You’re too fat… OMG!!! YOU’RE TOO SKINNY!!!

I’m “weighing in” a little here because I have just spotted a topic on facebook that honestly just ticks me off a little bit.

It’s the “biggest loser” fiasco regarding Rachel Frederickson and the infamous “season fifteen” (Which, I’m going to warn you, I did not see.)

From what I can tell, Jillian Michaels has declared that she is “leaving the show” due to “what happened with Rachel” in regards to the reveal that formerly 260 pound Rachel Frederickson lost a total of 155 lbs, meaning that she now only weighed 105lbs. I checked, Rachel is 5’4, which for the record is almost exactly as tall as I am.

rachel-frederickson-in-disbelief

This actually enrages me and let me tell you why…

Jillian of ALL people should know that people who spend MOST of their lives big, feeling worthless, feeling inadequate, and feeling as though they can’t do anything about this “giant” curse over their heads want nothing more than to look in the mirror one day and magically realize, “Hey… I weigh 100 pounds today…”

Seriously… we’re fed it every single day… the girls in movies, TV, on the news, they’re all TWIGS… yes, occasionally, we see some girl who is OBVIOUSLY too thin, but for the most part, the girls in entertainment seem to weigh little more than 110 at the MOST. When you look at a woman on the screen and then realize that the camera magically “adds 10 lbs”, you realize that people in entertainment are really freaking thin.

rachel-frederickson-in-disbelief1

Now, why is what we think a problem? Because it’s perpetuates this ridiculous idea that we’ve gotten into as a society regarding weight in general. If you’re overweight, then you’re fat… lose weight… but don’t lose TOO MUCH weight, then you’re thin and you’re no better… Recently, (well, a few years ago) Demi Lovato was slammed first for being too big… then she was equally SLAMMED for being too thin.

Can I ask the question that everyone should be asking? “WHO THE FU** CARES?!?!”

How do I put this gently… don’t tell people that they need to lose weight and then get all crazy over them losing what is apparently “too much” weight…

I know that I wake up days praying that I’ll magically step on the scale and find that I weight 100lbs. I’d settle EASY PEASY for 105LBS.
Maybe I’ve totally lost my mind, but Rachel honestly does NOT look anorexic to me. I understand that her ARMS look a bit thin, but the rest of her doesn’t look twiggy, just thin.

Jillian disappoints me because she has literally made her job on that show about screaming in the faces of fat people because of how fat they are… “SLAY THE FATTTTTTTTTT!!!!” ….. well, I’d say that someone who has lost 155 pounds and has a BMI of 18 has probably “slain the fat”… wouldn’t you?

rachel-frederickson-in-disbelief2

Let’s all also not forget one VERY important thing… there was a LOT of money hanging in the balance… I don’t know about anyone else, but if it meant that I could be thin AND get a few hundred thousand, I’d eat chicken broth for a MONTH to make sure that I was ABSOLUTELY the lowest weighing person there.

She gained twenty pounds back AFTER the fact, but honestly? I don’t think that she needed to. If she was okay with her weight being 105, then FINE! Who is anyone to judge?

Look, I’m not advocating anorexia here, what I’m saying is that big people want to be thin… WAY thin… and I don’t know why everyone freaks out when someone who’s REALLY big gets REALLY skinny. What business is it of anyone else’s how skinny is too skinny?

Let’s be clear… YES, if a person is obviously not eating then that’s a problem. YES, if a person is sickly or harming themselves or throwing up to be “thin” then that’s a problem. But why is it wrong for a person to be REALLY thin?

My little sister is 5’7 (Rachel is 5’4) and naturally weighs 103-105lbs… NATURALLY. She doesn’t look “too thin” in fact, she’s like a size 3/5. I know that that varies and Rachel was probably a 0-2, but again, so what? If she’s happy with it, and she’s not hurting herself why do we (as a society) take an issue with “too fat” “now too thin”…

Just something to think about. I think the point is that if you’re going to be a show that screams “LOSE WEIGHT” don’t leave when someone loses a crap ton of weight! Especially since that’s what these people all dream about- losing weight.

We as a culture just screw with people’s heads when we tell them too fat, too skinny, etc. PLUS, we are putting WAY too much stock into someone’s “weight” when what should matter is are they healthy? But even more so, are they kind? Compassionate? Understanding? Beautiful in other ways? Let’s stop with the too skinny too fat thing… let’s focus on someone’s qualities.

Some OTHER shocking BL transformations-

Rachel rachel1 rachel2 Rachel3

Just so we’re clear, I checked as well… Rachel’s BMI was 18 when she weighed in at 105, which is only SLIGHTLY lower than the average which is 18.5 – 24.9

 

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TL;DR The problem with THIS picture –

I understand that I am late to the game on this… like… way late… like, this issue has been dead and buried.

That’s cool. I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and figured I’d finally try and voice my own opinion on it.

Now, to begin this topic, we are going to start with a test. Get a pencil and paper ready… we’re going to write our answers down. Don’t worry, this won’t be hard.

Okay, here we go-
Which do you prefer:

A. “I want to see you succeed. Why don’t we do this together?”

B. “What’s wrong with you?”

Which do you prefer:

A. “You can do this! You can do the thing!”

B. “Are you stupid? What is your problem!?”

Which do you prefer:

A. “I know there’s a lot of issues right now. I know things look bleak. But, you’ve got this. You can manage it. I’ll help you if you need help.”

