The Greatest Moment in Cinematic History

If I really had to narrow it down, it’d be difficult. But I know what it’d be.

I know some people have “issues” with Christian movies and certainly, some Christian movies are just there to make a profit. Sometimes they have very little heft behind them by the way of story line, meaning, and true inspiration.

But I like some of them, and I’m not one of those people who gets nuts if they’re not “100 percent biblically accurate.”

For this reason, I am TERRIBLY grateful to my mother and father for starting me early in life watching an amazing cinematic masterpiece even by today’s standards called “Ben Hur” …

God help me

If you have never seen this before, I suggest that you find a way to watch it especially if you’re the kind of person who gets something out of movies when you watch them and you’re looking for what is (quite possibly) one of the most amazing stories ever created/ told.

Ben Hur (for those of you who don’t know, skip ahead if you know the movie) – is about a Jewish man during the time of Christ. It’s not a true story, but that is (perhaps) why it is so relate able.

The  author assumes what it would have been like to be a person living during the time of Christ and what might have been happening during that period. Judah Ben Hur could have been any of us.

In a stunning twist, the director chose to never (not once) show the face of of the man portraying Christ and instead show the actions and reactions of those around him. Giving us an up close and personal view of how we see Christ NOW. We don’t need to see His face to be affected by Him, we know who He is by His voice and His presence.

The scene (which I think hits the home run for me) takes place about halfway through the film (a bit under). Judah Ben Hur has been captured and falsely accused of severely injuring man, worse, a Roman, even worse, by his BEST CHILDHOOD FRIEND. And as a result, he is sent into slavery.

As if things couldn’t get any worse for him, apparently Messala (the ex friend) has told the guards forcing him and many other men to walk through the dusty, rocky desert (some bleeding and without shoes) to treat Ben as horribly as possible.

When they break for water, the Roman guard refuses to give water to Ben Hur, leaving him broken, beaten and near death… He falls to the ground in agony and torment and cries, “God… help me…”

And then (in what’s perhaps the most amazing moment in cinematic history…) God is there…

God help me1

Watch below –
(Notice even the Roman’s face as he goes to whip Jesus, and then sees Him. He knows that he can’t whip Him, and doesn’t even realize why- it’s absolutely incredible) What’s amazing is the calm… the breath… there’s this moment before Christ appears. Then He’s just … “there”

This scene is equally amazing because of how it comes into play towards the end of the film.

Seriously, if you have NOT seen it, see it.

You MIGHT not like it… but fat people fall in love.

Let me start out by saying I’m NOT a big proprietor of the “fat acceptance” movement.

It’s a bit hard to explain where I stand actually. I BELIEVE in loving your body and loving yourself as you are, but I ALSO believe in wanting to be better and get healthier. I don’t believe that we should say, “Well, I’m fat so that’s that.”

big women

But to anyone who’s ever needed to lose more than (let’s say) 5,10, 15 pounds, you have no idea how EASY you have it when it comes to losing weight. ESPECIALLY if you lose weight easily or even “medium easy” lol.

I’m a BIG girl right now and I don’t “accept it” but I accept me if that makes any sense. Telling myself that I’m a “fat cow that needs to get off of my @$$…” has really never “motivated me” into doing something “about” my issue. All that it’s really done is make me feel depressed (more so than I already feel about the issue). So, I accept myself where I’m at and take ownership that PART of the reason that I’m big is me (big parts of it seem to be medical, genetic, etc… because I can tell you that if you saw what I ate on a regular basis you’d wonder why I was so big)

So now that we’ve got THAT out of the way, I want to talk about something else.

I know it sounds harrrrrrrrrrrrrd to believe, but fat people fall in love.

Fat people fall in love with fat people, and fat people fall in love with skinny people, and fat people fall in love with built people… but perhaps a BETTER way of wording or saying this is that ACTUALLY, those types of people fall in love with FAT PEOPLE…

You might not like it, you might not want it, and you are totally okay with that for yourself. But I will just say right now, don’t look down on someone else for being in love with someone who is “big.”

