows this.

Women will never be “covered enough” for men. We know this from countries in the middle east where they make the woman cover from head to toe, and yet… when the woman is raped, it’s “her fault” and they “execute her” because she “seduced him” somehow with her “eyes” or her “smile.” Even if a woman was being flirtatious? This does not give you permission to rape her.

When men came to Jesus in the bible to talk about how they were making them “lust”… do you know what He told them? Matthew 5 in context explains this perfectly- “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[e]28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Here’s the problem with “clothing” – When Christ gave this sermon, He knew very well that clothing had become “cultural” – much in the way that it is today. In Egypt many women wore hardly ANYTHING up top… yes, this means you could easily see their breasts. Today, many cultures STILL have no problems with women being topless, but in some tribes, if you show an ankle, it’s straight up porn.



Different cultures think of different things as “erotic” or “taboo” when it comes to what part of the body is showing (this goes back to some of what I was saying above… we are all different) and because of this, Christ never told these women to “cover more.” He told men to “stop looking” or at least to “stop looking with lust.”

Christ knows your struggle, He knows because He made you. He KNOWS that men are “visual” (because guess what, He designed it that way, and He’s also a man ^_^ ) but as a man, He NEVER put the blame for men and their lust on women and the way they dressed. At no point did he say to the adulterous woman, “Well, if you would just cover those darn ankles and put a shawl around those breasts!”

Instead, what Christ did was attempt to explain that the problem is and always will be in your heart, and with you. This is the REASON that the problem is the way it is in the Middle East. Because burqas haven’t stopped rape, or saved women, only good men or men who don’t act upon instinct do that, and Christ KNOWS this. That’s why the bible talks about A, not looking with lust, B, plucking out eyes, and C, being dedicated to the “renewal of your mind.”

I’m not going to lie, I honestly feel like Christian men in America complaining about women’s clothing is a joke. Everywhere you turn there’s a billboard for a strip club, and if you’re not looking, you’re watching movies full of tight suited or scantily clad women. (Marvel doesn’t get a pass… Black Widow’s outfits are QUITE tight, and for a reason) and she is FAR from the only mid-drift, cleavage, tight suited character in this series. Disney doesn’t really get a pass either. One glance at Ariel, or Jasmine and one would have to say that they’re wearing… well… something that’s a bit more revealing. Or Esmeralda’s erm… profession?

Strangely enough, however, I don’t see any “Christian men” COMPLAINING about the tightness of Gamora’s garments, or the amount of cleavage that Belle shows in her golden gown…

Christian men seem to only put the blame on women who are friends, or women they know… that’s kind of… unfair… don’t you think? Don’t you think it’s a little unfair to ask your women to be covered from head to toe because you can’t control yourself, and not for everyone else to be? Or perhaps not refrain from taking part in anyone else or any other entertainment?

This is sort of why this argument is also futile… because okay… let’s say that church had a massive “woke” moment… You’re right, men… ALL women are too exposed. From now on, women can only wear jeans, long skirts, turtle necks, or high necked t-shirts… We all obey these rules, sure… but the REST of the world around us is still uncovered. It’s in our entertainment, our grocery stores, etc… now what? Your problem isn’t solved. Why? Because your problem is YOU. (And now your women just look more homely for no purpose).

Someone the other day who posted about this, saying, “How I wish women could understand our STRUGGLE…” – I think I speak for all women when I say, “I wish as a Christian man that YOU could understand that many of us have been told over and over and over again that we’re ‘making our brothers stumble.’ When we’re often wearing VERY normal clothing.”

There is currently a “story” going around facebook and social media in which a woman has a conversation with her boss, and the boss is looking at a photo on a dating site and telling the woman that the woman in the photo looks like she’s “down to f***” and belittles her… SUPPOSEDLY this photo contains a picture of a woman wearing a gray t-shirt and smiling. A t-shirt and a smile… and men think that we’re trying to seduce them. How is this OUR fault? (I should state that I have doubts about the validity of this story due to wording, etc… however, I’ve seen it before, and been PART of it before…) I was told by someone not too long ago (last year) that I was “blue balling” because I apparently “wanted him…” – When he and I met (the only time) I was wearing a men’s graphic T, boots, and nearly knee length shorts… I’m really trying to tease you, now, am I? My sister and I were at a church event once, and a man was standing next to my sister, as she was coloring with CHILDREN, and said to his wife/ gf, “Why is this woman dressed like a whore?” – My sister was wearing jeans, boots, and a turtleneck…

Imagine for one moment… that you’re a woman… a woman with all of the insecurities about our looks that we have (which btw, are many many mixed messages within the confines of this speech) and we put some clothes on, and think for one moment, “Wow, I look beautiful today…” Only to go out and have someone claim that we’re “responsible” for their lust, or their uncontrollable urges, or to call us a “whore…” … we can’t win. We can never win. Because (well, again, the Middle East is a great example) but- Christ made it clear that this is a problem with MEN… and their hearts. The verses that talk about MODESTY – specifically 1 Timothy 2 which everyone tries to use to be covered, are about the spirit (if you read the context-) this verse is about what is appropriate for WORSHIP, and how to behave. It talks about how you don’t need to adorn yourself with loud make up, jewels, etc to go to church. It says NOTHING for outings with husband and friends.

Now, don’t misunderstand me… I am NOT the kind of woman who thinks that women should run around wearing “whatever.” I think that attire should be appropriate, and I also think that there are ABSOLUTELY things that take it too far, but understand that the following are my PERSONAL opinions.

As a Christian woman, I don’t think that women should be running around wearing leggings as pants, ESPECIALLY if you wear thongs, or nothing under. I think this IS inconsiderate of men and our brothers. I ALSO don’t think that women should wear bikinis to the pool or beach. I’ve heard it said many times, “panties or bikini top, what’s the difference?” … I agree. There isn’t much. So don’t dress that way to the pool. Wear a pretty, lacy, whatever, one piece. I don’t think miniskirts or tube tops are ever appropriate. I don’t think that shorts that are only two inches below your butt are, either (when you bend over, or sit, we can see it all. If no one’s told you, I’m sorry… but yes, we can. Doesn’t mean we’re looking, but we can).

But I personally think we need to stop attacking tank tops, spaghetti straps, form fitting dresses, etc… Believe it or not, women wore form fitting outfits in the bible. They might have started with a tunic, but they put belts around the middle to gather it all, and help themselves walk, etc. Tank tops, and backless things in the summer? I don’t see why this is an issue.

I PERSONALLY have an issue with people wearing spiked heals with tight sweater dresses, and too much make up, etc… I think it sends the wrong messages. HOWEVER, I have no problems with these lovely ladies, and I personally never judge them. They do look lovely.

I personally think that what is most likely is that many of the men who complain about women’s attire are many of the same men who didn’t get themselves under control earlier in life and had massive porn issues. They’ve trained their minds to look at women as “objects” for their desire, and now they blame women for the training that they themselves have caused. I remember a few years ago, a male friend of mine said, “Trust me, ALL of your male friends have thought about having sex with you…” – welp, while I certainly don’t think it’s “all” even if a few have, there you go. There’s the problem.