B. “Forget your fucking problems, and pull yourself up and do it, you loser!”

Which do you prefer:

A. “Look. I understand that life seems to have completely rolled you. I understand that some of this is in your control and some of it isn’t. I understand that things are terribly hard and you’re weak, hurting and in pain. But, let’s try and learn. Let’s move slowly, and let’s build until you’re able to run for the gold… that’s the best way to do things anyways. And when you fall, let’s take a moment to learn from it, to make sure we see the goals ahead and to not spend any time making yourself feel terribly for having a bad day. We all have bad days, and no one should feel guilty for having them.”

B. “What’s YOUR excuse?”

….

If you answered A to most of these or all of them. You’re probably pretty normal.

You see, I believe in “tough love.” Tough love is pretty tough, but often people forget the key word in tough love… “LOVE”…

I want to look at the biblical definition of love because often, people forget it when throwing around the “L” word… and they ESPECIALLY forget it when throwing around the “tough love” phrase. You probably know it, but that’s okay-

1st Cor 13 –
       If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13 So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Wow. Great verses, yes? I have underlined 4 – 7 to draw your attention.

I believe that often when we go towards a goal, we forget that how we do a thing is different that how someone else does a thing because of an immeasurable amount of factors.

Ultimately, yes a person can ONLY help themselves. Only THEY can figure out how to do a thing and in what way to go forward.

It’s EASY to say that doing a thing is EASY when you yourself have done the thing and found it to be easy.

You have done the thing based on your own circumstances, your own mental state, what is readily available to you, how you viewed the thing, your health, physical condition and past regarding the thing that you have accomplished.

But this does not mean that it is easy for everyone else, nor does it mean that even if the same exact things are applied to how the other person approaches it that they’ll succeed the same as you.

Each “thing” is a mystery that often comes with baggage, obstacles, views on the “thing”, upbringing, history, how you approach life, etc.

Assuming that the “thing” is easy, or doesn’t have excuses is not only ridiculous, it’s rude.

It’s rude because you do not know a person’s reason for not being able to do the “thing”. Or if they’re trying, have tried and failed, or want to try but have tried before and failed, or want to try and have never found a solution that works.

Yes, if you haven’t guessed at this point, I’m referring to weight. But, honestly, this can apply to a lot of things. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been made to feel inferior because I couldn’t do “the thing”… whatever the thing was.
I clearly remember telling someone one time that I couldn’t do math well. (this was after I’d graduated, and it had been proven that I honestly completely SUCK at math). The person dismissively replied, “Well, then you’ve already defeated yourself.”

Discounting the fact that I had tried for countless hours upon hours to actually get math correct. Discrediting my long nights of crying, and being yelled at because I “didn’t get it”… As if “math” was the sum of my being… I had “already defeated myself”…

I might add that the man that I was speaking with was a “math wizard” and was known for having been so basically since birth. This factor is IMPORTANT when speaking to someone who is not inherently good at something that you popped out of the warm and cuddly womb literally writing as the doctor handed you a pencil and paper after giving your bum a good smack.

I remember feeling lousy for a long while. It changed my view of this man that I actually admired and respected. At the time he was to be my father in law. I felt as though I could not make him proud what so ever, when at the same time, I felt as though he should understand that I was not good at math and that this was a fact. Not a feat that I was in need of “challenging”. I wanted him to understand that I wasn’t giving an “excuse”, that I was stating a “fact.”

COULD I become good at math if given the right circumstances and learning conditions, teachers, and precise theory that worked well for me? Probably. But, again, I am mentioning that there are a list of factors when it comes to a “thing” and why or why not a person is or isn’t good at the thing.

This is no different than a thing like “weightloss”… oh sure, every single person on the planet can go on a strict calorie counting regimen and exercise two hours a day and drop a ton of weight. But, if certain things are not worked out in the process of this, this might not be lasting.

You see, extra body “baggage” often comes with other “baggage”. It’s almost always emotional. I am convinced that in some cases, the heaviness of a person heart literally affects their ability to lose weight, hence causing them to gain it more quickly and lose it much harder.

I was not born fat. I wasn’t fat until I hit a specific time in my life, and that time came with a lavish amount of pain. After this lavish amount of pain hit me (and at the time, I was only 8… then 9, … then 10) my weight spiraled out of control.

But let me explain you a thing that was bizarre about this particular “spiraling of weight”… I didn’t change my eating habits. No, in fact, the only thing that truly seemed to change in my life was how ridiculously depressed I was and how no one seemed to listen to me whenever I spoke up about how much I was hurting inside due to multiple factors in my life. (again, factors).

Now, don’t get me wrong. We all moved to Toronto Canada at this point (another factor that hurt me deeply as I had to leave all friends, family, and other kin behind), and during our time there we all indulged a little extra in food. Mostly around the holidays.

But funnily enough, when we moved BACK to Southern California, the “extra weight” that my parents put on dropped off of their bodies like magic. But mine did not. I grew a little, so I got a bit thinner, but I did not magically become thin.

Now, my father has always been big, but he lost weight. I did not.

Here’s where I start explaining this “factors” thing again.

Weight is like this… anyone can gain it. It’s not discriminate. It often makes people slow and unhappy. But, weight spiraling out of control can be related to a number of things.

Like a person’s own body. You see, I grew up with my mother and father. THEY bought the food that was in the house (not “mostly junk”) and fed it to me until a certain age. And yet, my mother and sister were always a thin- medium (my sister is still a stick), but I am “obese.” How can that be?