Shocking, I know. But for some people (regardless of whether they’re also fat, lazy, or a star athlete) don’t care QUITE as much about the looks because they want someone with a good heart, they know that looks will fade anyways, or maybe (the biggest shocker of all) the other person actually LIKES bigger people. I know that sounds crazy, but it is a thing. It’s not a large percentage, but it does occur.

big women2

I bring this up because there seems to be a big stigma in today’s day and age regarding this phenomena. Couples (that we see in media, magazines, etc) are always “thin and beautiful” and I think it becomes “cringy” when we see a fat person with a thin or fit person.

I’m not going to say “who” because I don’t want to call them out, but I was with some a bit ago now who (when we were watching a movie with a big person and they kissed a non-big person) they went, “Ugh!” In a totally disgusted fashion. I sat and wondered why the outburst. I’m big. My husband is skinny, said person sees us kiss… >_>

Look, it might not be your thing (totally understandable) but big people fall in love, get married, have a life that is sometimes active AND healthy despite being big, and are often just fine.

All I’m really trying to say is that big people fall in love.

big women1.jpg
PS… I just realized all the photos were women. APOLOGIESSS!!! This applies to men too! In fact, more so than women it seems.


I write this blog every year. ^_^

This year, this blog is to the groupies of “GUG”

Or, just to my beautiful, currently single friends.

I know that this “day” (Valentine’s Day) can be hard. ESPECIALLY if you’re single.

But I want to encourage everyone to remember that a “LOVE DAY” is about nothing more than that… LOVE.

When I was single, I used to do anything and everything to show love to everyone in my life. My parents, my sister, my friends, everyone got cards and candy and love notes.

I guess my point is this-

I want EVERYONE to stop looking at the big “V” day as for “couples only” and everyone else to stop being bitter about it.

ENJOY being able to share love with MULTIPLE people. (Not that you can’t do that when you’re married too. Because ROMANTIC love isn’t just what love is about.)

Remember most over that –
13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecyand can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

SO! Love is love is love, people…

And I just want you all to know, I LOVE YOU! 😀

So pick your favorite Valentine/ Heart and pretend I gave it to you! And remember, friendship = love, mother’s and father’s = love, brothers and sisters = love, etc.




I’m Tired of Deadpool, so naturally I blog about it

Let’s start this off with two facts.

Fact numero 1, I love Deadpool.

cool story bro

“The character” “The idea” “The player character in Marvel Ultimate Alliance” “The quick talker in Ultimate Spiderman” “Ryan Reynolds BEFORE the end of Wolverine” (Okay… people are dead…)  In fact, if any of you have ever seen me say, “tada” he’s where it started. He loves to say that in Marvel Ultimate Alliance, one of my absolute favorite games). Every time I say this, I hear it in his voice. (Hands up, John Kassir) (He’s also been voiced by one of my FAVORITE voice actors, “Nolan North”… HANDS UP NOLAN NORTH!!!)

The idea of him is pretty awesome, gotta admit. Someone who can’t be killed, heals awesome quick, martial arts, tele-ports (with a device-y thingy), longevity. Yup, Wade Wintson Wilson’s got it all…

Sept where it comes in the looks department-
the face of hell

But that’s neither here nor there at this point.

Fact letter B, (yes, we’re still on facts, keep up)
Hey, we’re being honest, right?

It wasn’t like “people having sex” porn, or even real graphic. Just something that I shouldn’t have been looking at.

This is an issue that I’ve mostly kicked (or had mostly kicked) in my married years and during my walk with God and becoming more serious about Him and what He wants for my life. There’s a reason that it’s become a LOT more difficult in the last two – three years. No, I don’t have an “addiction” (this isn’t something that I do every day, every week, etc) but I do have moments where I fall to it now, and the reasons are long and drawn out and hard to explain. I WILL say that it has a LOT to do with my illness (I’ll link blog here- and while I’m not using that as an excuse for my behavior, it absolutely is related. Pain causes us to see things differently/ think differently, etc. ESPECIALLY (I think) when it’s sexual / preventative pain.