As a Christian, you should stop worrying SO MUCH about your “struggle” and start seeing women as your sisters who need your love, support, and friendship… not your “bullying them into dressing certain ways…”

Bottom line? Your lust is NOT my responsibility. It’s yours. I’m in my body, and I can’t control all of you, nor can I PLEASE all of you. Besides trying to be considerate for SOME things, I’ve just grown ill of it and stopped trying.

Be committed to the renewing of your mind, brothers.

A few Unfavorable Thoughts on Tipping in the US.

I eat out. A lot. At least twice a week. Most of the time I eat at establishments that are more like fast food (more like) and tipping is not necessarily encouraged or necessary in these places.

However, I also eat at higher end places at least a few times a month.

I have seen a LOT of blow up recently on facebook, through friends who are waiters, etc about tipping. What’s fair, what’s not fair, how does tipping work? Who do you tip?

When you put “How much should I tip?” Into google, the little blurb that comes up says-
And frankly, that’s about what I work this out to, except that I have a personal policy of also tipping about 12% or less for “mediocre” services.

I have seen a lot of complaint and hallaballu about this in the last few months especially and so, I feel like (because I’m a narcissist) it’s time to give my two cents about the world of tipping and how it works.

It seems to me in the “eating out” world that there is an imbalance when it comes to who, when, and how much to tip.

I eat often at a restaurant called “Kula.” A quick search on google, seems to return that they DO in fact pay their employees 10$ an hour (I hope this is true). But in this sense, (since people don’t know that they make a regular wage instead of a waiter’s wage) I wonder, why do people need to tip these waiters/waitresses at all?
The reason that I think this is because (for those of you who’ve never been to Kula) It’s a sushi bar. A revolving sushi bar. Waiters and Waitresses do NOT bring you the food. It literally rolls by you on a bar. The workers essentially ask for your drinks. Bring you a little plate of wasabi, bring your drinks, and then you may never see them again. Am I honestly supposed to pay these people 15% on my bill for doing that?

Personally, I leave these guys a dollar or two. Sometimes a bit more. That’s about 10-12% of my check usually because honestly, they don’t do much. What am I tipping them for?

But let’s move on to a different change of scene.

My husband and I frequent places like Red Robin, and The Lazy Dog Cafe. Both have pretty decent food and great selections. The selections at Lazy dog are a bit more varied and interesting, but both are still very good establishments to eat at.

These are both places that I would generally suggest tipping 15-18%. (I’d like to add a footnote here that I really don’t know when it shifted to 18%. Growing up, I always heard that it was 10-15%) But back to the topic and why I feel there is another imbalance here.

The last several times that I’ve eaten at both restaurants (IF a person who doesn’t love us and normally cares for us is NOT there) the person who’s served us has essentially shown up, taken our drink order, brought drinks an disappeared to never be seen again until we get the check. -_-

Why am I paying this person a percentage at all? What did they do in the time that I sat there that was worth at least 7$ of my money? This (imo) falls back on the restaurant and again, the imbalance. If you’re going to pay your employees in pennies, but then your employees don’t do much to serve, there’s an issue.

I can tell you of countless times now that I’ve eaten at Red Robin AND Lazy Dog (other places as well, so you don’t think that it’s merely a coincidence) in which the server brought drinks, someone ELSE brought my food, and I had to ask a THIRD party to get me napkins, ketchup, ranch dressing, etc… and the person who brought drinks returned with a check……………………………………………………………………………….. is the American population really supposed to hand 20% of their bill over to that person? What if the person who got my extra ranch was MORE friendly? Do I tip them? How about the poor guy who brought all of my food?

Now, if you’ve ever eaten out with us, you know that my husband and I try VERY hard to be kind, considerate, and even overly friendly to our wait staff as we know that they have probably had it very hard. But when it comes to my hard earned money (and my husband’s), I personally don’t see why we have to give someone who literally spent sixty seconds at my table at 15% tip. (especially if the restaurant is not full and it’s obvious that they’re not doing their job- talking, standing around, etc).

No, you don’t get 5$ on my 32.$ plus bill for bringing me drinks and the bill and talking about getting your nails done to your friends. >_> I’ll probably leave you 2$.

Now, IF the girl/guy was friendly and spoke with us, even felt like a friend at the end of it all, you’ll find that my husband and I are often FAR more generous. There was a guy who waited on us at Cheesecake Factory a few weeks ago, and while he was not the one who brought our food out, he came back at LEAST three times to check on us, he was friendly, seemed to LOVE his job, and even talked Star Wars with us for about 2 minutes. He was willing to do a few little extra things and go above and beyond.

Our billy was about 45.00$ (i think) I gave him (I believe) 8$. He deserved it. He was NO dancing monkey, but he definitely seemed like the kind of waiter that I’d REQUEST to have again. 🙂 Someone who actually served as opposed to someone who’s mind set was “get em’ in, get em’ out, here’s your bill, where’s my tip?”

In all things, if you’re going to ask for extra money (or your job makes it that way) make sure you actually do your job, serve, and are cordial.

I UNDERSTAND there are jerks who will leave bad tips anyways and then you are in the right, of course for being upset about that (I know someone who got like a 6$ tip on a 134$ meal and THAT was not right at all), but keep in mind that if the customer has to ask “What the heck am I tipping you for?” It might be time to change a waiting tactic.

I guess what I’m saying at TL;DR is, if you’re a waiter/ waitress and you expect to always be given 15% (or often, as there are jerks) then please consistently be you who comes to my table, asks what I need, etc… Don’t show up once, leave, and show up again with the check.

13 Reasons why we actually need to talk about Tyler.

As I sit and write this, I’m coming off the tail end of having almost literally just finished “13 Reasons Why.” I pretty much put the controller down no more than half an hour ago and I needed a few minutes to really ingest the narcissism that was this show.

Bear with me, because you won’t like what I have to say, I guarantee it but at least try and consider it and truly think about it in terms of the show and not the book (which I haven’t read and cannot comment on.)

I’ll deviate from my title long enough to say this. Tony said it in the show, and I’ll say it too- No one was responsible for Hannah Baker’s suicide except Hannah Baker.

Trust me when I tell you that I have been so completely depressed from trauma and life and abuse that I (in fact) did try and commit suicide at a young age, so I completely understand the feelings of nothingness and mental health issues not only run in my family (severe ones, not little issues) but I have them myself (smaller issues) – So I am not blowing smoke out of my butt in saying that I know what it’s like to be there and I’ve been right next to it.

She chose to kill herself instead of pursuing the good parts of life. Clay (which she knew was her own fault) for one.

Shows like this are so extreme that they’re almost meaningless because very few girls are Hannah (when I say that, I don’t mean very few girls are raped- I mean very few of them run into as much trouble thing after thing after thing as she does. That is all drama and storytelling and very little of it mimics reality. Reality is actually much harder because often the things that lead up to a suicide are slower, less noticeable, less obvious.)