I have unfortunately in my life been treated as if my weight gain is entirely my fault when in reality, I don’t even truly know the cause of it, AND I’ve continued to get heavier throughout my life. If anyone is proof that diets do not work, I am. I have literally been on a diet my entire existence (or at least since I have gotten heavier)… depriving myself of food or things that I wanted to eat only caused my insides to rage and feel as if I was losing more control over my own life and it made me eat more or binge eat (on occasion, I’ve never binge eaten for days, or even weeks).

But, I ask myself again… why am I fat? I don’t know.

Okay, then the proper question is, “why can’t I get thin?” …

Well, another list of factors…

I have TRIED to get thin. As you will recall, I’ve been on a diet for many years, many different times with many different plans. Funnily enough, when my parents did the “atkins” plan to lose weight. They actually did! In fact, everyone in the family lost weight! That was/is… except for me. I was even exercising some at the time expecting to jump on the scale and see it move. A little… at all… any? Nothing…

This was actually when I became (for a brief period in my life) anorexic. Because I was tired of being fat. Being told that the reason that I was fat was all my fault. (because people who are fat MUST be sneaking large cakes into their bedroom every night and eating them… let me be clear… I was not.)

To this day, the changes I’ve made in my diet to “get thinner” have been leaps and bounds of progress. I no longer have chips in my house on a regular basis. Or soda, which I stopped drinking when I was seventeen in an attempt to get thinner and now only drink water or tea. I do not eat “dessert” every night or even every other night (as my mother claims that I must be doing).

The thing that is worse than not knowing WHY you are fat is realizing that other people believe that it is your FAULT that you are fat. When they start giving you the “eye” because you took that extra slice of pizza… but wait a second! They did too! And thirds, and fourths… but if YOU did it, that’s just proof that your being overweight is your own damn fault.

You see, it’s difficult to exist in a world where everyone around you eats the same way you do, or even WORSE than you do but yet, the fact that you’re fat is YOUR fault. This makes it difficult for the fat person to even understand what the problem is to begin with.
“Hey, come over for pizza and ice cream friday night!”
“SURE!”
“IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT YOU’RE FAT! LOOK AT HOW YOU EAT!”
“What?” 😦

Serious problem here.

Serious problem with how my parents raised me as well. This is another factor. Another factor is that I was never taught by example OR by simple force to do any exercise what so ever. My mother proudly states that she gets her “exercise” by “going up and down dem starrrs…” which is apparently why she’s seventy lbs light than I am… yup. I guess going up and down stairs four times a day will do it by jove! (she of course forgets that I used to live in that same house and do the same thing and that I now live in a building with stairs which I climb on average once a day… hey, three more times and I can lose seventy pounds).

I know very little about exercise and when I’ve tried it, I’ve found that quite a bit of it was not for me. Not because I don’t want to do it but because of the NEXT factor.

I am missing a whole part of my hip. Nothing wrong with it, I was just born that way. Doing “leg lifts” or  “squats” is more like “I think I might legitimately be in the seventh circle of hell right now”. Mostly for exercise, I walk. I was told by a doctor that I shouldn’t run, but on occasion recently, I do that too.

I will absolutely admit that I need to push myself harder in the exercise department and I would probably lose a ton of weight.

Here comes another factor. I have never in my life learned how to push myself at anything. I am one of those people who ALWAYS wakes up tired, NEVER seems to wake up during the day, and is usually crawling into bed by 4PM… My body does NOT seem to turn food into energy regardless of what I’m eating. Soup, salad, oatmeal, chicken, beans and veggies just seem to do NOTHING in my body but make me sluggish. Yes, junk food makes this even worse.

My life recently though has looked very similar to the diet that I have just presented you… more vegetables. More salads, lentils, beans, water, tea, more chicken and turkey, less food overall… and yet here we are… obese.

Let’s talk about the last thing… I have been sick for nearly a year. In fact, at the end of July, it will in fact be a year. This illness involves chronic, pain that exists in… well, let’s just be frank, my genitals. Yup. This stuff CAN happen.

Here’s where the vicious cycle thing happens. There’s a good chance that my pain is upset by the fact that I’m heavy… but my pain is making doing anything VERY hard. If you don’t know, I am married. There is no intimacy there… there hasn’t been for a while in a way that is not painful for me. This only makes me more depressed, and stress and depression feed this condition andddddd we start back at the beginning.

So what is my point in this TL;DR post?

My point is that regardless of “the thing” – whatever the thing is, there are tons of reasons for why a person might or might not have accomplished that same thing that you accomplished, and that means that you don’t really have the right to explain to them that they’re a moron, unmotivated, stupid, etc…

So, what is wrong with this picture?

Whats-Your-Excusemom

The answer is the lack of “love” (when looked at in 1 Cor 13)… It’s GREAT that you “have no excuses”… (and a ton of pride in YOURSELF… which, I’m not even going to touch right now)

I have a lot of them, and growing up I was told, “stop with your excuses” most of my life… instead of “yes you can,” and “I’ll help you”… I was treated as if my pains, aches, and disturbances were mere “excuses” so that I wouldn’t have to do a “thing”…

Little did my parents know that I actually HAD a dislocated hip… that I actually DID get migraines / headaches on a regular basis because of my back that often caused me to vomit. Little did they know that I had a chronic illness that made eating make me sick (something that I haven’t even touched on here, ask me questions below). That I actually WASN’T sleeping at night and that I had the energy of a seventy year old at 11/12… And that yes, I’m sure that ALL of this could be at least “helped” from weight loss…

BUT I AM LEARNING… I might be learning until I’m dead for heavens sake because I still haven’t figured it out.

