Kids, let me explain you a thing

It always makes me mucho sado when I happily say to someone, “I KNOW! We can go to Starbucks!” Generally after they say that they want something good to drink and they say, “Ugh, but I don’t drink coffee…”

Hey man, it’s cool. You are not required to drink, like, or even desire coffee…

But let me explain you a thing… While it IS true that Starbucks is known for it’s delicious dark and dreamy roasts of beans from far away, Starbucks sells a lot of dang things that ARE NOT COFFEE!

I will never ever forget working there and people coming in all the time shocked, no OFFENDED… IRATE! APPALLLED that I would suggest that their small child might want something as well! It was as though I had just suggested that their sweet faced cherub drink thousand year old vodka from satan’s bum hole… “NO! CHILDREN DO NOT DRINK the COFFEE!” To which I would say in kindly terms, “Sir, or Madame… we sell things here that are distinctly not coffee.”

It always baffles me because the menu truly IS right there above my head… no, really… look up. It’s there.

Let me tell you some of the amazing things that you can do that are NOT coffee…

Strawberry lemonades.
I was NOT a fan of these but they were a big hit. Essentially, Starbucks takes the strawberry that they use in other drinks (real strawberries) and pours a bit into some lemonade. People LOVED these during the summer! Ingredients… strawberries… lemonade… >_>

Iced Teas.
SOME people might whine that these are just as bad as coffee and I hear ya, but a passion tea with a squirt of velencia really hits the spot. Ingredients… passion tea, velencia syrup.

Creme’ frappucinos…
Please… when you come in, order a FRAP and not a CAP… We heard this so often that we’d literally make the cappucino just to piss the poor person ordering it off.

Anyways, any CREME frappucino is “coffee free” “sans coffee” “coffee count = zero…” These are GREAT because they are just like shakes! A vanilla bean frappucino is like a vanilla shake, and a chocolate creme frap is like a chocolate shake! AND GUESS WHAT! You can get creative too! Try getting a vanilla creme and tell the guy to add a spoonful of chocolate chips! They also have green tea frappucinos which are made with matcha powder and syrup.

Hot Chocolates-
You might have guessed that this item does NOT have coffee in it… because it doesn’t! XD Ingredients… milk, chocolate, vanilla syrup (word to the wise, order this one with one LESS pump of chocolate and an extra pump of vanilla… for whatever reason SB uses a formula for this that makes it taste like mud…literally 😛 )

Caramel apple cider-
These are so good! Basically all they do is steam apple juice and add a ton of caramel, but it’s still amazing!

Milk-
Yes, you can order a plain milk at SB.

CHOCOLATE milk-
Wonder of wonders, you can do that too.

WHITE hot chocolate-
Most SB’s will know what this means. Basically it’s a white mocha without the coffee. (you can also add a shot of peppermint, or hazelnut to hot chocolates btw for a different flavor)

Vanilla steamer –
It’s like a vanilla latte without coffee.

Starbucks ALSO sells smoothies now! These are totally coffee-less.

If that wasn’t enough, in their case they also sell a variety of beverages that are neither coffee nor milk related. Often they’re sodas or juices, or even juice BOXES…

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So please… when I ask you if you want to go get starbucks, don’t tell me that you don’t drink coffee… 😛

 

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6 thoughts on “Kids, let me explain you a thing

  1. Thanks for posting this! I love Starbucks but recently, due to medical reasons, I had to give up caffeine. I was super sad becuase I didn’t have any think there was anything at SB for me. I did later find out about the fraps but now thank to you I can try all sorts of new things. Thanks again

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