Good GLOB, let us all quickly lose our pee over something ELSE totally meaningless.

I am in a poo poo mood…

Just poopooey period. (Say that five times fast…)

I love me some marvel and some DC, you see. (It’s going to be one of THOSE kinds of blogs…)

And I’m ashamed and appalled. In fact, better call Saul.

See, here’s the thing the joker…
The joker is a bloke er…
a dude who’s crude and rude and..

Oh, forget this BS… he’s a villain. He’s a horrible, awful, terrible villain.

This guy has been portrayed in many different ways.

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But if we can say one thing about all of them, it’s this, He’s motha huffin’ SCARY

Let’s not even TALK about what he’s BECOME recently-

Striking fear in us right at the core and playing on fears ingrained in all of us- the kind that induce panic attacks, the joker is NOT a pretty fellow. Come ON… where do you think most of your fears of CLOWNS came from?

Regardless… then there’s this… this CRAP…

The fact that after enough boo hooing and hissing from “offended” people (mostly feminists I believe) DC was forced to remove this comic cover…

Batgirl #41 joker variant DC Comics withdrawn, art by Rafael Albuquerque

WHY?!?? … because Barbara looks afraid… *head desk*…

Okay, so let me get this straight… the joker can beat up any MAN and they can be afraid (I know that Batman and Robin have shown fear on a number of occasions because of the Joker) But Barbara CAN’T because the moment that she does, it’s PATRIARCHY?!?!? … ???????

Erm, isn’t the POINT of this character (originally that he was a joke-ster) but that he’s a SADISTIC character that finds people’s torment funny? Don’t you think it would include both male and FEMALE characters?

WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE?!?! (Feminists asked the same thing, I think 😉 )

I wonder if said people have a problem watching ANY of the hundreds of Criminal Minds Episodes in which women are hurt and appear frightened ALL OF THE FREAKING TIME… or you know, how tons of media portrays it when villains are involved.

Seriously, get over it. Art CAN go too far, yes, but this was not an example of it. The image is NOT that bad. It’s hardly “mild torture”.

whatever… #Villainsgunvill
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I swallowed the enormous lump in my throat and checked my own reflection for the fifteenth time in the back of my spoon. Or was it the seventeenth? Honestly? I had lost count.

The little girl behind the counter in the forest green apron has given me exactly three small smiles since I’ve been sitting here checking the clock on the wall over and over again. I’d been here since 8:30 but, the meeting was until 9:15.

I’d already gone through a myriad of intense, ridiculous questions in my head. Would she recognize me? When was the last time that we actually spoke? What were the last words that we said to one another? How long had it actually been? What would her kids look like now? Holy crap! What did I look like now? I checked my reflection again.

Just as I suspected… me… Sixty six, a hundred and 170lbs, gray hair (what was left of it anyways) and those same dark eyes; although a little more crinkled around the edges. Would she recognize me?

I breathed a film of hot air onto the spoon, rubbed it against my napkin, looked at myself again, put a hair back into place and put the spoon down, rolling my eyes at myself.
Looking into my empty white cup with the dark ring around the bottom, I leaned my temple against my knuckles and glanced at the clock. 9:10; she’d be here any minute. Or would she? Was she generally early? Or late? I thought about it for a moment. She was generally on time. That was one of the things that I always loved about Julia. She was on time and always greeted you with a smile.

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She always said “hi” in the most sincere tone as if what she was actually saying is, “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you since last week,” or “last month” or however long it had been since we’d seen one another. She was always there, Bill on her arm, or trailing behind her.

They were a gorgeous, star studded couple; the ones that everyone in the church looked up to or turned to for advice. Not only were they physically beautiful; her with her soft, dark features and slanted eyes, and him with his broad shoulders and wavy blonde hair, but they were beautiful together as well; complimenting one another like the ocean and the shore. He was the ocean, raucous and virile, yet kind and she was the shore, calm, lovely and soft. And when I went to bed at night, on occasion, I had to ask God to forgive me for daring to want a wife like that. Or maybe it was that, really… I just wanted her.

“God will give you the desires of your heart!” Pastor Frank would say.

I would sigh under my breath, “No, He won’t. He can’t.” Then I’d side glance Julia and Bill, “Billy” as we called him, and Julia would look at me and smile.

“You’ll be married,” Julia would say, patting my forearm where I wished that her small hand would stay.

I was. I was married. And that was when I learned that sometimes you can make a decision for someone, and they don’t always make it for you. We were married twenty six years, me and April. Regardless of my attempts at being a good husband, though admittedly I have my faults, I just wasn’t what my wife ended up needing.

April was more “up and go” than I was. She wanted to travel constantly and go out all the time and I wanted to stay home and save money and spend time with Brad; our son. April was independent, strong and vivacious. She was like a hurricane at times. This was originally what attracted me to her. However, as she got older that particular trait didn’t die down or stay at a smooth pace. It became rampant and got out of control. Before I knew it she was out every other night. After about a year of this, I stopped asking, “with who?”
She eventually met a slightly younger, slightly taller, slightly more attractive man named “Adrian”. And even though I had every intention of making our marriage work, our dual counseling sessions with our pastor soon became solo counseling sessions. Then finally counseling following a divorce.

Brad was twenty four and no longer living with us and that was it… I was alone again. For years, I couldn’t even conceive of getting married again. I hated the word marriage with a passion. That was until one day a little over a year ago.