Some people DO and they move on. Others it takes a long amount of time due to a list of factors.

But, you might have easily (or with some work and your own obstacles) have accomplished the thing. Seriously… good for you… now do a sister a favor and back her up instead of acting like she’s weak, giving excuses, and just has a “problem” … the reality is that she KNOWS that she has problems and those problems have caused her to want to give up, not PUSH FORWARD… even though I am.

 

 

TL;DR – PSYCOPATH and SOCIOPATH, they’re not terribly different, but actually, they are.

“I’m not a psychopath, Anderson. I’m a high functioning sociopath,” Sherlock growled as if the particular strain of disease that Anderson had was “incurable moron.”

“My horse is hitched to a post that is closer to aspergers and autistics,” Will Graham replied as he looked down. The look on his face was telling, perhaps he was inwardly retching at the fact that Jack Crawford just had the audacity to move his glasses back up his nose, “Narcissists and sociopaths,” he added quickly.

“But, you can empathize with narcissists and sociopaths…” Crawford interjected.
“I can empathize with anybody,” Will replied shoving his books into his satchel.

———————————————————————————————————–

“Excuse me, what you’re saying offends me, so I like… need you to stop talking about it in my earshot…”

It always amazes me how often someone says something like this to me. Usually it’s when they either A, haven’t met me or B, have known me for five minutes. I don’t recall growing up in a world like this, especially when dealing with strangers, but what the hell, we’ll play along.

They’re offended… now what? There’s nothing that I can do to make them “Un-offended”… so, on the one hand, why even announce it in the first place? More than likely, I’m going to walk out or away in five minutes and if I was an idiot… so what? How does it affect your life personally?

Let’s also be clear… being offended doesn’t make you right. Nor does it mean that you know what you’re talking about, nor does it mean that you know what I was attempting to say when you cut me off before I even finished my sentence.

I experienced this tonight when (after going to see How to Train Your Dragon Two) my husband and I popped into a cozy little clothing store that was going out of business. I picked up some amazing jewelry that I’ll definitely have to show off in photos later on.

In this store, my husband (who is naturally a talker) began to engage the three women who worked there in a conversation that lasted for nearly two hours. It was great fun!

One of them however (who had spent several minutes only speaking with my husband towards the beginning) did not engage and overheard us when we began talking about children with aspergers. Specifically, when a lot of them are antisocial and say things just because they want to say them even if they’re highly inappropriate or even murderous. I began to say that a lot of them were sociopaths… (gasps from the audience…)

Did you get offended just then… when I said that? Well, she ABSOLUTELY did, and before letting me finish my thought she stopped the entire conversation from several feet away to explain to us how offended she was that I had ever said such a thing. She prefaced this with “I have a degree in education”… I always find it amusing when people feel the need to preface what their saying with their credentials because it really doesn’t make you look any SMARTER… Especially since having a degree in education doesn’t mean that you know anything ABOUT aspergers.
“I have an autistic brother! He went to an autistic school!” she stated. She then stated, “I’ve been around these people” (so have I), “And they are NOT like that.”

“How long did you spend around them?” I asked.
“My whole life.”

Okay, I wasn’t going to ask her why she went to an autistic school “her whole life” when she doesn’t have autism, but what the hell, again, we’ll play along. Now she’s UBER offended, and I turned back to the other two letting her continue to rant and sort of tuning her out.

Unfortunately, my wording and the fact that she didn’t let me finish my thought gave her a misguided idea of what I was attempting to say.

I have realized in the autism community recently that people do not seem to know the difference between the words “SOCIOPATH” and “PSYCOPATH”… They have often put the word SOCIOPATH on the same level as the word “psychopath”… it’s not the case.

A sociopath is someone who doesn’t feel empathy, and is antisocial which are two of the defining characteristics of aspergers and autism syndromes. It can also be defined as someone without a conscience, but that is not notably what it means. A PSYCOPATH is someone who’s mental disturbances and misgivings lend them to extremely violent behavior. These are the people that you see gunning everyone down.

PLEASE, for the sake of having a conversation, understand the differences between these two words, AND the difference between someone who has high functioning apergers and a person with autism.

NOTE- Wikipedia has these words lumped together on the same page with one of the first notes on it being “ANTI-SOCIAL” – not murderous or evil, or malicious. The finer details come later on in the descriptions.

Recently, I have simply witnessed far too many people stab their own eyes out in a fit of “offense” or “terror” because the word SOCIOPATH was used, when I fully believe that their mind’s eye heard the word “PSYCOPATH”… The word does NOT imply that these people are evil, or that they can NOT have relationships. It implies that they are antisocial, lack empathy (or become good at mimicking empathy) and don’t always have a moral compass.

When you’ve spent an excessive amount of time with people who have aspergers (I have, as I am married to one), you realize fairly quickly, that people with aspergers DO NOT always or often feel empathy. They have a difficult time understanding when a person is hurting or sad, or in pain, or even caring. This makes them appear very self centered even to the point of “appearing” evil. Anyone who has watched the show “Alphas” (which was cut) for any period of time and witnessed the character that Ryan Cartwright portrayed (Gary Bell) will realize that without understanding the context of his condition he appears EXTREMELY self centered, uncaring, unfeeling and has an extreme lack of empathy and appears to have no moral compass in many situations. Or, Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.