Movies and shows about suicide have an interesting trend rollercoaster. They happen and everyone watches and talks about them, the content, the characters, and talks about how we can change things.

But here’s the truth-

There isn’t a lot that “we” (you and I) can do to change the fact that people are cruel to others and always will be. Most of the people who read this book, watched this show, and actually care would never ever BE in this list of horrible people who hurt Hannah Baker from the start. If ANYTHING we’d probably be an “Alex” “Ryan” or “Zach” and not any of the others. Most of us knew even in High School that you didn’t do things like, rape someone or “take candid photos” of someone. Or “share photos all around school” of someone’s personal moments. Most of us knew that and still know that.

Most of us are not any of those children/ teens.


Someone is a Tyler

13 Reasons why we actually need to talk about Tyler
and we need to talk about that boy because more than likely, you know him. You don’t necessarily know someone who’s going to go on a rampage and shoot everyone at school (as some of the ending implied) but you do know a young man who’s at his wits end… So, while not all of them apply to Tyler specifically, and some are merely moments in the show, here are 13 reasons that we need to be talking about Tyler.

Reason #1. – Research shows that men are up to three times more likely to commit suicide than a woman regardless of age. So while this is about a young woman, and very, very sad statistics show that we might need to be doing better with our boys.

Reason #2.- I never say, “Boys will be boys” as an excuse for lewd behavior. However boys ARE boys and society continues to (thanks to things like feminism) pressure them into acting “non-male.” More and more classrooms are acting like boys are all potential rapists and murderers. Boys are looked at as violent for wanting to play with toy guns (even squirt guns) or suspended for making pop tarts look like guns. (what?) Boys need challenges and outlets for pent up energy and anxiety. They are not getting those things and the more they’re being shut down, the more that they feel useless as their BIOLOGICAL NEED is to do things that are challenging, to hunt, to play puzzle games, to build, to climb, to dare.

Reason #3- Female rape is horrible, but let’s put that aside for a moment. You might not believe this, but if you’re a man, being raped is MUCH harder than being a woman. Because society acts like men are always wanna be rapists or naturally just sexually charged all the time, this means that they must always want sex. So men “can’t” be raped. (I’ve actually heard this statement many times from both men and women) “Men can’t be raped! You have to be physically excited to be raped!” – In the same breath, women will explain how sometimes during rape, your body might “excite” to protect itself. Hmmmmm… Double standard. Young men are molested and raped all the time and are looked at as “pansies” or “pussies” if they didn’t enjoy it, or suck it up. Likewise, people more easily brush off the sexual assault of men as funny or “no big deal.” Would we permit/ allow “pantsing” of a young woman? Or do we call that sexual assault? It’s definitely sexual assault, however, when it happens to Tyler, he just needs to “get over it” because it’s “bullying” and “Everyone is bullied.” Right? While I see women being “victim blamed” sometimes, I see victim blaming happen far more often with men. “You are a dude, you definitely wanted it.” “You should have sat back and enjoyed the ride.” Etc. Take it or leave it, that’s my experience. https://youtu.be/Ikd0ZYQoDko

Reason #4- We treat smart and artsy boys like they’re “nerds” and act like they should be punished for this. Smart and artsy boys are simply that, smart and artsy. They are often (in the future) the very types of men that we need to build upon our society.

Reason #5- Men especially insult other men by tearing down their sexuality. “What, Faggot? What you say limp dick?” – All of this language does cause major disrupts in young men. Especially men with smaller bodies and interests that are not football and beer pong.

Reason #6- There are nerdy boys everywhere. They often grow into fine, wonderful individuals. But they struggle because of how they feel about themselves. Similar to women who are overweight or insecure, a lot of nerdy boys feel that they are not manly enough or even “men” if they don’t have the body, the looks, and the charisma of the “school jock.”

Reason#7. We as a society exclude people who we think are different from what we believe “normal” is. What Tyler did was despicable, but even the other people on the tapes kept trying to exclude him. The only person who didn’t was Alex.

Reason#8.- School shootings. Many of the reasons that I listed above lead to things like school shootings.

Reason#9.- This sad and very tragic cautionary tale is about a woman who sadly lost hope and while others might have been able to love her better… it’s very hard for young people (and old) to love “a young man” better. Women in general are easier to comfort, easier to talk to. We just are. That’s our nature. We talk, we nurture. Men are often more lost. They don’t know how to handle the deep, hurting emotions that slowly boil over time. They don’t know how to “take it like a man” or “Stop crying.” They know that they feel these horrible things, but have no idea what to do with them. Many of them don’t know how to ask for help, because they don’t even know that they need help because everyone around them keeps insisting that they need to buck up, man up, grow up, etc.

Reason#10.- Men especially in young groups make other men feel like if they’re “not getting any” – then they’re gay, unattractive, unwanted, etc. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of young men TRYING to wait, and their friends shove a hooker onto them, sneak them off to a strip club (them not knowing until it’s too late), them pushing their virgin friends to get with the easy girl. It must be so hard. I can’t even imagine.

Reason#11.- In conjunction with the above and #2… Men are visual by nature and society needs to stop acting like they’re not. When we say things, “they’re just breasts!” We make all men who are sexually aroused by them (spoiler alert, 99percent of all men are) feel perverted and dirty for being sexually aroused by them. Again, I will not say, “Boys will be boys” as an excuse for bad behavior when they’re mature enough to understand. But here’s the thing- boys ARE boys and when society starts treating them like they’re gay, unwanted, too nerdy, can’t be with anyone, no one wants them, they start doing things like (but not limited to) Pornography, addiction, masturbation, voyeurism, etc. Again, I am NOT excusing these things. But similar to how things could have been done to stop Hannah/ help her from committing suicide, things need to ALSO be done to keep young men from falling off the deep end (as Tyler has). We need to make all people feel wanted, needed, important, etc. Tyler absolutely believed that he had no chance with a woman at all. I’m sure his porn collection is massive, his self-image is in the toilet, and he eventually started stalking and trying to take what he believed he never could rightfully have. Is this worthy of jail time? Absolutely. But again, look at this point… BOYS ARE BOYS and they’re visual, and desperate to feel wanted and needed. Don’t forget that. This is part of their biology, it’s not going away. They will “NEVER” be “just breasts” to men overall because God (or science if you believe in that) literally wired them to be sexually aroused by the female body. You cannot make a young man submit to your way of thinking by flanking him with scantily clad women and expect him not to react. (I mean in a sexually aroused way, not that he should or can’t control a rape or something)

Reason#12.- Tyler is a time bomb because of everything above and needs serious help and someone should have helped him and should still help him before everyone ends up where Alex did… What? You think Alex shot himself? Think a bit harder. What did Tyler buy in the alley? What did he do in the darkroom?

Reason#13.- One suicide is bad enough… however, killing several more people and probably yourself? Not good.