Sure, I should be “stronger,” but ultimately those are all things that God is working out in me and it’s day by day (sometimes minute by minute) you fall, pick yourself up, fall…etc.

This (soft core porn struggle) is a problem that I’ve had off and on since I was probably… fifteen and you know what it started with? (Take a crack at it)


I’m gonna be hhhhonest with you, I believe that one of the reasons for the rise in bi-sexuality and lesbianism in the church is due to R-rated films or films that exploit women.

There’s a slew of information to back this up especially accounts of WOMEN WITH this problem talking about and sharing how this problem began.

But there’s even more to it than that… MEN report much of the same thing. In this day and age, I have found more and more than men’s awakening to their sexuality was due to “film.” Whether it was a raunchy sex scene, nudity, or just a woman slowly revealing that she is in a bra and undies.

I state this second fact and where I stand on it BECAUSE I want everyone to know who’s reading this that A, I don’t hate you or think you’re a horrible, nasty sinny sin sinny sinny sin sinner for liking and/ or watching Deadpool “the movie”…

OBVIOUSLY I’ve got my own problems and thus, can’t look at you and say “YOU HORRIBIBLE TERRIBIBLE PERSON…BIBLE…”

However, what I CAN do is explain how I feel about entertainment, movies, the Christian walk, and how “I’VE” come to where I’m at now. (I know, you’re all DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING to know… *watches a person click off this site…* Deadpool-red-band-trailer-2Okay……… the REST of you are all DYYYYYYING TO KN *POINTS DRAMATICALLY*-SIT BACK DOWN!)

I am not at ALL holding up a sign that says that I am the “Shining Example of What to Watch in CHRISTIAN Entertainment” … Yes, yes, I DO watch The Walking Derps, and Yes, yes… I DID watch “Hannibal” … These are definitely NOT touted as Christian shows and certainly contain violence, gore, and the like. I would never suggest anyone to actually “watch” these shows unless they were into this/that. >_> The other.

But MOST of my movie and television watching has gradually become more and more cleaned up of things like sex, nudity, and gratuity as time has gone on.

I remember being eighteen or nineteen and thinking during a raunchy sex scene… “Why am I watching this? Why is this okay?” Then I of course laughed and said to myself, “SELF… Why is VIOLENCE okay?” Then I sort of churrrckled and said, “Well, it ain’t… but in some cases in stories, violence is warranted or “righteous” … is THIS… THIS on the screen ever warranted?”

And I struggled with that for a long time.

I will note here that it’s been my experience that MANY of the same men in the church crying over women needing to “dreasss moarrrr moudestly…” are the shock same men who are watching movies and TV FILLED with sex and nudity.

Double standard, much?

The bible warns us many times over not to A, look upon women lustfully (or men, it’s directed at both) and B, to be careful what we’re witness to. Those things will start to dictate what’s in our hearts and souls. Those things “come out” when no one is looking and soon when EVERYONE is looking.

I look at watching movies like, “The Avengers” and say, “The fighting / violence going on is often righteous because it’s a situation in which they are often fighting to protect/ help.”

It’s often similar (not the same, I know) in TWD. The people are (often) either fighting to protect others from the undead, OR to protect others from OTHER horrible people. There’s a sense of righteousness… and something else that God laid on my heart? It’s… acting…

Nudity and sex however… well… it’s not “acting” … You can’t “act” naked, if you’re naked, you’re naked and Hollywood uses this device to tempt and taunt and sell sex. They don’t OFTEN use it for reasons that they should (natives, tribes, prisoners, slaves, etc) Sex? It’s “just acting” …. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, hate to break it to you, but not really. (I’d like to preface this by saying that I have been in Hollywood a little and know plenty of people who are/ were and can confirm these things) – actors and actresses OFTEN sleep with one another (not always, some have morals) but when you’re filming a sex scene for six days where you’re both nude and pressed up against one another (sorry to be graphic) WHAT DO YOU THINK is going to happen?