The next problem was this; she said that her brother had autism, not aspergers. She explained to my husband that he (her brother) was about as far down on the aspergers scale for it to still be considered aspergers without strictly falling into autism.

Believe it or not, these are two VERY different categories of a similar condition. People with aspergers can appear very normal, however they may have tendencies that SEEM sociopathic, while people with autism will rarely if ever appear normal to the rest of us. The further down the spectrum of autism that one gets, the more they seem childlike, or incapable.

I have spent copious amounts of time around at least three people (all male) classified with aspergers syndrome (all falling under slightly different categories)… I am not speaking out of my butt, or making light of the fact that I have had to do tons of research on this condition in order to live with someone with aspergers and I will tell you, that they DEFINITELY display what are “seemingly” sociopathic tendencies.

NOW, if she had let me finish, she might have heard me explain this. It does not mean that people with aspergers are evil, or even malicious…. However, by this point she’d already laid her rant out (obviously stamping me as an ignorant evil person, and obviously refusing to change her mind about me even after my husband approached her in an attempt to apologize and announced that he HIMSELF has ASPERGERS!)…

I believe that the problem however has to do with the handling of these words. When I say that someone appears sociopathic, I am referring to them acting more closely to Will Graham in Hannibal, or Sherlock in the series of the same name.

It was pretty clear that she was not interested in my apology, or my side of the story when (at the end) I attempted to approach her and apologize. She said something to the affect of “You said that all people with autism were sociopaths” (again, this shows that her reaction was on an emotional level as I firstly did NOT say that ALL of them were, and I voiced as much when she said this to me, I said that a lot of them were, and that secondly, we were talking about a very specific group of this type… those with high functioning aspergers) – I said, “I believe that if you had let me continue, you would have understood what I was attempting to say,-” and she cut me off to say, “Well, I’d heard ENOUGH from you and right now I want to end the conversation as I have tons of work to do,” and entirely dismissed me after that with a giant Dorito on her shoulder and an inwardly justified morality that absolutely assured her that I was the Cruella Deville of the knowledgeable asperger kingdom and she was the queen of Pride rock.

Sad…

I think the part that is the most difficult for me is that I have grown up in a world where firstly, I don’t always bark at someone who I will literally not know in fifteen minutes for saying something ignorant, and secondly, I have always taken someone’s apology and given them a second chance.

I really believe that we can learn from those experiences.

I know people are going to take my words above and twist them and say, “YOU SAID THAT EVERYONE WITH ASPERGERS IS A SOCIOPATH AND THAT OFFENDED HER BECAUSE HER BROTHER HAS IT, ETC!” … No, I said that some people with aspergers are sociopaths. The word a lot is not most, nor all.

So often when someone stops me from speaking because they are “offended” by my words, I want to just bark back at them, “Do you know how many times a day I come into contact with people who OFFEND me, but I don’t stop them from talking?… yeah…”

I donno… maybe I will say that next time.

I found most of this truly sad because I’m fairly certain (99 percent sure) that she believed in the first twenty minutes that my husband was actually flirting with her because she did not see me with him, and he continued to chat her up for a good fifteen – twenty while her tone obviously became more friendly and perhaps a tad flirtatious.

Oops… he’s married and to an abusive witch who has no soul when it comes to asperger people… *shrugs*

Oh well, my 70$ necklace that only cost 30ish was well worth it and hopefully next time I’ll choose my wording better. I’m sure it was a lesson to me as well.

apergers

Let’s talk about Maleficent.

IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE AND DO NOT WANT / LIKE SPOILERS, DO NOT READ FURTHER. I warn you, I spoil everything.

I really didn’t think that I was going to like Maleficent. I absolutely abhorred Oz the Great and Powerful and thought that the Alice in Wonderland remake with Johnny Depp was little more than “o.k.”

Disney seems to have run out of ideas entirely and because of this, they’ve decided that the only thing that they can do now is remake old movies. The problem with this is they seem to have decided that the best way to do this is to entirely re-write (again) the classic fairy tale.

This really brings up a lot of issues for the screen plays, the writing and the directing I think.

For instance-
Did we really get anything out of knowing that Theodora’s heart was totally shattered by a man that she knew for twelve and a half hours? OTHER than terrible acting, God awful tacky green make up, and Mila Kunis screeching her lines at a decibel that nearly shattered my ear drums (and was it just me or was she totally cross eyed in her first appearance… I nearly died laughing)? Or the overly dramatic turns and stances at the end to “kill time” before harm was actually caused?

The MOVIE Oz the Great and Powerful would have been more appropriately named “Two British Bad tempered witches and a dopey one”… In the end the movie was barely ABOUT Oz. It focused very little on his life, or conflicts, or emotional state. Mostly, he was running, or bumbling, or hiding. The only moment he truly had was at the end.

I don’t know about anyone else, but when I hear that a movie is going to be called “Oz the Great and Powerful,” I immediately think to myself, “I hope I get to see a movie about a great men and his great adventures and his ability to overcome”… not the hissy fit that this film was. (And someone please explain to me when they decided that all of the witches had to be British? I felt that it brought all of their characters down terribly. They sounded cocky and prissy, and not at all threatening or frightening. I think it truly staggering when a school teacher from the 1930’s is more intimidating than a supposedly high class actress and her screaming/ screeching and broken heart threnodies and how they turned her green.)