We absolutely need to be taking care of our women, but if that is a fact, then the statement, “We need to be taking better care of our men” is an even truer fact. Did you know that there are virtually no shelters for domestically abused men? Don’t blame “the patriarchy” – Blame society and how we treat men who are abused and feel lost. Blame us. Blame me. Blame you.

We need to be talking about Tyler. We need to be talking about him because it’s more likely that you know a Tyler than it is that you know a Hannah. Based on statistics alone, that is a fact.

This is actually what’s wrong with the church.

Unwillingness to recognize sin as sin, thus letting millions of people pave their own way to hell.

Unwillingness to change at all and instead praise those who are deeply en-robed in sin.

Acting as though those who speak the truth are the real problems and putting them down. Not listening to another opinion and truly considering it, and then calling the truth teller a troll or a liar.

You’re not a Christian at this point, you’re a sin apologist and someone not interested in God’s truth.

What's wrong with the world today


Favorite part? Definitely the “sorry you took the TIMERS”… XD

You suck, here’s why.

In the generation of cry, cry, cry, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, (Wow, I sound like Captain Hook from “Hook”) – I am amazed at a growing trend both among the younger generation, but also in the OLDER generation too more and more.

It doesn’t discriminate against anyone, race, religion, gender, or riches (or lack there of)

FIRST- a disclaimer. This is not directed at ANYONE in particular, just a thing that I myself have witnessed going on with several people, AND I’ve heard others complain about outside sources doing the same thing.


When I was a little kid, if you got invited to a party, a Christmas gathering, a birthday function, or a general “overall function”- you NEVER neglected to bring something. Food, water, beverages, dessert, OR, in the cases of a birthday and Christmas (which is far more important in my opinion) a card, or a gift.

I am actually amazed at the amount of people recently who I’ve seen cry, scream and wail about people needing to “help others” and “be kind” and “give to others” and in the same week/ month/ year, won’t even so much as bring a birthday card to a good friend. Someone they’ve known for years.

Seriously, millennials… what is with that? Don’t expect people to bring you gifts, cards, and presents if you can’t be bothered to do the same.

No one expects to GET gifts, however, it seems silly to me that it’s not proper etiquette to simply bring a card. Money is not the problem. The dollar tree sells cards 2 for a 1$ and I have to say, I am amazed at the amount of people who do this who I know are not in the poverty line by any means.

I’m sorry, but this lack of etiquette to even bring a card, a liter of soda or both simply describes the silliness of this generation. Not so much because of the fact that they don’t bring something, but that they in turn, expect everyone to lavish things on them when it’s “their turn” (birthday, Christmas, etc…) Honestly? That’s disgusting.

I’m not trying to talk myself up here… I have a LOT of flaws, but I almost NEVER show up to a thing empty handed, expecting to eat your food, and drink your wine without contributing to a thing. If I do ever do this, there’s a reason. The invite was EXTREMELY last minute and the situation was explained, or something got destroyed on the way over…

I am specifically speaking about the people who have LONG periods of time to plan/ purchase a card/ bring some chips, whatever… and don’t. They simply come, eat, and expect to be taken care of. Then seem to whine about others not “giving” enough at other events, etc… >_>

blech. barf.

End/ If you’re invited to someone’s BIRTHDAY, AT LEAST bring a darn card… -_- 50cents if you’re really hard up for cash. Make some cookies, SOMETHING… my goodness… at least don’t complain about it, or people not being “serving” later on, when you’re the one who shows up to eat everyone’s food and leave. -_-

Rich, poor, comfortable.

I wanted to do a sort of “guidance” post for people who are “poor”… I put quotations around poor because I’ve seen some people complain that they are poor and what they really mean is that they don’t have money. Let me explain – they have money, it’s just always gone at the end of the month with very little to spare.

Let me also offer a controversial idea in this day and age.

If you live in America.
If you live in a dwelling.
If you EVER eat out with your own money.
If you have ever once bought starbucks.
If you have a television and internet access.
If you can buy toys, games, movies, or video games.
IF you have ever gone to a zoo, theme park, or concert.
IF you are not naked.
IF you can buy clothes.
IF you can buy jewelry, make up, nail polish, etc.

You are NOT poor.

You might feel poor because there’s never any money… but you are not poor.

This is poor –

THIS is uncomfortable – (kitchen, plates, running water, storage, food, even though not a whole lot.)

I’m not here to growl at those who are poor and say, “BE MORE GRATEFUL!”

This post is more about trying to help… trust me, I hold no contempt for you regardless of which place you put yourself in. If you feel that you are in the poor category even though you live somewhere, have food and clothing, a car, and some entertainment. Then I won’t argue as I have no idea what your situation is. ^_^ You could very well be poor.

Also – as a side note. Someone living in America CAN be very horribly struggling and I COMPLETELY acknowledge that. I have been there.

My statements and comparisons were to challenge some ideas, nothing more.

Now, let’s talk about some ways towards not being stuck all the time.

Once upon a time, I was poor. Although, if I were judging by my own standards above, it was more mostly that I was “uncomfortable” …

I have to say, even though I was uncomfortable, I didn’t even know that I was that, and here’s why… My parents never treated me that way, talked about $$, complained about being poor, ever, AND my mother was smart and found ways to make things fun, exciting, different, and new!

For parents, I suggest the above. If your children feel that there’s a problem, they are going to think that there’s a problem and they are going to feel disadvantaged and like there is no hope. If they feel that they are having fun, and that everything is okay, they might not even realize that they are “poor” until later in life (like me lol).

Please, don’t feel insulted by some of my suggestions. I KNOW some of you already know these things, but you’d be surprised how many poor or uncomfortable people I’ve spoken to who do not know these things, make excuses around them, or simply don’t care to try.

First and foremost.

My first tip-
EVERYONE of working age should be working in SOME way. Even if it’s from home, or doing Mechanical Turk, or anything like that… EVERYONE who can contribute, should be. Remember the verse, “Those who don’t work, don’t eat.”


Figure out your budget. How much money do you bring in every month, and how many bills on average do you have? What do they cost? And can you pay them all?

If your answer is “yes” – and you are just barely squeaking out the other end at the end of each month. Then that’s good. You’re not in the red.

Looking at bills and talking about them… Let’s start with groceries.

A good way to make sure that there’s always enough $$$ for groceries and even SAVE some $ is to meal plan.

If you know (for instance) that there are 4 of you, and every night you can make mashed potatoes (they’re cheap, and yummy) and salad (also cheap and yummy) then you’ve gotten 2 side dishes out of the way for a few days of the weak that are good and salad is good for you. A head of lettuce is cheap, and can easily make 2-3 salads if you throw in a little cucumber, cheese, and tomato (all cheap).

My mother used to ENTERTAIN people on a poor man’s salary by getting creative with food and sales, etc. I have a bit of that gift in me as well as I have been very low on money and still managed to give people a meal.