I opened up my laptop to do my normal thing before I started work and among all of my junk emails sat one from a name that looked familiar to me, “Julia Wilder.” My heart thudded in my chest and blood rose. I had never forgotten about Julia but, she and Billy had moved to a different part of the state about fifteen years earlier and I rarely saw them. Occasionally Julia posted a photo or update on facebook but she hadn’t emailed me personally in years. For a moment, I was enthralled, elated, mystified and excited. Then my heart sank, the subject of the email was, “Terrible news.”

Swallowing, I opened it. It read,

I apologize for the massive message to all of you. This was the only way that I could think of to do this right now. To my sadness and despair, today at 2:23PM, Billy went home to be with the Lord,” Tears streamed down my face. After all, even though at one time I had been in love with his wife, I was just as much Billy’s friend as I was hers. He and I had gone out several times together to see a movie or go bowling or just to meet up for coffee. In fact, I think that was the last thing that we did. I’d never done anything to compromise their marriage and at any point if I thought that I would, I backed off. I continued reading. “As many of you may know, Billy has been fighting colon cancer for a little over ten years now, he finally lost that battle. He died peacefully, in his sleep, surrounded by friends, family, and Pastor Dale. Everyone was praying and singing for him. I am deeply saddened at the loss of my long time love and other half. I can not convey the amount of sadness. There will be a memorial service for him on the 14th, everyone on this list will receive a invite. I would love to see you there for support and to honor the memory of a most cherished and wonderful man- Julia.”

I tried to copy her name into a new email and write a message. I got as far as, “Julia, I am so terribly sorry…” and broke down. I drug myself to my bed, which was absent of my wife, and cried for hours.

I thought of Billy and how he loved the ocean and surfing and bonfires and really getting into biblical talks, and I remembered the last time that I saw him.

It was randomly on a Tuesday evening shortly after my divorce. He traveled for work occasionally and sometimes he’d be in the area without Julia. I received a text from him, “Hey, Gip!” (I never fully understood why he called me Gip) “In town til’ Friday. Coffee at the usual place? Let me know when.”

“Sure, man! How about 7PM Thursday?”

“It’s a plan!”

The fact that Billy made time to see me showed me how much he truly cared for me. Besides his parents and his sister, there were a few people that he chose to hang out with when he was in town and I was one of them.

I don’t remember our conversation. I think that I mentioned that I had gotten divorced, and I remember him briefly talking about the early stages of cancer and the fact that they had treated him already and thought that they got it all. The conversation shifted to kids, and weather and sports and mundane things.

Like I said, I don’t remember what we talked about.

What I do remember however was that at about 7:15, he glanced at his watch and shouted, “Crap! We can still make it!” and without another word he paid for both of our drinks, drug me to his car, drove, and parked on the edge of the shore right at the beach. The sun was just setting and the sky turned a brilliant shade of orange. It was unlike anything that I’d ever seen.

“How’s Julia?” I asked watching the colors fade.

“Beautiful, man… just like this,” he gestured at the vision in front of us right before he drank off the last of a mocha.


That was the last time that I saw him; giving me a quick wave out the window of his driver’s seat.

I lay on my bed and cried and cried. I didn’t know what to think. For some reason, the fact that Billy had gotten sick again and was dying had eluded me. Maybe she had written me before; it ended up in my junk mail and accidentally got deleted. Or maybe somehow I overlooked it. It was also possible that she simply forgot to let me know about it considering that I wasn’t like Billy’s best friend or anything, or the fact that she was dealing with a lot.

At this point, I was grateful to be on the list of people in the email and to be invited to the memorial. Which, I was. I received an invitation in the mail not more than a few days later during a time when I wasn’t even thinking about Billy or Julia anymore.

Unfortunately, the memorial conflicted with a random family emergency. I would have gotten in the car and driven the four hours to be there if I could have. I even wrote a speech in case there was an open mic. But, my father called to tell me that my mother had collapsed and was being driven to the local hospital. Interestingly, my mother passed away a few weeks later and my father and I had to take care of everything on our end. During this time, I obviously wasn’t thinking too much about Julia or Billy, or the memorial, or my inability to be there.

I wasn’t thinking about much of any of it until about eleven months later when I was at church alone. Brad was there with his new wife and the said hi, waved, and spoke with me briefly afterwards, but I was still alone for the most part. I often sat with a gentleman who was older than me named Greg. Greg was a widower and he and I got along. As we were listening to the sermon that day, the pastor spoke some very familiar words to me. “God will give you the desires of your heart.”

It was at that moment that everything came flooding back to me and I simply began to cry.

In the early afternoon I drove the four hours to go to the place where I knew that Billy was buried. Without going to see Julia, or anyone else, I sat at his tombstone on the cool grass and spoke to him.

“Hey man, it’s me. I know you’re here. I know that you’re probably up there smiling at how foolish I look right now. I had to come here and tell you something because I realized that for the last thirty years, I’ve been a liar. I haven’t lied to you directly, per se. I just lied by omission in some weird way. Billy… I love Julia. I always have, and I always will. But, I want you to know that no matter how much I wanted there to be a way to be with her, I never ever ever in a million years wanted you to-” I sighed and looked off at an old couple standing over a grave arm in arm. I didn’t know who they were looking at, or why they were there. Perhaps they were looking at the stone of a sister or father, maybe a son or daughter? It made me hurt inside.

I glanced back at Billy’s tombstone. There was a small photograph of his old, tired face. I looked over the writing, “Billy Gerald Wilder, loving Father, loving husband, lover of Christ, our Lord. 1935-2005…”
“I don’t know what you want for Julia… Maybe it’s not me. But, Billy if I see her, I’m going to want to be with her again and all that I’m asking is this. Please, let there be a sign that you are okay with it, and that God is okay with it,” I said. Then I touched the top of his tombstone, “I love you, man. We had lots of good times together and I don’t want to do anything to hurt your family, or you.”

