Can we like… not?

Oh boy…

Here we go…

Guys. I understand the whole Disney “remaking everything” … thing. I really do. I understand it because I know that the REAL problem is that since Walt and Roy are DEAD, they basically haven’t made a good film in nearly twenty years now. Apparently there exists no one left on the planet who has the mind and the desire to do Disney justice (Along with all of the other things that made the magnificent five great… The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, The Lion King and The Hunchback of Notre Dame). The producers, the music writers, the lyricists, the actors, ALL of these were crucial to the beauty, splendor, and awe that these movies produced in us.

We will probably NEVER see the likes of “The Lion King” or “Aladdin” again…

and if you think movies like Atlantis were on the same level as those, you can kindly get off of my page… then go sit in a corner… and rethink your life choices long and hard because you’ve assuredly made some HORRIFYING ones. –

Atlantis-1

I get it… you’re out of gas… you’re out of ideas. But THIS is getting out of control…

Is there ANYTHING that Tim Burton, his ex, Johnny Depp and Danny Elfman can leave alone? Seriously… And of all things… DUMBO!?!?!?!?!

I heard that he was going to do Mary Poppins (which was a hoax btw, it is NOT happening. This is fake.)
poppins_AprilFools-471x600
And if you think that it would have been a good idea…  you can kindly get off of my page… then go sit in a corner… and rethink your life choices long and hard because you’ve assuredly made some HORRIFYING ones. –

There are some things that absolutely DO NOT need to be “remade” and certainly NOT by this group of crazies… Mary Poppins is a “Disney Sacred” IMHO, as are a few of their other movies. They are completely timeless.

Mary Poppins doesn’t NEED a “corpse Bride” overhaul… it’s dark enough, creepy enough, cheery enough, crazy enough, terrifying enough, song-y enough, well enough acted, etc as it is!

When this trio of weirdies LAST remade a movie… We got THIS-

Charlie-and-the-Chocolate-Factory-charlie-and-the-chocolate-factory-31958308-1400-756images (1)hqdefaultimages (2)
(I liked it OKAY… but it lacked SO MUCH of the charm of the original and really just left us with lots of… “well, that happened…” moments )

Don’t get me wrong-
Edward Scissorhands was a masterpiece.
Beetlejuice was fun and interesting
Mars Attacks…also fun and interesting.
The Nightmare Before Christmas DEFINITELY has it’s sticking points.
The Batman movies were amazing in their time.
Big Fish was a fish out of water against this group and was amazing.
Planet of the Apes was VERY interesting (what happened there?)

But, it got old quick.

I had no desire to see “Dark Shadows” OR “The Lone Ranger” or any of that jazz because I got sick of seeing Johhny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter’s faces and (at times) monochromatic acting skills. (And please, don’t try to argue that these people are amazing actors.They ARE in their own rights but, in these Tim Burton movies, Tim tends to direct them in a box that seems severely familiar in each film… Angry and/or crazy and/or all of the above and dull which is meant to convey some vague form of humor if the timing is on cue, etc… often just comes off as nutty/fruity)

REGARDLESS –

DUMBO?!?!?!?!
FREAKIN’ DUMBO!?!?!?
4xhJ4LH

I already have some issues with all of the “remakes” that are going on.

As much as I loved Maleficent (far more than I thought that I would) I took issue with SEVERAL of the choices made to fulfil the obvious “feminist” message of this film (like the fact that every single human male character was evil, stupid, useless to the plot, crazy or a slave.)

I have already taken issue with the commercials for Cinderella… IMHO it looks like a WORSE remake of “Ever After” (you know, the movie with Drew Barrymore and Dourgray Scott?) and I have to see Helena Bonham Carter’s weirdness in THIS… (Oh Lord, please let it not be so weird…) and the commercials which show a (quite frankly, not all that pretty ) Cinderella telling the prince that he’s a “bad bad bad man for hunting poor wittle deers…awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.”
Cinderella-Disney_2015_Lily-James-top_trailer-cap
The totally outrageous costumes which are not period at all… It’s like Disney can’t decide when they make a live action movie whether it is actually “live action” or “sort of live action but lots of glitter and glam and DISNEY!!!” – IMO it just ends up looking odd…

WHAT CENTURY are these people in?
Cinderella-Disney_2015_Cate-Blanchett-cen_trailer-cap
Who knows… I’ll see it anyways because I had issues with Maleficent but STILL ended up loving it.

Oz the Great and Powerful? … *no comment* *vomits acid blood*

But, of all the issues that I’m having with Disney and their “remakes” … WHY OH WHY OH WHY OH WHY IN GODSHOLYNAMEWHY?!?!? Let Tim Burton touch my beloved DUMBO!?!?!

Did someone glance over the old celebrated cartoon while smoking a peace pipe, see the “Pink Elephants scene” and come out of the tent all, “Hey man… You know what’d be GREAT?! To remake Dumbo as a live action… you know who’d be the best person in the world to do it? The guy who did Beetlejuice, man… that guy… Get him down here...”
Pink_Elephants_on_Parade
What in the name of all that is good and holy?!

I am picturing this as a sort of… Danny Elfman scored, “American Horror Story Freakshow” meets “Water for Elephants” meets “Mirror Mask” meets “Jurrasic Park… THE RIDE…” ………………………………… Admittedly, that could be kind of COOL 😀 😀 😀 But… just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD… get it?

Disney Disney Disney… I weep for your future…

John 11:35

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