A GREAT tip/ trick is the dollar store. IF you have one near you (or Dollar tree) go there and buy things like pasta, pasta sauce, popcicles (if you buy them) these things at regular stores cost as much as 3$ a piece. Pasta is often still cheap, but if you buy sauce, and popcicles from the dollar store, you can save at least 5$ just from that. If you buy sugar, flour, cereal (often these stores DO carry name brands) a liter of soda, chips, sliced bread, etc from the dollar store, canned soup, cream, coffee, you can save like at least 20$ Even if you buy the other groceries from the regular store, 20$ is 20$…

Here’s a quick meal for company from the dollar store, pair it down for just family.-

The 99 cent store currently carries Progresso soups. It also often carries half and half.
Get TWO cans of Progresso tomato basil soup. (2$)
A pint of half and half (1$)
A loaf of french bread (1$)
Some olive oil. (1$)
A bag of romaine lettuce (1$)
Some Caesar dressing (1$)
Croutons if you want (1$)
If the dollar store has cheese, get shredded cheddar Kraft or sargeanto, yes they carry both brands sometimes, and a white cheese, (1$, 1$)

Dessert? Grab a fancy looking box of cookies (1$) or 2 if you like (1$) and arrange them nicely on a platter.

Pour both cans of soup into a pan, add a half cup (or more) of cream (1/2& 1/2), sprinkle shredded cheese on top, let simmer, stir, serve in bowls, and top with more cheese and basil leaves (if you have them, the dollar store actually has this too)

Slice the bread, into 6-8 pieces, arrange on a cookie sheet. LIGHTLY drizzle with olive oil on the top. Pop in the oven for 5-8 minutes on 350 degrees.

Chop (makes it look fancier) lettuce after washing and stir in Caesar dressing. Top with croutons and white cheese.

Serve meal to guests who will be stunned (this is delicious, trust me).

Serve tea, and cookies for talk time.

Almost all of my guests who have been over for dinner have said that this meal is like they’re eating at a fancy restaurant. And IF we’re going all out, we’ve spent – 12$. If we’re not, we can easily put a cookie box back, and leave the bread OR the salad, and easily have a hot ready meal that costs us 8-10 instead. This meal can EASILY be a quick meal for “just the family” too. Skip the cookies, and you can (instead) slice the bread REALLY thin, smother it with grated cheese and make grilled cheese. ^_^

This recipe was just here for an example of how you can eat cheap, but still impress your peers/ guests. ^_^ But when you think in terms like that, things don’t look so bleak.

Meal plan, meal plan, meal plan. I’ve spoken with so many poor people who just go into the store and say, “We need this, this, this, this, this, this,” and end up throwing a lot of it away or just eating unnecessary food.

For example- Breakfast. Don’t just buy eggs, cheap cereal, granola bars, oatmeal (yes, I’ve actually seen poor people do this because a lot of it was cheap.) Instead, buy an extra half gallon of milk, and a box of cereal that’s on sale and THAT’S it. If you need extra, buy a tin of oatmeal that’ll last two-three weeks and there, you have a “choice…”

Again, I know some of you are reading this and totally going, “Ummm… yeah, if I had the kind of money to be buying multiple food items, I wouldn’t be calling myself “poor” … I totally get it. This is not for you then. ^_^ I can only tell you, TRUST me… I have literally spoken to people who “can’t pay their bills” who go to the store and buy this way.

But, this can be a helpful tool for $ saving when it comes to meals.
Write out a meal plan for the ENTIRE week, stick pretty closely to it, perhaps buying an extra thing or two, and you’ll have an easier time seeing some extra $ at the end of the week.

Meal planning looks like this –
Breakfast – Cereal and milk
Lunch – Ham  sandwich with small salad
Dinner – tomato soup with bread.

Breakfast- Cereal and milk
Lunch- Peanut butter sandwich with chips
Dinner- hot dogs and salad.


So, from the above – Buy cereal, milk, lettuce, dressing, bread, ham slices, mayo, mustard, peanut butter, chips, hot dogs and buns. And BTW, MANY of those items can be found at the dollar store.

Next item on the list… shopping.

Again, if you already do this… this DOES NOT apply to you.

For things like-
Bathing suits and trunks.
purchase them all OFF season.

I’ll never forget- I knew someone who was always trying to save money and she was complaining that she couldn’t get her daughter a new swimsuit because it was 55$…
“FIFTY FIVE DOLLARS??! (I asked)… where?!?!”

You see, I was shocked because my mother NEVER purchased my swimwear for 55$. She purchased me a full one piece suit (nice ones) for about 18$ at most. Sometimes 15$. This woman (like many others) didn’t know that you can A, buy swimsuits at the end of the year, or just outside of summer (early Sept) or B, buy them from stores that were NOT name brands and so long as you’re not swimming every single day, they’ll last. Several of mine lasted 3-6 years.

The same thing with clothes, though. If you (for instance) are looking for a pair of boots to look classy/ snazzy in… Wait until JUST before they’re ready to take them off of the shelves, they will ALL be on sale. Some, even clearance. Wait till next year to wear them, repeat, you get into a cycle where your clothes are ALWAYS much cheaper.

Same thing with holiday items and goods. I love the dollar store, Joanne’s, and Michael’s (and of these, Joanne’s is the LEAST helpful) but- the dollar store carries wrapping paper, decorations, fine chocolates, etc for holidays. I have actually purchased full on gift bags for people FROM the dollar store and spent about 6 dollars. It looks AMAZING and it’ll be well accepted.

BUT, let’s stay out of the dollar store for a moment. I just (for instance) purchased an ENTIRE box of Christmas cards (when I say an entire box… I mean a large box, filled with about 26 boxes of Christmas cards) for 4$ because they were being clearanced from Michael’s. Guess who doesn’t need to buy Christmas cards for the next few years? (Me…)

This rule works with almost EVERYTHING that you buy. When you buy things slightly off season and then store them away, you can have TONS of nice things for your home, gifting, and clothing yourself. I can now give EVERYONE a nice card next year and it will have literally cost me 4$ to hand out cards to 50 people.

Again, this rule works with almost everything. Pants? Buy them right before summer. They’re cheaper. Boots? Same thing. Holiday decorations? Right after the holidays. ^_^

Obviously some of this involves some planning, but if you’re confident in you, I’m confident in you.

A few other tips.

This one is obvious, but again… I’ve spoken to people crying that they couldn’t save money, but still bought a venti mocha every day at SB.

If you HAVE to have a starbucks… try 5 days a week instead of 7. Try making it a tall (small) and try to start supplementing, by making coffee at HOME every morning (WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY cheaper. You’ll literally save a few hundred dollars a year that way.)

Want to have some fun? For Christmas and birthdays, ask everyone for gift cards to movie theaters, and restaurants. Use them throughout the year when you need “you” time, or just to get out.

Stop buying so much make up and accessories. It really boggles me that people who claim to be poor still do this so much (mostly women)… Seriously, buy two nice lips sticks, some eyeliner, a mascara, some foundation, blush, and three or four eyeshadow colors and GET BUY for the next 6 months. You don’t need to continuously throw your money away on make up, which can be HELLA expensive. You can also ask for these as gifts, as well, remember that.

