Men’s issues need to be violently thrust back onto them before the Christian church implodes

The new topic of today…


I am going to state immediately, that I am not coming down on the woman who chose NOT to wear leggings. If she TRULY felt that that was what the Lord wanted her to do, then good. Obedience is key to our Lord Jesus, so if you ever read this, dear, please don’t think that I’m beating you up.

What I’m beating up is the idea that dressing more modestly will “help the men in the church”…

In this day and age, the men in church have a much BIGGER issue than whether or not a woman is showing a little too much. That issue has to do with the fact that ESPECIALLY IN AMERICA (porn capital of the world) Men have TRAINED themselves to think of women “sexually” and hence no amount of “cover” can “cover” the man’s heart and mind.

We see it acceptable as the family unit to go out into the world where everyone is dressed inappropriately but we can’t do it ourselves, but even WORSE, no one balks at the movies, the entertainment, etc in which sex is just repeatedly THROWN at their husbands, (thus TRAINING them to think certain ways) etc… but… leggings…

Please, I BEG YOU.. do not read this whole thing and then try and tell me that it’s the “woman’s job as much as the man’s” etc etc… because I’m pretty sure if you ACTUALLY read this, you’ll see that I’m covering that particular topic with the idea that there IS appropriate dress for people in different situations and that I’M NOT TELLING PEOPLE TO WALK AROUND WITH THEIR UNDERWEAR EXPOSED — massive disclaimer that no one will actually listen to. ALSO before you start throwing things out there like “Don’t eat meat around those who don’t eat meat” and “don’t cause your brother to stumble” etc etc… Those verses really have no bearing on what we’re talking about because the women are often COMPLETELY unaware because of two reasons – the “norm” of the state, country, whatever about what is considered modest and the fact that they are probably NOT doing it to make you stumble, and secondly because again, the issue is in your own CHEST so, again, take it upon YOURSELF, as Job did.

I commented this on a friend on facebook’s status when he posted regarding “the woman who chose not to wear leggings” and I commented it on Matt Walsh’s post on facebook as well…


I get so tired of this whole thing in “American Christianity”…

THE PROBLEM is not with “yoga pants” or “revealing clothing” – it’s with men’s hearts. The MAN is responsible for the MAN’S thoughts.

Do I think that women should walk around naked? No… but, the moment that we start saying, “Oh, it’s what she’s WEARING” the deeper the hole we dig becomes because we can never know what TRULY sets a man off from man to man.

For some men it’s butts, for some it’s cleavage, for some it’s SHOULDERS FOR HEAVEN’S SAKES!

American Christianity has taught men that they are “slaves” to their “eyes” and lustful thoughts and that the way to handle it is to just “look away” (funny, I had this very conversation with a group of young men in the church last night)… If you are always just “lookin away”, then you are not dealing with the real problem. you are only AVOIDING it until something else sets you off, which inevitably it WILL because (again) the problem is not in yoga pants, mini skirts, or YOUR EYES, but in your HEARTS.

Yes, I think there is appropriate dress for work, church, beach, play, etc… but, guess what? That appropriate level is DIFFERENT for EVERYONE, and it’s not going away because our idea of appropriate comes from many different places. How our mother’s dressed, what’s been taught to us, our CULTURE, our home country, or state, how our BODY is shaped for goodness sakes, and even health issues that we have.

You can’t “cover women up” and claim that that gets rid of the problem. Because the problem will ALWAYS be in your chest. There are MANY young men who go to different countries and witness to tribes of half naked women… how do they DO IT?! They change their heart about who and WHAT a person is… a person.

We have to do the same thing in America and men’s issues need to be violently THRUST back into the category of that, “Men’s issues”… not “she was wearing yoga pants so I accidentally decided to think about banging her.”

It creates SO MUCH of a problem… turning women into seducers when they might have just wanted to be comfortable, turning men into animals who can’t control their thoughts so they have to walk with their heads down, etc etc the list just grows and grows.

Here’s the REAL problem… OTHER WOMEN are not going to stop wearing yoga pants in public… so, as a wife, the answer is to start dressing like a nun so my husband will DEFINITELY not be looking at ME, and DEFINITELY be looking at yoga pants wearer over there? Uh… no.

I will dress the way that I want to dress to show off for my husband and life mate and if someone else “Accidentally” thinks about “raping me” or “accidentally thinks” about “what I look like nude” that’s THEIR problem.

I don’t dress that immodestly anyways and what I have learned is that because of my body shape men look at me no matter WHAT I’m wearing.

One of my DEAREST friends can NOT keep his eyes off of me even without the plunging neckline… so, sorry, if he’s going to look regardless (because the problem is in his HEART) then I’m going to wear what I want to wear. Not to spite him, not to say, “yes, please look more” but because there’s no difference for him- he’s the one with the issue, and unfortunately, I’m used to it.

I’ve written this out repeatedly before for men and instantly people think that I’m saying that it’s okay for a woman to walk around with her thong exposed. NOT WHAT I’M SAYING!

I’m saying that the legalism is impossible. “Your chest makes me sin, so cover it up, your thighs make me sin so cover THEM up, your legs make me sin, so cover THOSE up… your ankles make me sin, so cover them up!… here, here’s a burqa… btw, it’s all your fault, you’re just too beautiful not to lust after… *buzzer noise*” No thanks.