I stood, dusted my knees off and walked away, not expecting a single bolt of lightning that night.

Oddly enough, something did happen that night. I received a message in my inbox from Julia. It startled me. I looked at the time that it was sent and narrowed my eyes over my glasses. It was sent around the same time that I was sitting at Billy’s grave. Swallowing hard, I opened it. Then I was confused. It read, “That’s fine, btw did you get the other bit? I was wondering where Selma figured on going until then. Also, was there a specific thing that you wanted to talk about during the class? Let me know – Julia.”

My heart sank. She’d sent me an email meant for someone else. So naturally, I hit reply and told her so.

Julia, I believe that this was meant for someone else… lol. Sorry about the mix up.

The next morning there was a message in my inbox, “Goodness, Gip, you’re right! I apologize! Incidentally, how are you doing, old friend? Missed you at the memorial. –Julia Wilder.

My heart sank again. “old friend.” I cleared my throat and replied hoping that she’d still be at whatever computer that she was sitting at to see it. “I’m well. I apologize about missing the memorial. I promise you that I had every intention of making it. Believe me. I was even packed. My father called me the night before and it turned out that my mother had collapsed. Unfortunately, we lost her about a week and a half later,” my fingers rested nervously on the keys for a moment, “Julia, I am so sorry about Billy. You know that he was a dear friend. The world is a little less bright without him in it. – Gip.” Why was I signing this Gip?

You replied fast. I like that. The memorial was beautiful. Pastor gave the most gorgeous speech about my husband. He talked for a long time about his love for nature, and children, and the work he did with the church. It was beautiful. I wish you could have been there. I am so sorry about Mary!!! I remember her peanut butter cookies! They were some of the most delicious cookies I’ve ever eaten! I remember the little toys that she made for the kids and the candy that was always spilling out of her pockets! She was a beautiful soul, Gip. I am terribly sorry for your loss.- Julia Wilder.

I coughed and patted my chest, then hit reply. “Thank you, her service was also lovely. There were many people there. Julia, is there any chance you’ll be in my neck of the woods sometime soon? I’d love to meet for coffee and catch up, – Gip.
I hit refresh about five minutes later, “Tell me when and where, – Julia.


My heart instantly sped up and I flew off of my chair, “YES!”

I don’t know what kind of dance I was doing around my den but, I’m sure it looked very white, very nerdy and not quite so spry as I thought that I was in my head. I sat back down trying to contain myself.

How about Saturday?…

I looked at the clock again…

It was 9:15 now; on the dot and my heart was speeding up at a ridiculous rate. I felt like I was in highschool again and someone had just told me that my crush was coming to the party to see me.

The little girl behind the counter smiled at me for the fourth time and I smiled back and got up to take my empty cup back to her.

At 9:20, I began to be concerned that Julia had forgotten. It was a stupid thing to be concerned with. I told myself to calm down and not worry, that five minutes was really no big deal. It could be traffic, or running late, or a slew of other things. I reminded myself that she wasn’t allowed to text and drive at the same time and that she could very easily be on her way.

Once again, I checked myself in the back of the spoon. Should I have shaved? Maybe the facial hair was too much. Maybe she’s not attracted to men with facial hair. That’d be my luck! My entire future ruined over my mustache and beard. I told myself to calm down again. “You can shave if she wants you to,” I whispered aloud.

Someone turned to look at me and I lifted my hand as if to tell them not to worry about it. They went back to their book.

The bells above the door rang and my heart exploded in my chest. I turned to the door. It wasn’t her. I sat back a little and checked my watch. It was 9:26. Now I was getting a bit worried… and hungry! The croissants, cookies, tarts, and muffins had been staring at me from the glass case since I’d walked in.

I waited another two minutes, stood, and keeping one eye on the door; I ordered a blueberry muffin and sat back down. I said a quick prayer and took an enormous bite.

This was the moment that the door opened again, and all of the anxiety, fear and frustration that I had dropped off of me.

There she was; beautiful Julia. She was glancing around the room obviously looking for me, and for a moment, all that I could do was stare at her like a love struck puppy dog. She was in a blue suit with a skirt and black heels. She’d cut her hair and it looked amazing on her. All of her sixty five years shown through her face as if she wasn’t a day over forty. I immediately felt enamored…and intimidated.

I wiped my mouth and stood. This was when our eyes met and the most gentle and adoring smile spread across her thin lips. I knew at that moment that if I approached her, I was going to kiss her. So I held back.

She came to me, “Ryan,” she breathed, and my heart fluttered. I grinned at her and took her against me in a loving hug.

“It’s so good to see you,” I said just before we pulled back.

“You as well. You look wonderful,” she grinned.

“You look amazing. I love your hair.” She touched it and I wanted to do the same. “When did you cut it?” I asked.

“About a month ago. I felt like it was time for a change. I’d had it long for so many years.”

I nodded. I felt so inadequate next to her. Her hair was still mostly black minus a few flecks of silver and her face still looked youthful. She was beautiful… just like Billy had said she was, and I always knew it too.

“Can I get you something?” I asked gesturing to the enormous menu behind me.

“Oh, Ryan! You don’t have to buy me anything!” She laughed touching my arm. Touching was a good sign, right?

“I insist, don’t you argue with me,” I pointed sternly at her. This was something that we’d done for years. Whenever one of us was insistent, we’d point at one another dramatically.

