Internet articles are so ridiculous sometimes…
“How to avoid insomnia… 31 tips and tricks that you absolutely MUST know!”
Me: Wow, okay, *opens*…
Article : Trick number 1… make sure it’s dark.
Me: DAMMIT! I’ve been doing it wrong all of these years… So has everyone else! We all sleep with the lights blazing! What other nuggets of wisdom can this second coming of an article have to offer?
Article: Tip number 19, “Avoid drink coffee before you go to bed”
ME: FOILED AGAIN! This is the ONLY time I drink coffee!
Article: Trick Number 22, “Avoid loud noises, make sure it’s quiet!”
Me: … *turns to the marching band…* “Guys, I won’t be needing your services tonight… no, Arnoldo… you don’t need to bang that drum anymore…
Article: Don’t sleep with lions, arachnids, or any other poisonous or potentially dangerous creature.
Me: Oh, now you’re just being silly.