ANYWAYS (If you’ve made it this far, I applaud you).
With the mess that was that movie, and others which were remade, I figured that this was going to suck copious amounts of monkey diarrhea.

But I decided over the weekend to go ahead and see it, and I was pleasantly surprised.

First, I’m going to give an over-view of the film. Then, I’m going to tell you what I disliked/ hated about it. If you want to skip the overview, go from BELOW to the triple stars.

Again, you’ve been warned, many spoilers ahead.

The movie is visually stunning. There are so many colorful and wild moments that are brilliantly orchestrated.

We are first introduced to the character of Maleficent when she is a young child or young adult rather, freely flying and happily greeting other creatures who live in her realm. She is an adolescent with tons of heart who rules over her part of the world.

Wait… she’s an adolescent with tons of heart?
Her name is Maleficent. Maleficent literally means “to harm” or that “you are evil” and “want to do evil things…” How did a sweet innocent little girl end up having a name like Maleficent? I suppose we could ask her parents, but they’re not around to answer… Well, no matter.

Of course, we COULD have simply said that she had no name and that later on, when she became evil, her name BECAME Maleficent. Or, we could have changed it, but never the less, we’ll have to move on.

She’s incredibly young and beautiful, and kind, and spirit filled, and she has giant horns (even though none of the other fairies do) and giant wings (even though none of the other fairies are giant…) In truth (and my husband commented on this too) she really ended up looking more like a female version of what we might imagine lucifer to look like, which admittedly, we both thought was kind of odd.

The movie diverges a little here and shows you a love story between her and King Stefan, who is a young boy and not yet King. He is in fact a stable boy who’s parents are (conveniently) dead. The two fall in love, and he comes to see her repeatedly for a span of a few years. Then at some point, he simply stops coming to see her.

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We learn that it’s because he’s become a servant in the king’s palace and the dying King who attacked the fairy realm, but failed due to Maleficent fighting back with the others, states that whoever kills Maleficent will be crowned King.

Maleficent

Stefan of course forgets all of his love for Maleficent, goes to her, tricks her into spending time with him, and while she sleeps, he cuts her wings off.

Enraged, and heartbroken, and obviously in pain, Maleficent slowly becomes “evil” over a period of a few years.

She enlists the help of a crow whom she turns into a man named “Diaval” (who’s name is obviously supposed to make us think of “devil” ) by saving his life, and thus indebting him to her.

Maleficent Diaval

Diaval goes to Maleficent to tell her that the king and queen have a child and she shows up and does her famous schpiel about her growing in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her, and then that she’ll prick her finger, bla bla bla… however, at this point, she changes it up a bit from the Disney version and states that there is a way for the curse to be broken, and that is if she receives true loves kiss she ALSO stipulates that no one can stop this from happening or revoke it. She does this after Stefan begs her, humiliating himself in front of his entire kingdom.

Maleficent 1

Stefan sends Aurora away, and the three fairies “grow up” / become human sized to care for her. However, they’re so ridiculously obtuse that they have no idea how to care for a child. Because apparently fairy babies and human babies are entirely different.

Because of this, Maleficent comes along and oversees the situation, keeping Aurora alive so that her curse may be enacted because these fairies don’t even seem to know how to feed a baby.

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She continues this for the entirety of the sixteen years, all the while with Diaval giving her “the eye” when she does something particularly wicked or when she goes too far. Often, her response to this is to merely turn him back into a bird so that she can’t hear his protests. But, he plays a large role in this as well. He often plays with Aurora in bird form. The two becoming wonderful friends. She calls him her, “pretty bird.”

MALEFICENT

Over the course of the sixteen years, there are a few moments in which Aurora stumbles onto Maleficent accidentally, and the two merely part ways. But, (and I believe in part this is due to the blessing of the fairies), Maleficent slowly begins to “fall in love” with the baby. (no, not like that… but remember that one of the fairies blessings was that Aurora would be “beloved” by all that knew her). As time passes, we see that she’s developed a soft spot for her, to a point where she even takes her into the fairy realm and awakens her after hiding. She and Diaval watch her to see what she’ll do. This is where the commercial lines of “come out, don’t be afraid,” “I’m NOT afraid…” “Then come out,” “Then you’ll be afraid.” happen.

When they come out however, Aurora is unafraid and believes Maleficent to be her fairy godmother because she’s always seen Maleficent lurking about. Maleficent doesn’t dispute this, and introduces her to Diaval, (who kisses her hand) and the other fairies.

Aurora and fairy

So this goes on for a few nights/ weeks/ months/ they don’t really tell us. Maleficent takes Aurora in the middle of the night to be with the fairy folk and they begin to have some fun together.

During this time, we are made aware that Stefan has gone mad. He’s talking to the pair of wings that he cut off, in a room alone and foregoes going to his wife’s deathbed to talk to the wings (which are locked up as a prize).

Maleficent Stefan

Maleficent regrets her curse, and even attempts (after putting Aurora to sleep) to revoke it. But is haunted by her own words that “no one can stop the curse from happening.” This breaks her heart. However, after many nights with Maleficent, Aurora decides that she’s going to stay with her in the fairy realm. Seeing this as a possible way out of the curse, Maleficent agrees and tells her to stay now.