I read an article one time (wish I could find it) that an ACTOR wrote about how during love scenes he had a VERY difficult uh… time (won’t get any more graphic than that, you can use your imagination).

Because it’s NOT acting when you put two naked people against one another for several days and ask them to “pretend to do sexual things”… that’s not how the human body/ brain or anything works, really 😛 (unless your co-star is 100% flaming gay)

Hollywood itself is STEEPED in sexual sin. I know someone who can TELL you that as a woman she was asked by almost EVERY SINGLE manager and some directors to either A, take her clothes off, or B, sleep with them (or do sexual favors). And often, these women in Hollywood are told that they won’t “get anywhere unless they do” … sad… exploitative. I would know.

Now, I’m not suggesting that there isn’t a chance that God doesn’t want me watching The Walking Dead…


I’ve actually struggled with the idea of “stopping” watching TWD… and I can guarantee you that if they choose to cross a few set lines in my head, I won’t hesitate to terminate my “relationship” with the zombie show. I almost terminated it during Terminus. BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What it IS to say is that often, I’ve found with movies and film the REASON that I’m okay watching certain things is finding the redemptive part in it.

As a person and as a CHRISTIAN, what I long for is restoration/ healing, forgiveness, affection/ brotherly love…
EX. one of the reasons that I love The Count of Monte’ Cristo (with James Caveziel) is because at the end, he realizes that revenge is NOT the answer, even though the bad guys deserved it and TO BE FAIR, he justly dealt with them all (in the movie)- eye for eye like.

He is restored at the end, no longer a “cloaked figure” trying to hurt people. Now a man with purpose, family, and love again.

If things are often just “glorifying raunchiness, adultery, sexual immorality, violence, etc…” I have a VERY hard time just “watching” that and feeling that Christ is okay with it.

Who knows, maybe I’m wrong… but I can tell you that God has spoken to me NUMEROUS times in movies and film ESPECIALLY where there was a sense or heroism, restoration, sacrifice, etc.

I wouldn’t say that it brings me “closer to God” – I’d say that it helped me at times understand myself and our Lord better.

I want to briefly address also, how I feel (as a society) we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking that Deadpool must push ALLLLLLL boundaries because that’s “just who he is” … let me tell ya, son. I sat down and pawed through a ton of Deadpool comics, I have watched multiple things with Deadpool in them, and I play as deadpool in one of my favorite video games… I BELIEVE that the writers/ producers could have VERY EASILY made this PG-13… and maybe quite a bit more funny/ creative/ suggestive. In fact, there’s a large part of me (being a writer) that wants to see the darn movie, get the script and re-write it to prove everyone that it could have in fact been done. In almost ALL instances where we’ve seen this character he’s been PG-13 / (sometimes even PG) and no one has complained. In fact, everyone LOVES DEADPOOL!
deadpool valentne

Things COULD have been pushed further, but the idea that things needed to be pushed as FAR as they were? ………………………… questionable.

I am writing this blooooog not to say “HEY YOU! YES YOU SINNER SINNY SIN SINNN SINNER… DON’T GO SEE DEADPOOL!”

I’m actually writing it plant some ideas and ask a few questions about our entertainment.

We as people and as Christians should always find ways to see God in entertainment and if we can’t, then that entertainment might not be worth it to us. Remember, PAUL stated that he can do ALL things, but not ALL things are beneficial to him… in fact, some things are the OPPOSITE of beneficial. They hurt us in the long run. And I just wonder at times how many of us (myself included) watch something and then years down the road don’t realize that HEY… I wonder where this train of thought, or THIS allowance, or THIS such and such started… …………………………………….. if I was honest with myself…? Maybe it started with Deadpool… 😦
(Or GOT, or SOA, or Hannibal, or TWD, or OITNB, or………………………)

– Did you make it through this boring piece without shoving a fork in your eye? Good for you! You get a chimichanga.