She grabbed my finger and waggled it, “Okay, Gip. I’ll have a tall latte, and a bran muff,” she grinned. I immediately remembered her always calling muffins “muffs” and went to the counter, smiling.

The little girl behind the counter came rushing, wiping her hands on her apron. “What can I get you?” she asked with a small, unnoticeable wink.

“I’ll have a cappuccino, and the lovely lady here,” I gestured at the beauty on my right, “Will have a tall soy latte and a bran muffin,” I smiled down at Julia.

She grinned at me; “You remembered!” she beamed.

“I did,” I replied. Julia wasn’t allergic to milk, or lactose intolerant, either. She simply preferred lattes with soy milk.

The barista rang us up for a whopping twelve dollars and fourteen cents and walked off to get Julia her bran muffin.

Julia and I sat and waited for our drinks to arrive.

“So how is Brad?” she asked.

“He’s good,” I replied taking another bite of my muffin. “He’s been married for about a year and a half now, and they told me that they’re expecting at church Sunday,” I smiled.

“You’re going to be a grandpa!” She beamed.

“It was bound to happen,” I blushed, wiping my mouth. “How about your grandkids?”

“Marci is starting pre-kindergarten in September. She’s so nervous. She loves Frozen and dogs.”

I smiled as our drinks came.

We talked for a little while about her two grandchildren and how Julia had recently moved back into the area to be nearer to family members. Then we talked about how Julia was doing. “I honestly didn’t get out of bed for three whole weeks,” she said wiping a small tear from the corner of her lovely slanted eye, “Then Teresa came over and drug me out,” she shook her head, “It was so hard. She just took me to the mall to walk and every single thing reminded me of Billy. I was constantly sad and depressed for at least another month and always crying.” Instinctively, I reached across the table and took her hand to let her know that I was there. “Billy and I had it rough, but we loved one another,” she explained. I nodded. “I still can’t eat hershey’s kisses,” she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. I remembered clearly how he’d buy her a whole bunch every year for their anniversary and Valentine’s Day. They were some of her favorites and he’d buy them for her in big bags full of different fillings and flavors. “I haven’t been able to eat a single one,” she said catching another tear.

“I have never been able to watch Crocodile Dundee again…” I said under my breath. She narrowed her eyes at me inquisitively. “It was April and I’s first date,” I explained. She nodded and then randomly pulled out a small pad of paper and a pen from her purse and wrote something down. “What are you doing?” I asked.

“This is my “to do” list. I just wrote down, ‘Watch Crocodile Dundee with Ryan and eat a hershey’s kiss during the movie.”

I felt myself float for a moment. She had always been like this. The first day that I met her was on a Sunday morning. She’d stretched her hand out and introduced herself to me, almost thirty years ago now and said, “Hi,” in that way that made you think that she was saying that you were the most important person in the world. We had spoken pleasantries for a few moments before she touched my arm and said, “You’ve never had Wonton soup?!” I honestly hadn’t. Right then and there she whipped out a small pad of paper, wrote something down and showed it to me. I looked it over. It read, ‘Invite Ryan over for wonton soup.’

She did, and I was never more in love with anyone since.

Over an hour passed of more talking before she got back around to Billy. “I meant to tell you, before he went too far downhill he said, ‘tell Gip that I love him,’ and he made me promise that I’d tell you.”

I smiled, feeling my eyes well a little. “You know… I feel stupid now…” I said with a small, throaty chuckle. “I never really understood why he called me Gip.”

Her small eyes widened, “Really?! I thought you knew!”

“No.” I felt my cheeks redden.

“George Gipp, Ryan.” My mind exploded. How could I have never made that connection before? “When you and him used to play football together with the group? You always played whatever position was needed. That’s when he started calling you Gip.”

“You know, you’re right? I can’t believe I never thought of that!” I laughed. She laughed too. “I always just thought it was some sort of weird term of endearment that the two of you settled on… I was clumsy, and maybe I thought it had to do with being a ‘gimp’ or something.” I shrugged, sipping.

She laughed long and hard for a moment and touched my wrist, “Oh nono, Ryan. We had another name for that!”

“Oh yeah? What?” I blushed.
“Want to hear?!” she was trying so hard not to laugh, “We called you Drebin,” she roared.

“What?” I couldn’t figure this one.

“As in Lt. Frank Drebin?” She nearly doubled over.

“Oh my gosh,” I covered my mouth, “I remember that now.”

“Remember? At Billy’s thirty sixth birthday-“

“When I spilled the ice.” It was all coming back to me.

“Yeah, he said ‘nice goin’ there, Drebin.”

“Oh my gosh.” I was covering my face, I was so red.

She smiled and waved a hand dismissively in the air. “All in the past.” I looked down into my empty cup, “I’ve thought about you a lot recently, Ryan.” I looked up into her eyes. “Wondered how you were doing, and where you were.”

“I was always here,” I replied with a small smirk.

“I know. But, I often wished that you were with us.”

I was still waiting for that sign that Billy would be okay with me pursuing Julia and at every small word, my heart leapt and jumped to conclusions. I had to keep telling myself to keep it together.
“I’ve always thought a lot about you,” I blurted. That was probably too far. I regretted saying it immediately but when I looked up at her she was smiling. So, I decided why not push it a little further? “I always thought that you were one of the most beautiful, graceful, fun, and mysterious women that I’d ever met,” I explained. Then I chuckled, “And here I am… clumsy and awkward,” I smirked.

There was an odd silence, almost as if some force was telling me to listen carefully for the next few words.

“I always thought of you as being like the ocean,” she said after a moment. My heart leapt and I looked up into her eyes. “Raucous… yet… kind,” she explained.