Thrilled, Aurora runs home to tell her aunts that she’s leaving forever, and on the way (of course) she meets Philip. They have a brief encounter and he heads off to the palace.

Maleficent Aurora and philip

During this time, Aurora is told who she truly is and Aurora runs home to her father, who is utterly mad and bent on destroying Maleficent. He orders Aurora locked away in her room so that she won’t fulfill the curse.

However, in her room, there is a secret chamber that leads her out and into the rest of the palace. Spellbound, Aurora finds a spinning wheel and pricks her finger, causing the curse to become complete.

MEANWHILE, Maleficent, having regretted her actions, finds Philip, puts him into a deep sleep and turns Diaval into a horse to ride to the castle with Philip asleep behind her (on his own horse). They get there, sneak in, and get Philip to the top of the tower where Aurora has been placed to lay for eternity.

Maleficent and Diaval sneak in after Maleficent awakens Philip to watch what will happen and the three fairies (who have shown up) urge Philip to kiss Aurora. He says that he wants to, and then does so, but nothing happens… So in a fit of rage, they kick him out. Then, they leave to go and attempt to find something else to break the curse.

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Maleficent and Diaval emerge from their hiding spot, both utterly heartbroken and Maleficent apologizes to Aurora and places a protection curse upon her so that no harm will come to her while she sleeps. Then, in tears, she kisses her on the forehead… and Aurora wakes up, stating, “Hello, Godmother,” which crushes the evil inside Maleficent. The two embrace and they attempt to leave the palace.

At this point, Stefan has gathered an army and they meet them on the way down where Stefan has used iron shields (Iron hurts fairies) to surround Maleficent. Maleficent orders Aurora to run, and she does, only to come to the room with Maleficent’s wings.

Diaval is trapped under a net and in the midst of battle, Maleficent turns him into a dragon.

Maleficent dragon

The battle rages on, and eventually, Aurora frees Maleficent’s wings and they fly to her and re-attach themselves onto her back. She takes flight, and Stefan grabs Maleficent with a whip, refusing to let go, she drags him to a high tower where she nearly kills him, but her new found “good hood” takes her down a different path. She tells him that this is “over’ and lets him go. Of course, he attempts to kill her when her back is turned and in a very “Beauty and the Beast” like moment, Stefan accidentally leaps to his death.

The last sequence involves Aurora being crowned in the fairy realm as both the queen of the human world and the queen of the fairy realm too, (oh yeah, and Philip shows up) also a very beautiful sequence of Maleficent being able to fly up into the sky again due to having her wings back.

 

* * *

PHEW… (YES, there are STILL spoilers after this point… do not read anymore if you don’t want them)

Okay, so… great movie. I honestly loved it.

Here were the things that I DID NOT love about it.

I had a problem with the fact that her name was Maleficent. The point of the movie being about this character was entirely lost on me. As I said at the beginning, I think that re-writing these movies creates a serious issue for Disney because of the fact that they change everything.

How do you make a movie about one of Disney’s most infamously diabolical villains and call it “Maleficent” … (again, name meaning… to do harm? Sinful? Evil…) ? when the movie is about her good-hood? But then again, how do you make a movie about Maleficent and change her name? You can’t… which creates a problem.

The next thing that I didn’t like about it was this-
If the answer to Maleficent getting her wings back was merely that she had to be in the vicinity of them… then why all of the malice? Why not just go and attempt to get her wings back? Are we supposed to believe that fairies didn’t KNOW that getting their wings back was that easy?

I did not like the fact that (and I don’t like this fact) that the whole “true love’s kiss” thing continues to be about “any kind of love…” – that seems to be Disney’s new take on anything and everything simply to make it so that women don’t “need no man” or so that young people can be kissed by their mom’s etc so that spells can be broken.

This to me is a mistake and an epic eye roll sort of moment, because it’s pretty much understood within the curse that “true love’s kiss” means that the person who is IN LOVE with you has to kiss you. Not your mom, or your grandmother, or your fairy godmother, or your brother… If THAT were the case, then heck, anyone in the family could line up for a smooch if they loved you. That’s why it’s silly.

Personally, I was hoping and waiting for it to be Diaval. I think this would have given us a new, very interesting twist for the story. That the person who really loved her was the person who grew up with her and played with her all the time as a bird. Now, this might not have been “true love” as in “married/ sex/ forever” love, but, it still would have made things more interesting and shocking to me.

The idea that DERRRP it’s so obvious, SHE has to kiss her was just odd to me.

NOW, to the people who will argue with me about that, I GET IT… this was a Maleficent redemption movie. Meaning that there is really no other way that this could go other than that Maleficent HAD to kiss her. But, by this point (to me at least,) Maleficent was already redeemed. She had attempted to take her curse back and she was about to fight for and put herself in harm’s way for Aurora. She’d protected her multiple times, etc.

I still believe that it would have been better if Diaval had done it. That pretty much is how it went in my mind. XD

Now, I have to complain about this a little…

This movie completely robbed all of the male characters of any rights, purpose or sanity. There was honestly not a single male character in this movie who wasn’t portrayed as evil, crazy, worthless, pointless, or under female control.

The character that I felt the worst for was Philip (AND THAT HAIR!). This poor actor literally came onto the scene for nothing. He didn’t even get to fight in the end or anything. In fact, he was robbed of his entire character. He had about five and a half minutes of time on the screen two of them of which he was completely knocked out and floating for.