Next tip…
AGAIN… if you don’t do this, this is not for you…
If you’re struggling to pay bills, but spend money on the extra pottery class, or sewing group…think about leaving it for a time. You might be able to come back in the future, but even if it only costs 20$ every 6mos, that’s still money YOU need. Instead, find free classes online, or fill time with getting creative, doing yoga (online/ free) etc.

Next tip…
Sometimes this doesn’t occur to people…

Look for another job. Sometimes this isn’t possible due to living in small cities or in certain situations, and I totally understand that.

But look. Get on the internet, look on craigslist, and every site that offers services like that.

If you CAN’T find a new job, you might be able to find a second one, OR side work. (So and so needs someone to watch a cat over the weekend, pays 50$)…uh, yes. Take it. LOL.


Next tip-
Sell some crap.

There are sites dedicated to selling your stuff, find them and get posting. ^_^

Open a savings account. When you go to the bank, EVERY paycheck, put in ten dollars. You might realize how little you NEED that 10$ if you don’t have it from the get go. It will slowly grow as you discipline yourself to do this every single paycheck. You NEVER use this money unless in TOTAL emergency. (someone is dying, etc)…end of the year? You should have around 260$… Is that a lot? No… but if you managed it, you might say, “hmmm… I didn’t spend it, I didn’t use it… I still had everything I needed… maybe this time I should put 15 dollars in there instead…) You do that, and at the end of the year, you have 600+ dollars in there. Yes, it’s growing.

Now, if you can do that- do this-

Keep an envelope or two in your sock drawer, or underwear drawer, or just somewhere no one will find it. Write “vacation” on it… Or write “dinner out” or whatever. Every single paycheck, take 5$ and put it in there. Do this as well when you have an extra 1$ bill laying around, or 50cents in change. After 6mos, go on a NICE dinner to a fancy place, or take a small getaway to a hotel.

Obviously these tips do NOT help with everything… and if you are still struggling with money, I am truly sorry.

I hope and pray that you will find a better job, that pays a little (or a LOT more). In this day and age, you can keep bettering yourself via the internet, and things that are FREE… Go to youtube, and learn a skill from someone who is teaching it free, and add that to you resume. Even if it’s playing guitar, or piano, even if it’s learning to cook, or HECK, even if it’s doing make up via watching a million tutorials. ^_^ Keep adding to your knowledge, and you just might have something that makes you a little more valuable. It’s the SAME DARN THING with your personality even. If someone has said that you are unlikeable, get some books, or find free stuff online about making yourself MORE likeable, handling pressure, etc.

Last but not least… Treat yourself. BUT PLAN it out. Don’t say, “I’m treating myself” and then treat yourself five times in a month. Plan when you’re going to do it, and make sure it’s within your budget.

I hope something helped. If not, I hope you love me anyways lol

Going inside and Shutting the Door.

Going to be candid here… if that bothers you, move on. I don’t have time for bull right now.

Often I wonder how I got to where I’m at…

How is it that I am who I am?

I told my mother the other day that not a single thing that I’ve done in my life has been a “success” … and while this statement is a bit of an exaggeration… (did I complete ONE class in college and get an A, yes… did I walk up to the front of the congregation one time and play the piano stunning and awe-ing everyone watching WITHOUT any music? Yes. – I was 7- Did I finish a few novels that have never been published and hardly anyone on the planet will read? Sure…) But what is all of that if nothing has come of it, and almost everything else has been a failure?

I have been fired from or let go of nearly every single job that I’ve ever had… I could list them and tell you things… but that would be pointless I think. I’ll only say that in almost every case, I believe that I was treated unfairly as I truly and completely did everything that I could to be a better employee.

I never graduated high school… although I DID get a GED (barely.) And not a single one of my dreams has ever come true… (Except for marrying my darling husband who most of the time I feel I am a complete and total burden on…)

But it’s actually much worse than that…

Most of my life, I have suffered… firstly with mental illness (nothing dangerous, just difficult enough to way on me 24/7…) and secondly with actual physical illness…

I could list everything that’s wrong with me, but it’s silly… I’ll name a few things – I have IBS which is tearing my body apart as I write this… I am starving, and afraid to eat, because eating often means that I get sick from eating… Even if I eat bland or mild food that doesn’t normally make me sick. Wonderful, right?

I have Vulvar vestibulitis which is a horrible female disease in my genitals which (from having diarrhea earlier) is ALSO wreaking havoc on my body at the moment as everything “down there” has been filled with trauma and acid. This disease often gives me constant pain in my vagina (not always) and makes it impossible to be intimate with my partner. My husband… the man I married. Whom, btw, I waited for UNTIL I was married to have sex with.

Remember, I have many other things wrong with me… I’m just not going to bother listing them atm…

And yet… somehow, I can not help but feel like everything and everywhere that I am at is all my fault… Somehow, I have done something in my life to make my body hate me…

I can’t ever help but feeling (as I sit here, cry, and hurt very very badly) that everything that is happening makes me a disappointment and a failure. I am a disappointing friend because I can’t ever FULLY be there for someone. I am a disappointing employee, now more than ever because I’m probably about to turn a job down because I am unsure based on how my health is acting right now that I can handle it… and I am a disappointing person. Maybe if not to “everyone else” … to me. Even if it’s not “my fault” … I am disappointing.

Let’s also include the fact that for whatever reason, I have never seemed to have many close friends, and I can’t seem to keep those who are close close at all, even though at times I feel like the doormat who serves everyone.

I hate where I am in life…

And sometimes, I am okay and I have some time to be okay… And other times I just want to go inside and shut the door… and not ever come out again. I have been in that stage of just wanting to be alone and close the door for about two weeks now and honestly? I am unsure of whether or not I will be coming out of it anytime soon.

I HATE the fact that there is no self help book… no bible verse, etc… that is going to help me right now.

The bible is good, and true, and makes things a little “easier”…but my physical health continues to deteriorate and sap years of what is left of my youth away… and as that happens… I get to watch everyone else carry on with their lives…

I am beyond broken, and as I have repeatedly cried out to God, I have never truly found an answer for what I am to do, who I am to be, etc… just broken I guess…


10 Things that I didn’t like about The Force Awakens.

Perhaps far too late-

Ten things that I didn’t like about The Force Awakens – (But didn’t think that they ruined the movie at all)


Seems silly at this point, but if you haven’t seen TFA, don’t read… spoilers.

1. All of the silly, one syllable names.

Star Wars was made up of people who had interesting, unique names. Obi Wan Kenobi, Lando Calrissian, Darth Vader. Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa…

And in The Force Awakens… what do we get? Rey. Finn. Poe. Hux. Maz. Snoke. Lor… What…ever… All of the people who had interesting names were secondary characters at best. Phasma for instance was a great name, but it was only mentioned once or twice.