I couldn’t feel my hands or toes for at least thirty seconds. “Thank you,” was all that I could muster and I knew at this moment that this was God’s way of letting me know that I could in fact take Julia as my wife.

But, I didn’t jump to any conclusions just then.

We finished our coffee date, made plans to see one another again and hugged goodbye, planning our next meeting. We met for dinner, then a movie, then dinner again, then a quiet walk, then dinner and a quiet walk then dates got longer, and time slowed down and six months went by. Then I leaned in and kissed her and she kissed me back. Then I whispered, “I love you,” and she said the same. Then I bought a ring, and then she said yes.

We were married in the fall and even though we have our busy schedules, we still make time for coffee. –


God, I’m scared…

It’s 12:03 AM on a Friday.
It just turned Friday and I’m waiting to feel like it’s appropriate to go to sleep.
God, I’m scared.
I don’t want this to be, but it is.
Or maybe the problem is…
I want this to be, but I know it’s wrong.
But, I don’t feel like I can stop it.
I’ve tried.
I’ve tried over and over again.
I’ve sunk.
It hurts.
It hurts like I can’t believe.
It hurts at 2AM
and at 6:15…
It hurts at the dinner table
during lunch.
On my long walks to the bakery.
It hurts all over.
I’m physically sick at times.
Promises are just words we say
We’re not coherent when we make them
That’s what I’ve learned anyways.
Why this…?
Why now?
Why can’t things change?
Is it just a moment of insanity?
What does it mean for my future?
And why does it hurt so very much?
I feel like I’m dying a little every other day.

Oh hohohohoho… Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I don’t care if anonymous DIDN’T put this video out, it needed to be said bluntly and well and bluntly and well it WAS said.

Personally? I dislike a LOT of celebrities… but nothing is getting my goat MORE recently that a sad sad few.

Unfortunately, both of them are black 😦 This really isn’t a reflection on the race because honestly? I know amazing black people and quite frankly, I think several of them would outright say that these two prideful jerks don’t speak for them at all.

One of them is Nicki Minaj (who in my opinion isn’t even really that talented and has only risen to the top due to a lot of shock value). She is rude, merciless, hateful, and thinks that all of that equates to “strength”… I can not tell you how many women of color I’ve seen throughout my years who were SO MUCH STRONGER than all of that jazz yet possessed poise, grace, mercy, and kindness even when under stress.


Seriously… stop giving her money. If you NEED to listen to her music, go to youtube.


The other is Kanye freakin’ West.

You might have heard about now that his butt was fired on by a viral video (supposedly anonymous) and let me tell you… it was sweet bliss.

One can ONLY PRAY that Mr. West sees this and takes a good long look in the mirror and considers many of his life choices as of late. There’s nothing that I love MORE than a redemption story.

However, that’s not what I predict (unfortunately)… I predict that West will puff his feathers up in all directions even MORE and write a nasty song about what anonymous did to him and how they’re “jealous” and how Beyonce should win all of the awards… This video will more than likely feature hordes of nude women and lewdness.

Don’t give this man money. If you need to hear his songs, go to youtube.

You can see the video here, however, warning, it’s NSFW… there are brief images of the famous Kardashian photo, and a few brief images of nakedness due to Kanye’s videos, etc. But, listening to it, one can do nothing but CHEER…

IT’s all truth, and let’s hope that Kanye decides that he WANTS Jesus walkin’ with him again.

Can we like… not?

Oh boy…

Here we go…

Guys. I understand the whole Disney “remaking everything” … thing. I really do. I understand it because I know that the REAL problem is that since Walt and Roy are DEAD, they basically haven’t made a good film in nearly twenty years now. Apparently there exists no one left on the planet who has the mind and the desire to do Disney justice (Along with all of the other things that made the magnificent five great… The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King and The Hunchback of Notre Dame). The producers, the music writers, the lyricists, the actors, ALL of these were crucial to the beauty, splendor, and awe that these movies produced in us.

We will probably NEVER see the likes of “The Lion King” or “Aladdin” again…

and if you think movies like Atlantis were on the same level as those, you can kindly get off of my page… then go sit in a corner… and rethink your life choices long and hard because you’ve assuredly made some HORRIFYING ones. –


I get it… you’re out of gas… you’re out of ideas. But THIS is getting out of control…

Is there ANYTHING that Tim Burton, his ex, Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman can leave alone? Seriously… And of all things… DUMBO!?!?!?!?!

I heard that he was going to do Mary Poppins (which was a hoax btw, it is NOT happening. This is fake.)
And if you think that it would have been a good idea…  you can kindly get off of my page… then go sit in a corner… and rethink your life choices long and hard because you’ve assuredly made some HORRIFYING ones. –

There are some things that absolutely DO NOT need to be “remade” and certainly NOT by this group of crazies… Mary Poppins is a “Disney Sacred” IMHO, as are a few of their other movies. They are completely timeless.

Mary Poppins doesn’t NEED a “corpse Bride” overhaul… it’s dark enough, creepy enough, cheery enough, crazy enough, terrifying enough, song-y enough, well enough acted, etc as it is!

When this trio of weirdies LAST remade a movie… We got THIS-

Charlie-and-the-Chocolate-Factory-charlie-and-the-chocolate-factory-31958308-1400-756images (1)hqdefaultimages (2)
(I liked it OKAY… but it lacked SO MUCH of the charm of the original and really just left us with lots of… “well, that happened…” moments )

Don’t get me wrong-
Edward Scissorhands was a masterpiece.
Beetlejuice was fun and interesting
Mars Attacks…also fun and interesting.
The Nightmare Before Christmas DEFINITELY has it’s sticking points.
The Batman movies were amazing in their time.
Big Fish was a fish out of water against this group and was amazing.
Planet of the Apes was VERY interesting (what happened there?)