Now go see Deadpool and don’t come complaining to me that I’m uptight and holier than thou. 😛

God takes forgiveness pretty seriously. You should too

Matthew 6:15 –

I’m going to be blunt…

I hate it when people (ESPECIALLY Christians) won’t admit to the fact that the problem is “them”…

When a person has deliberately decided that someone else is the problem and hence they hold no forgiveness for that person in their their hearts and act as if they can never be made whole again, it really frazzles me.

Time and time again I watch in the church (funnily enough, mostly with WOMEN but a few times with men) who get their feathers bent out of shape because of this or that or the other and decide that now they have a problem with someone else.

However, when the problem is addressed, commented on, apologized for, or stated to be misunderstood, the same old things always seem to follow … in fact, it’s hilarious how predictable those things are-

Un-forgiveness, mistrust, contempt, jealousy, rumor spreading, gossip, the list just goes on and on.

unforgiveness (1)

I have lost several friends in the last 6-10 years, ALL of them women, ALL of them to issues that could have easily been resolved if said woman would have just accepted my SINCERE apology and realized that THEY were the problem.

Now, let me be clear-

When I say that THEY are the problem, what I am talking about was/is after the fact. Meaning that regardless of whether I initially caused an issue (most of the time it was over a misunderstanding, which makes it even more silly) they have refused to accept my apology, have a relationship with me, communicate, etc… This makes them the problem whether they like it or not.

Jesus repeatedly spoke in the bible about forgiveness and ESPECIALLY amongst his elect and His church. The “emotional feelys” that women don’t seem to be able to work out with their brothers and sisters seems to be one of the many reasons that women are not supposed to preach in churches as it seems that women have a much bigger issue with this than men.

The bible says that you are NOT supposed to have an issue with your brother or sister in Christ. This doesn’t mean that you might not always be working things out. This doesn’t mean that the other person won’t do things that rub you the wrong way, or that they might not do something that makes you mad. It means, don’t hold it against them. Let things go. ESPECIALLY IF THEY CAME TO YOU AND APOLOGIZED!

If you can’t do this, then what in the world are you calling yourself a Christian for? We are supposed to forgive our brother (sister) seventy times seven.

Even if your brother/sister was COMPLETELY in the wrong (and in my experience, that’s actually NOT the case. Usually there is either a great misunderstanding, the person who is upset is making it a FAR bigger issue in their mind than it actually is ((by ascribing motives and issues to the person that they are not forgiving)) that are not correct thus blowing it MASSIVELY out of proportion, or the other person might have actually done something very wrong and now they are very sorry about it).

The worst part is that usually the person who is holding someone in un-forgiveness will justify themselves in that. Immediately taking to social media and saying things like, “When God closes a door…” bla bla bla… No sweetheart… God didn’t close that door. You did. In fact, you SLAMMED it… in the face of your brother/sister and here I refer you to Matthew 6:15. Then you see posts like, “God knows what happened, I will stand firm”… and everyone on Twitter and Instagram likes it/ making the person feel justified (without knowing the full story). No sweetheart, again, God ain’t mad at your brother, He’s mad at you. 

Matthew 5:23-24 says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

Sounds to me like God takes forgiveness pretty seriously… “Leave your gift at the altar and go and reconcile” – “Your father WILL NOT FORGIVE YOUR SINS…” Hmmmm.

I would like to finish this post by saying that ultimately, here’s the real issue-

You are not causing someone else problems, you are causing problems for YOU… For yourself. God is not going to grant you favor through un-forgiveness. It says so in His book.


–I’m not trying to “Throw shade” or be “salty” I’m actually ONLY referring to people who have had personal problems with me in the PAST… so if you feel convicted or angry, then maybe you should be asking yourself why.

Think about it…

This is a marriage (our marriage to Christ) and it only works if we are committed to making it work. ALL OF US