“Finn” and “Rey” sounds like someone spent a delightful day at an aquatic zoo before needing to sit down to write a Star Wars script. But it doesn’t do anything for me in terms of memorable characters…

2. The lack of a strong villain theme.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love Kylo Ren’s theme. Unfortunately, when pitted against something like “The Imperial March” – six trumpeted/horned notes just don’t do him justice.

It’s a fantastic piece of music, but it doesn’t hold the same kind of punch and power as TIM. The very first time that I ever heard The Imperial March, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I saw The Force Awakens twice in the theater and if asked, I couldn’t remember Kylo Ren’s theme. I had to look it up.

3. I’m going to get stoned for this one, and it’s a blog in and of itself which I plan to write later.

The continual usage of one dimensional female leads. Don’t get me wrong, I have NO issues with female leads (although I wish that they’d stop trying to push them for every…single…new movie.) The problem is that in pushing female leads, they’re making them one dimensional by making characters like Rey.

Rey is (basically) perfect. She doesn’t really have an arch. Yes, things HAPPEN to her, and she gains powers, but she only has an up incline and her biggest “problem” is that she’s waiting for family who will never come back. She’s good, then better, then the greatest. I’ve actually heard people complain that she was literally all three characters from the original series in one. They did the same crap in this new movie, which I won’t say more about in case someone hasn’t seen it.

Finn on the other hand had an arch that raised him up morally and that is why he was interesting. The flaws, lack of morality, or struggles are what make a character interesting, Hollywood keeps putting forth flawless female characters whose biggest “problems’ are that they left the safety on the blaster. Oops. This really doesn’t leave her much room to grow in the future films.

That being said, Daisy Ridley is beautiful, talented, and an amazing actor and I hope to see her in many more films.

4. Why is Kylo Ren’s name Ben?

I’m assuming that this is something that might be explained in the next film, but for the most part Leia (who really didn’t know Obi Wan Kenobi) knew that he was “Obi Wan Kenobi”… So, why Ben? Theories are flying around on this one and I can’t wait to see if the next Star Wars movie actually ANSWERS this question, or if it’s just another thing we’ll end up scratching our heads over.


5. Leia.

This is even more annoying now that Carrie Fisher has passed away. (12.27.2016). But Leia seemed horrendously under used in TFA. She was there merely to explain plot points and then to “be there” when Han died.


6. Dialogue.

Speaking of explaining plot points. That is #6 for me. The dialogue between Han and Leia was almost cringeworthily annoying to me even upon my first viewing of the movie. “It was Snoke, he’s the one who seduced our son…” Han doesn’t know that? Of course he does. It’s us who doesn’t know that for sure, so Han and Leia in these sequences are talking heads for the audience.

They go on explaining both their story and Ben’s/Kylo Ren’s story to the audience like we need the spoon feeding. To be fair, we do need the spoon feeding a little bit because we don’t really know what happened between them. That didn’t make it much less annoying for me.

I always figure that dialogue like this can be done in a different way. – For instance –

They don’t actually seem like
they like each other.

Another Character:
They love each other… they just
have a hard time showing that. After
Snoke seduced Ben, everything fell
apart. They can’t stand to be in the
same room sometimes. But don’t
take that to mean that they don’t love
each other, kid. There’s no greater
love in the galaxy.

7. “Where did you get that?”

Where did Maz get the lightsaber? This is the lightsaber that was chopped straight off of Luke Skywalker’s hand before the famous, “I am your father” line…

I’m sorry but, “A good question for a different time” is not a good enough answer here. And based on what I’ve read regarding how she came by it, all she really had to say was, “It was given to me by a Scavenger a long, long time ago.”

8. The Scene right after Rey discovers the lightsaber… in which a very strong Rey becomes “flighty”…

This may seem like a contradiction to number three, but it’s not.

This was not a struggle to overcome or anything of the like. This was merely an odd scene. Rey has never once shown in the film that she has a propensity for being “flighty” and yet, here she is running off into the woods on a planet that she’s never been to… why? Because she’s… spooked? What in the world?

The only reasons that she took off for the woods was to get her alone to face Kylo Ren…

9. The “hug”

That obviously misplaced hug between Leia and Rey… What about Chewbacca? Han is CHEWBACA’S best friend… Rey is like… two minutes old.

10. “The force?”

Probably my biggest annoyance of the entire film.

The ending sequence in which Kylo Ren is getting beat down, and then they come to the cliff where the earth has split and Kylo Ren says, “You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the force…”

Rey then proceeds to have some kind of “Luke’esque” out of body experience for … a duration long enough to play quite a bit of his theme in which she seems to mystically gain all force abilities.

Now, it isn’t so much (for me) that she suddenly gained these abilities, as firstly, she’s obviously shown some of the abilities coming together already, and secondly, I believe that she might have actually trained as a Jedi alongside Kylo Ren and that she has some sort of memory wipe on her.

What irks me about this scene is how long it takes and how many chances Kylo Ren has to strike her down while she sits there with her eyes closed absorbing… force…juice… or whatever.

I mean, nothing happens. At any point he could have said, “What are you doing?!” or, “No!” (why not, lol) I don’t know… the length really irks me.

If your “love” doesn’t forgive other Christians, then your “love” is worth crap.

I can not believe how we treat each other as Christians. I truly mean that. I mean it for myself as well.

And I will say this much, I am HARD to disappoint/ piss off. But I can only take things “so much” before I will in fact kick you to the curb. I “released” a few around this time last year because they finally found the straw that broke the “camel’s back” so to speak. I didn’t unfriend them because of that “thing” that they did, I unfriended them because it was a list of things that were constantly, always bad and I never saw much of a desire to recognize these things or change. That is a toxic person and the toxicity was rubbing off on me in the wrong way.

I’ll also say that I’m also not referring to a person who is deeply rooted in sin who refused to acknowledge things or change. To be honest and fair, I have no problems telling that person to leave if it means protecting everyone else.

However, I am getting really tired of this “hippy dippy” Christianity that (as I suspect always) mostly comes from “women” who say things like, “I love everyone.” “I forgive all” “I am friends with everyone.” “It’s Christlike to forgive…” – I wouldn’t mind all of these things in and of themselves…IF the person saying them were actually serious. It’s been my experience that these people are full of crap and only mean these things to a point and often that “point” is with other Christians (shock).

What these women APPEAR to mean is – “I am super flirty and awesome with people who don’t know Christ or are steeped in sin… But if you piss me off one too many times, I’m gone and not super nicely, either.”

Again, this is my experience, maybe you know someone who has proven this otherwise. But it seems to me that the super nice, super sugary, super “awesome” people in the church who spout the “love all” “forgive all” “accept all” are the same people who always seem to have drama with everyone eventually. They tend to “know the truth” but not have any desire to follow that truth themselves or recognize that they are, in fact, the problem.

They have no desire to practice what they preach and they see themselves as being “high and mighty” and “righteous” for “not giving up” on the stripper who’s their friend on facebook. Nevermind that the stripper is DOWN RIGHT CRUEL to others and has outwardly been so. (Note- Having a stripper friend is not really an issue. My point was the sin, not the person, and my BIGGER point is the cruelty.)