But, it got old quick.

I had no desire to see “Dark Shadows” OR “The Lone Ranger” or any of that jazz because I got sick of seeing Johhny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter’s faces and (at times) monochromatic acting skills. (And please, don’t try to argue that these people are amazing actors.They ARE in their own rights but, in these Tim Burton movies, Tim tends to direct them in a box that seems severely familiar in each film… Angry and/or crazy and/or all of the above and dull which is meant to convey some vague form of humor if the timing is on cue, etc… often just comes off as nutty/fruity)



I already have some issues with all of the “remakes” that are going on.

As much as I loved Maleficent (far more than I thought that I would) I took issue with SEVERAL of the choices made to fulfil the obvious “feminist” message of this film (like the fact that every single human male character was evil, stupid, useless to the plot, crazy or a slave.)

I have already taken issue with the commercials for Cinderella… IMHO it looks like a WORSE remake of “Ever After” (you know, the movie with Drew Barrymore and Dourgray Scott?) and I have to see Helena Bonham Carter’s weirdness in THIS… (Oh Lord, please let it not be so weird…) and the commercials which show a (quite frankly, not all that pretty ) Cinderella telling the prince that he’s a “bad bad bad man for hunting poor wittle deers…awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.”
The totally outrageous costumes which are not period at all… It’s like Disney can’t decide when they make a live action movie whether it is actually “live action” or “sort of live action but lots of glitter and glam and DISNEY!!!” – IMO it just ends up looking odd…

WHAT CENTURY are these people in?
Who knows… I’ll see it anyways because I had issues with Maleficent but STILL ended up loving it.

Oz the Great and Powerful? … *no comment* *vomits acid blood*

But, of all the issues that I’m having with Disney and their “remakes” … WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY IN GODSHOLYNAMEWHY?!?!? Let Tim Burton touch my beloved DUMBO!?!?!

Did someone glance over the old celebrated cartoon while smoking a peace pipe, see the “Pink Elephants scene” and come out of the tent all, “Hey man… You know what’d be GREAT?! To remake Dumbo as a live action… you know who’d be the best person in the world to do it? The guy who did Beetlejuice, man… that guy… Get him down here...”
What in the name of all that is good and holy?!

I am picturing this as a sort of… Danny Elfman scored, “American Horror Story Freakshow” meets “Water for Elephants” meets “Mirror Mask” meets “Jurrasic Park… THE RIDE…” ………………………………… Admittedly, that could be kind of COOL 😀 😀 😀 But… just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD… get it?

Disney Disney Disney… I weep for your future…

John 11:35

When things go way too far on the internet

and before you know it…

You sense it coming don’t you…

This got out of hand quick…

Social media exploded… We went “entertainment industry”  dress2 dress3 dress4 dress9 dress21
dress19 dress27 dress28

We went political –
  dress10 dress15

We went …”offensive? ”
dress11 dress31 dress35

We got REALLY stupid…


Oh America… we’re like… the only country in the world that doesn’t have to care about ISIS or anything like that because we’re so engulfed in the color of a dress. XD

I weighed in –

MY FRIENDS weighed in-

I think it’s just 2 pictures of 2 different dressesBrandon K.

MY SISTER weighed in-
What color is the dress? Ugly. The dress is ugly. –

ONCE UPON A TIME weighed in –  The only WHITE and GOLD you need to see. ‪#‎OnceUponATime‬ is back Sunday! ‪#‎TheDress‬ – 

Pizza Hut weighed in –

Dunkin Doughnuts weighed in –  Doesn’t matter if it’s blue/black or white/gold, they still taste delicious.‪#‎thedress‬ dress34

Feminists are just shouting  “The dress is patriarchy colored!!!” –

Some random person on tumblr – Our biology teacher said he was gonna give us a colorblindness test today and this kid in the back of the class got really angry and was like “IT BETTER NOT BE THAT ****KING DRESS”

Some OTHER random person on tumblr-  @ Shakira’s hips, what color is the dress? – 

Another –  “I laugh because my school colours are black and blue and our rival school is white and gold” – apparently a Canadian brethren.



We’ll get through this… trust me…
Now that we’ve “seen it all” and know “why the world is ending” –  dress7

PS… I seemed to be the only person in existence that saw “violet” (or light purple) and olive green… 


Crap you probably don’t care about

100 Questions & Answers

My friend Ashley, over at, did this quiz, and I enjoyed it so much I decided to do it too!

1} What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Oh my goodness… This would be difficult. Things like “You WILL be a star someday” and “You will write great stories for people of all ages, etc…” 

2} What’s one thing you’re deeply proud of — but would never put on your résumé? My erotica. But not “deeply”… Deeply implies something…well, deeper. I am proud of my ability to forgive others most of the time and move on. But, I know that I have faults in that area as well.

3} What’s the most out-of-character choice you’ve ever made? Marrying my husband.

4} If a mysterious benefactor wrote you a check for $5,000 and said, “Help me solve a problem — any problem!”, what would you do with him or her? Ask him/her what the problem was first.

5} What’s going to be carved on your (hypothetical) tombstone?  Hypothetically, “Never Again…”

6} What are you FREAKISHLY good at? Writing… ?