Someone will say, “Well, now you know what it’s like for WOMEN in hollywood”… but I disagree. Whenever I see movies I can’t help but note that while ONE woman character might be oppressed or have it difficult or something, there are still OTHER women characters in the movie who are strong/ sufficient/ not sex objects/ have an actual ROLE/ aren’t insane/ aren’t portrayed as pointless or evil, etc.

Diversity makes it all up.

The last thing that I’ll talk about is the fact that I really don’t know how I feel about this new trend in Disney remakes to show the “good side” of evil.

When you really think about it, what is this teaching our children?

I think what it’s teaching them is that evil is really just misunderstood. There are valid reasons/ EXCUSES for someone’s actions. (even if they DID kill a lot of people, enslave a man, and curse a newborn…) If this continues to be the Disney direction… I don’t know how I feel about it.

Other minor things that were mentioned were things like –
Yes, I understand that the three fairies had to be at the party, but their worlds are “fighting” in real life. It doesn’t seem to make much sense.

Also… Maleficent is not the dragon? WTF?

Overall? See it. You’ll love it. It’s great.

I’m a Christian, and I want you to stop throwing bible verses at me…

It’s been one of those days … the kind where things started out fairly normal and totally unassuming and by 6:45PM I was basically hiding my tears.

I got into a conversation through the net earlier with two women (one of whom was my friend, the other who wasn’t). It was a normal exchange about the bible, hell and Christ in which some questions were being asked and I answered them. Towards the end of the discussion, I explained my final thought and then let the ladies know that I was leaving and un-following the conversation because I had to move on for the night and I needed to go film (something else that fell entirely through but I won’t get into all of that or it’ll make me cry again.)

Not long after, the second woman (who is not a friend) messaged me… she started right in,  “I’m sorry but your the biggest fake I’ve ever seen, I think you should read the rest of the post and see what life REALLY IS sweetie.  I no more believe your crap then the postman who says it’s not his baby.  Get a life and don’t try to con a professional!” She then proceeded to tell me that I didn’t respect the other woman in the conversation (which even she told me later on was incorrect). She then explained that she knew more about good and evil than I ever would (she might be right) and proceeded to advertise her book to me. (Because nothing makes me want to buy a book more than someone insulting me repeatedly) >_> Telling me that it’s an award winning book and that it’s going to be a movie… We jump a few sentences later to her giving me this gem, ” I apologize if I made assumptions, but it just seemed like you were being rude to ___, and I truly admire her for everything she’s been thru and the kind of lady she is today.  We all have our beliefs but pushing them on people is not or isn’t the way to get them to “see the light”.  Sure we all get accused of lying and it seems like you and ___ have a problem with that with each other.  (…. no, we didn’t… >_>) I don’t know you, but what I read seemed very rude to ____.  So maybe when I can see that you talk and can do it without being short or rude with her and rubbing this “oh gotta go, filming ugh” bs. by saying that it’s so childish I can’t even begin to tell you how childish, and if this is how you present yourself then you will never amount to jack.  You have a lot to learn and trust me ___ could teach you a LOT!” I explained to her that I was not being rude to said third party (again, she told me that I wasn’t being rude to her) and that we were exchanging words and questions and that I DID have to film and that at this point I was behind on what I was meant to be doing (so I basically got off) having noticed the time even though about all that I had left to do was some make up. Her last words to me were, ” Good for you, what porn are you in…” I tried to reply through my phone later on only to find out that she had blocked me. THAT’S maturity right there.

 

For the record, it wasn’t a porn (lol) and for the record, I’ve only ever slept with one person.

Now, if that wasn’t enough… let’s just say that some words have been exchanged on another forum that have really made me unhappy.

The last thing being that I had been asked to film something for the evening which would have included my husband but he pulled his back and was literally flat on the couch in pain the moment that he came home. There were a few other problems too, but that being the one that was the biggest issue.

Basically, by this point, I was crying, and I said as much to my husband trying to explain the mean lady who started harassing me through messages.

to which he replied to me with a bible verse.

This sent me into a rage, one that I now regret the consequences of (which were really mostly just me growling under my breath and a yell or two).

But regardless, I shouldn’t have reacted that way, I have apologized, but this got me thinking…

Look, I am a Christian and I want you to stop quoting the bible at me. Maybe isn’t not that you are quoting a scripture… maybe it’s because in the midst of my tears or agony you don’t realize how much your tone means to me and dismissively (with a hint of bitterness and exasperation) quoting a bible verse at me instead of showing compassion doesn’t cut it for making me feel any kind of better.

I remember one time an atheist who I highly admire said to me, “I won’t say ‘can I pray for you’, I’ll ask ‘what can I do’ ?” Funnily for the most part, I agree with this. It actually makes me a bit upset that as Christians, our way of dealing with people’s problems and situations is to either say “I’ll pray for you” or to quote some random scripture.

Who knows… maybe this is what Christ would do too… wait… no, the bible says that He will comfort those who mourn… and I highly doubt that He’d do it in the tone that we generally take when dealing with such issues.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just saying words into the breeze, but I honestly believe that we as Christians need to figure out a different way of dealing with people’s hurts, frustrations and issues. Yes, the bible is good for healing, study, etc… but often when a person has gotten to a point where they’re yelling, crying, sobbing, or irrational, quoting a bible verse is not going to calm them down.

Just a thought.