Let me just say something that needs to be said. You are NOT Godly for “friending the world” and “hanging with people who are horrible to others.” You’re actually doing more harm than good. You are a “Christian” who is accepting of their sinful lifestyle and behavior. And furthermore, if you are willing to put up with their crap, but drop other Christians because they “annoy” you… or “you don’t like how they are/  etc…” You are a hypocrite of perhaps the worst design.

The bible has a LOT to say about how we treat other Christians. One of the BIGGEST ones being “THEY WILL KNOW YOU BY YOUR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER” (not the world and it’s sinners).

But seriously it has TONS to say about forgiving your brother / sister and talking with/ communicating with one another.

Bottom line? If you don’t forgive other believers and continue to try and love them, your “love” is worth dog crap.


Why I will not accept Modesty Movements

A young friend of mine recently asked me to join her page for a  “modesty movement.” I declined. I absolutely applaud her efforts as I believe that they’re Godly, and true, and I think that God will bless her in that. I’m not banging on her at all. I believe that God uses those things and that they have a place… but this post is (after all) about why I will never accept such movements.

I should start out by saying that once upon a time… many many years ago now (I was probably twenty) “modesty” was “hot to trot” and I was all over it. I wore long pants and t-shirts where-ever I went. Shorts that were at my knees, and never let any part of my body that was “un-Godly” (as I’d been told) show.

(For me) This was a mistake.

Now I’m going to highlight why.

I learned as I got older that modesty was a “tricky” if not “trivial” thing. How much was too much? Am I evil if I wear a bikini to the pool? (not like I have the body for it, hahahaha). Should I go to the pool at all? What about all of those other girls that are at the pool with perfect bodies in bikinis? Aren’t the guys looking at them?

And here was where my problems with modesty movements began to unfold.

People make the assumption that the bible is full of scriptures that tell women to dress appropriately. Actually, do a bit of a search on google and you’ll find that it is not. Even Gotquestions.org (which I go to from time to time) twists some of the scriptures regarding “modesty” to make it sound as if it’s about a woman’s dress code. Many of them in fact, are not. The first verse quoted for instance (from Timothy) is actually about over adorning oneself. In fact, he says as much. He talks about “braided hair” “gold pearls” and “costly attire” … So if we are to take this scripture in context, it literally has nothing to do with a woman wearing a skirt too short. He is referring to the idea that women who spend all of their time putting on tons of makeup, expensive jewelry, and buying all of their clothes at expensive prices is not “modest”…

The problem (in fact) with the word “modest” is that it doesn’t just mean “covered”… It’s immodest to buy a 200$ t-shirt, wear gold rings that cost 350$ each, and sun glasses that cost 500$… that is immodest and not good for your spirit.

Later on GotQuestions uses the verse in Matthew to display how a woman should dress (this is the most laughable verse in here to me) because Jesus is LITERALLY speaking to the men, not the women, and He literally says nothing about a woman’s dress.
Here, Christ says, “27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a]28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Note that He does not say, “You have heard it was said, you shall not commit adultery, but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Unless she’s wearing a mini skirt and kitten heels… then it’s totally understandable why you’d be gawking.”

No, in fact again, there is literally no mention of a woman’s dress code in here whatsoever.

And this is where I believe that the church (just like Gotquestions) gets it wrong.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to dress modestly (in the sense of covering up). But Christ knows a few things about us as a people that we are not willing to accept and/ or admit. He knows that no amount of “modesty” will ever be enough to sate a men’s lust. This is exactly why Matthew 5 27 exists. Christ addresses MEN on this issue. He makes it the problem of the man. Why? Because it is a man’s problem.

Men are very quick to say in their hearts, “But… she is dressed so sexy. I had to look.” Christ doesn’t give a caveat. He literally says, “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” He doesn’t give any caveat.


One of the reasons that He doesn’t give any caveat is because A, there was a lot of mixed culture around with Rome, Egypt, and travelers, and Christ knew that in different cultures, different things are considered “modest.”

In tribes in Africa, many of them dress the waist down and to them that is modest. The chest is not immodest, but the underside is VERY Taboo. In California, a woman is still seen as pretty modest if she’s wearing very short shorts and a tank top. Christ knows that different types of dress and nudity will show up in our lives. Do we look away every time that happens? Do we blame the woman and order her to cover herself? Or is it that it is indeed a problem in our hearts that needs to be addressed? And B, He knows that it won’t matter how much a woman is covered up.

I could give you countless examples of how the idea of “putting the blame on the woman” and “making her dress modestly” doesn’t work, but instead, I’ll give you a few.

When this idea is taken to the extreme, this is how women end up in burqas. (And are still raped, and are still blamed for their own rape.) burqas

Take me for instance. I am big right now but when I was thinner I had a very desirable body type. I have/ had a smaller waist, larger hips and an enormous chest. There is literally nothing that I can do to cover my chest. I can put something on up to my neck, men will still stare at my chest. Unfortunately, I’m used to it and don’t really blame them anymore. But there is nothing that can be done about my body shape unless I wear a paper bag all the time.

I was told one time by a pastor’s wife that I needed to “not make my brothers stumble”… At the time I was wearing a peasant blouse, and a skirt that was literally about an inch above my knees. I was flabbergasted.

If men have THAT much of a problem with my body, then the problem isn’t me, it’s in their hearts.

And again, this is where I’m bringing it back around full circle.

I don’t believe for one minute that women should walk around in booty shorts and tube tops. Nor do I think miniskirts and spiked heels are appropriate for church. But no one ever will be able to agree on what is appropriate because something is always more or less appropriate to everyone.

I have a friend who complained that women’s pant suits were too shapely… really? A pant suit?

The problem is that men (especially in this day and age) have trained themselves to see women lustfully, and hence no amount of covering is going to help their “problem”… In fact, it might make it worse. The reason (that it might make it worse) is because it might train them to see Christian women as “undesirable” as they are all wearing overalls, no make up and jewelry, while worldly women look gorgeous (lol).

Men take in a ton of “lust” and “porn” every single day, and then blame Christian women for being dressed too sexy? Erm… double standard? LOL. If you were really concerned about your eyes, you’d stop watching movies with nudity left and right. You’d stop gawking at love scenes. You’d stop looking when you walked by ads with sexy women.

Instead, you look at all of that stuff and then tell women to cover up more. Full, freaking…circle. Christ addressed men for a reason, and this is that reason. Men blame women, but the problem is men and their hearts.

Until men learn how to stop seeing women as objects for pleasure, no amount of “covering” will ever be enough.

Ladies… Don’t take this as a “go ahead” to wear whatever you want. Use discernment, love God, love your body, and don’t let people make you feel bad if you think you look pretty.

And so, this is what I came to. I use a certain amount of discernment in dressing and I don’t worry about every little curve, bump, and cleavage gap anymore. I’ve lived long enough to realize that no matter how covered I am, I still get stared at and down.