7} What’s one dream that you’ve tucked away, for the moment? How come? I don’t know how to say this without giving too much of myself away on here… Because it’s a sinful dream… Hence, it’s wrong and not a dream at all. We’ll just say that I want to do things RIGHT instead of wanting something “wrong”.

8}What are you STARVING for? Affection, understanding, companionship. – going with that

9} If you could have tea with one fictional character, who would it be?  Joel Miller

10} Do you have a morning ritual? Get up, pee, go to the living room, throw cat treats, sit and check email and skype for my husband.

11} Do you believe in magic? When have you felt it? No magic, only miracles. Which at times can be a kind of magic.

12} Is there something that people consistently ask for your advice on? What is it? God and /or relationships.

13} Have you ever fantasized about changing your first name? To what? When I was a kid, they were going to rename me “Jocelyn” – George, Hailey, Veronica, or Monique

14} When was the last time you astonished yourself? When I finish a novel or the last time I took one of those online smarts tests and actually got a high score.

15} What’s your personal anthem or theme song? I could never ever pick one

16} Do you ever yearn for your life before Facebook? Yes actually. The bummer is that EVERYONE is on there and if you don’t have one, you are missing out on a LOT of things.

17} What’s your definition of an ideal house guest? Someone who is basically respectful.

18} If you had an extra $100 to spend on yourself every week, what would you do?  EVERY week? Oi… I’d probably put some in savings because I wouldn’t need a HUNDRED dollars a week. I’d use some of the rest to take people out for coffee/ dinner etc.

19} If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her? Make better decisions regarding your future life. Stick with more things, and don’t allow yourself to sit down on others. REALLY consider what you want in a life partner, and really consider business and book decisions wisely.

21} What are you BORED of? being sick

21} What’s the best birthday cake you’ve ever ate? Not sure…

22} How do you engage with panhandlers on the street? I occasionally give them money.

23} Do you think LOVE is chemical, intellectual, spiritual — or completely undefinable? Love is patient, love is kind, etc

24} Have you ever dreamed about starting a business? (Or if you’ve already got one — a new business?) I have a business.

25} Are you afraid of flying in airplanes? (How come?) I’m afraid of the crashing to your eminent death part.

26} What’s your most urgent priority for the rest of the year? Lose weight, get healthy.

27} If you could master any instrument on earth, what would it be? violin and drums

28} Have you ever been genuinely afraid for your physical safety? Absolutely. Someone robbed us one time and I felt physically insecure for days. Never came into contact with him, but almost did. Got sucked into a rip tide one time.

29} What are you an expert on? Is it because of training, lived experience, or both? Sex, sexuality, and sexual addiction. Also feminism, and anti feminism it’s a bit of all of the above.

30} Has a teacher ever changed your life? How so?  Most of them changed them for the worse. Not better.

31} Are there any household chores you secretly enjoy? Which ones — and why? I don’t mind “dusting” and/ or wiping things off. I have a LOT of glass and wooden surfaces and I enjoy wiping them down every other day or something. ^_^. I don’t mind sweeping and mopping either.

32} How do you reign in self-critical voices? I shut them up as often as possible.

33} If you could custom blend a perfume or cologne, what would it include? Something with baked goods. Cinnamon and vanilla and chai or something.

34} What does FEAR feel like, in your body? falling.

35} Do you think you’re currently operating at 100% capacity? Nope.

36} What do you value most: free time, recognition, or money? Money probably. I would rather take care of myself and others.

37} If you could save one endangered species from extinction, which would you choose? Tigers.

38} Are there any laws or social rules that completely baffle you? Yeah… I don’t understand how a woman can have an abortion without asking the man whether he wants her to abort HIS child or not, and we call her “pro-choice” but a woman can DECIDE to have the baby and FORCE the man to pay for it for 18 years and we call him a “deadbeat” if he doesn’t want to… Let’s call them what they really are. One is a MURDERER and one is a deadbeat.

39} Would you like to write a book? (About what?) I’ve already written several ^_^

40} If you could choose your own life obstacles, would you keep the ones you have? No.

41} Have you ever SCREAMED at someone? (What did they do?) Usually my sister or mother. I feel badly for it. SCREAM has been a while, yelling, it’s rare but happens.

42} Do you think there’s going to be an anti-technology whiplash, in our lifetime? Hmmmm.. nah

43} Where + when do you get your BEST IDEAS? When I try and fall asleep and when I am in the bathroom XD

44} Have you ever met one of your HEROES? Yes and no

45} What’s in your fridge, right this moment? LOTS of stuff including eggs, milk, lettuce, tomatoes, condiments, carrots, onions, tortillas (corn and flour), cheese, hot dogs, carrots, broccoli, orange juice, water.

46} Can you tell when someone is lying? Often. And often people don’t know that I know.

47} Can you tell when someone is telling the TRUTH? wouldn’t that imply that I knew when they were lying.

48} Have you ever pushed your body further than you dreamed possible? meh every so often.

49} Are you living your LIFE PURPOSE — or still searching? Searching, but trying to be more in tune with what GOD wants.

50} Have you ever had to make a public apology? (How come?) I’ve definitely had to apologize to people and for things that I didn’t initially want to. But public? I don’t know…

51} What’s the WORST piece of advice you’ve ever been given? People be stupid right and left, that’s all I’mma say about that…

52} Do you think we’re designed for monogamy? (Why or why not?) Designed for it? Originally, yes. People have done it for thousands upon thousands of years and often have had the most amazing marriages. But, when we fell from grace, this became more tricky (just like everything else).

53} How do you CELEBRATE your victories?  A little dance.