Avoiding the issue is never going to get us away from the issue, what it’s going to do is keep us from intimacy in the kingdom of God.

Oh, and before men start claiming (as someone else I said all of this to says) that men have “repeated unwanted thoughts” … wrong. That is NOT an argument nor does it work in the Christian walk.

If you are free in Christ, then you don’t have repeated “unwanted” anything.

You need to man up and realize that actually, yes… you do WANT those thoughts, and that’s why you have them.

Coming from someone who has counseled men in sexual addiction before(yes, I have), I can tell you that men are not born slobbering sex crazed loons, they DO IT TO THEMSELVES… by falling into this culture and societies lies about sex, sexualization of women, etc. I’ve spoken with many men who are NOT sex addicts as well and it turns out that they have guarded their hearts, protected their minds, their eyes, etc… They are not “plagued” by “unwanted persistent thoughts”… meaning that Yo, men… you have done it to yourself, and you need to get help for it.


PS… Notice what Christ had to say about the topic- “If a man LOOKS at a woman to lust after her he’s committed adultery in his heart…”

What that verse does NOT say is, “If a WOMAN flaunts herself in front of you and causes you to think unholy thoughts, then tell her to cover up more.”

Congratulations! YOU’RE SUPER WEIRD!!! :D

If you’ve ever “grown up” (we all have, I hope 😉 ) or spent any time around the young people of this (or perhaps any) generation, you’ve heard them speak of someone in their group or not and state plainly that he or she is “weird…

The big W… word.

The very notion that someone is “weird” at all CAN be a dangerous idea… – as a side note, I’m talking about discerning that someone might be evil, or wish to do you or other people HARM… we’re not talking about people with undesirable or destructive habits such as pathologically lying, or hardcore drug addict… we’re specifically talking about someone who’s personality, dress, code of conduct, presentation of self, etc appears to the audience as “weird”…

Someone who might fall into this category might be someone with a mental disorder such as aspergers, socially awkward or has OCD…


Generally, (I fall into the bad category too, but, generally) when I’ve said that someone is “weird” I have meant that said person has a personality trait that I believe COULD be destructive to themselves or to others. Not that they are unwelcome because their personality is flawed, or their presentation of self is disgusting.

One of the dangers of saying that someone is weird is that it promotes the idea that there is a “normal”…

In reality, I think we’d all agree that God, or evolution or whatever you believe in (I personally credit God) created us to be “different” and as we’ve heard repeatedly through our lives “different is GOOD…”

So, what does a young person who has heard that “different is good” most of his or her life glean from the idea that “different IS good, but apparently, I am so different that I’m weird, and in my case weird is not good and not acceptable?” … ???

Again, I think that we could all agree that we were made to be different. Parties and get togethers would be quite boring if we were all very similar. People wouldn’t have a reason to connect, or speak, we wouldn’t have new things to show one another, we wouldn’t be able to show off hidden talents, or resources, the list goes on. I think we’d get bored pretty quickly.

I’ll offer a question to the masses…

So, Robert is weird…so what?

The danger of perpetuating this thought process is that what tends to happen is an act of exclusion…

So and so is “weird” so, instead of embracing so and so and tending towards understanding them, talking to them, trying to talk about things that they’re interested in, the tendency is to avoid them, thus feeding more into the person’s “weird”… This can also perpetuate gossip and hurt said person’s feelings, creating a vacuum that could destroy the entire universe… Or, you know…

A person who is excluded and isn’t able to socialize on a normal level has less of a chance of EVER being able to be an adult and socialize at all.

The idea of “normal” in any sense of the word is vastly over-rated. We need the wild ones, the goofs, the backward, the quiet ones, the soulful, the passionate, the aggressive and the kind… We need the dancers, the singers, the artists, the mathematicians, the linguists, the English majors, the writers, the know it alls, and those who just like a quiet video game. We need them all, and IT all to expand our horizons and sharpen our minds.

In order to understand how the world works, we need the world… not one aspect of the world.

When God made the rainbow, He didn’t make shades of one color… He made MANY colors with MANY shades.


This is one of the many reasons that I’m against schooling, but we’ll get to that some other time (post is not about that, stay on track, Lisa! XD)…

The point is this… Instead of doing the whole “act of avoidance” thing when it comes to someone who you might PERCIEVE as “quiet” or “abnormal” or “different” or “strange”… why not try including them in some way and attempting to help them? As I said up there ^ Exclusion only creates more issues. It ensures that a person WILL NOT grow into anything that is remotely “normal” at all.

Joke with said person, ask said person questions, don’t force or pull them, but attempt to be inclusive. If you can’t see it one on one, see it with a group, etc…

Don’t limit others by limiting yourself.

I Wish that I could explain…

But I can’t.

Not until much further in the future.

This is what I can say…

Nothing has happened yet and I have cried enough tears to fill a few jars.

Part of me is at peace.

Part of me is destroyed.

Part of me wonders why.

Part of me knows.

And part of me is just hoping that I can put myself back together after the fact and that everyone will help me.

What I know is that time will not heal a wound, but time WILL fill it..

That love will not BLIND me to the wounds, but that love might aid in the healing and fill me once again with joy, and that intimacy and relationship with Christ will be my guiding force when I’m blind and stumbling…

God, continue to guide me down this difficult road, even if I’m hearing/ understanding wrong, guide me.