54} Would you consider yourself an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert? Introverted extrovert

55} Do you ever hunt for answers or omens in dreams? Yes. Not the way that this is worded tho.

56} Do you think everyone has the capacity to be a LEADER? Not really. If EVERYONE was a leader, then no one would be first of all, and secondly, some personality types would make it VERY difficult for them to be leaders. The extremely introverted for example or the prideful power trippers. They generally end up as “cult leaders”

57} Is WAR a necessary EVIL? Absolutely. People don’t understand (often LIBERAL people) that there are people on this planet that have NO desire to communicate or to “negotiate” … They are ONLY out to kill you. There is nothing that they want, they simply want to destroy you, convert you, or conquer you. So they need to be destroyed, end story.

58} Are YOU a starter, a finisher, or an implementer? A little of all of the above.

59} Have you ever unplugged from the Internet for more than a week? Maybe once or twice.

60} Do you think we should live like we’re dying? Maybe a little. Not all day every day. I think some of that could just be recklessness. But, honestly why NOT try something new and amazing every week? Or Every month?

61} Do you have any habits or quirks you wish you could ERASE? a few, not worth mentioning here…or maybe I don’t want to >_>

62} What was the most AGONIZING hour of your life? Too many to mention

63} Have you ever dramatically changed a habit, or gotten yourself out of a rut? How’d you do it? I forced myself to stop biting my nails obsessively.

64} Would you rather be a lonely genius, or a sociable idiot? Ugh… I hate questions like this because they pose such a ridiculous dichotomy… if I was sociable but an idiot, no one would like me… if I was a lonely genius, I’d be lonely. 😛

65} How would YOU fix the economy? Lower taxes. When taxes are lowered it’s PROVEN that people spend more.

66} What was your very first job? Shore to Sea Services.

67} What brings you SHEER DELIGHT? Erm… Friday night youth group?

68} Are you highly useful in a CRISIS? I won’t know until it happens. So far it would seem like I might be.

69} Do you like to be SAVED — or do the saving? Why would someone NOT want to be both.

70} What’s one mistake you keep repeating (and repeating)? UGH… that one.

71} If you were heading out on a ROAD TRIP right this minute, what would you pack? My computer / laptop, writing pads, my new bible and journal for bible. Some clothes, shoes, and a few movies and cds?

72} Do you have any irrational fears? yes

73} When you see peers + competitors getting things you want, how do you react? sometimes it bothers me, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m working on that.

74} If you were to die three hours from now, what would you regret most? Not getting closer to God.

75} What’s something you’ve tried, that you’ll never, ever try again? Rye bread.

76} If you could enroll in a PhD program, with your tuition paid in full by a mysterious benefactor, what would you study — and why? Music or acting.

77} Have you ever had a complete + total nervous breakdown? (How did you recuperate? It took a few days. I’m not sure that you could call it “complete and total”

78} Have you ever set two friends up on a date? (How did it go?) No, but I’ve been there to help things along.

79} Have you ever questioned your FAITH — or lack thereof? Yes. It’s difficult to have faith at times, other times it’s amazing and I know exactly why I believe in the one and only true God. When it’s hard is when you’re asking a lot of “why” and when you’re sick, but those things can also strengthen your faith in God.

80} What’s your recipe for recuperating from extreme heartbreak? Lots of time and doing things for yourself. Lots of prayer, and meditation.

81} Have you ever had a psychic reading? Did you believe it? Was it accurate? None of that 😛 It’s bologna.

82} Have you ever (actually) kept a New Year’s Resolution? Never really make them.

83} Have you ever met someone who was genuinely EVIL? We are all evil… but someone who wanted to do harm? yes I think I’ve met a few.

84} Do you believe that everyone deserves redemption + forgiveness? I want to say yes… but, no. I think some people are true evil and I believe that God hates them. (Yes, God hates. Ask google “does God hate”? )

85} What was the BEST KISS of your entire life? A long while ago.

86} Do you secretly miss Polaroid cameras? Not really.

87} Do you have any physical features that you try to cloak or hide? How come? A few moles?

88} What makes YOU so special, anyway? (No, really.) I’m an interesting concept person.

89} What’s in your pocket (or purse, or man-purse) right now? Wallet, keys, change, a few other things?

90} Ever fantasize about being in a rock band? What would your group be called? yes! I have tons of names

91} What’s your guiltiest of guilty pleasures? Currently 85 Degrees (bakery)

92} Who’s on your panel of imaginary mentors? erm… myself? I know that sounds terrible but I talk a LOT of things out with myself. God is NOT imaginary.

93} Have you ever stolen anything? (Money, candy, hearts, time?) I did… A lonnnng time ago. I also realized recently that some of what I was doing at craft stores could be considered stealing, so I stopped. See, once upon a time, someone told me that if I found a few beads on the floor, I could just take them (they just sweep them up anyways and throw them out) in fact, more than one person told me this. So for a long while I would do that. Then I found out that different managers/ cashiers, etc felt DIFFERENTLY about that (didn’t even cross my mind) so I stopped taking them.

94} When was the last time you saw an animal in the wild? Oi…

95} What’s the hardest thing you ever had to write — and why? An essay that was never good enough for that teacher 😛 I walked out of the class and never returned.

96} Who’s the last person that deeply disappointed you? (What happened?) This person that is no longer around.

97} Have you ever won an award? What was it for? A few… funnily enough for athletic stuff when I was younger.

98} How long can you (comfortably) go without checking your emails or texts? How do you feel about that? Several hours

99} What do you deserve + get to receive, no matter what? God’s love.

100} What are you ready to set into motion, today? sleep… lol it’s almost 1AM