You need to shut up on Facebook

Yeah, total click bait.

But related, I assure you.

I just want to point out something that I am learning more and more in regards to FB and social media in general.

social media

Now, this doesn’t apply to like groups, or open forums where it’s expected however, imagine this scenario:

You’re at a party and at this party, you know like three people. Let’s say that you are having a conversation with your friend about something you believe in. Let’s make it religion. Whether you’re Catholic, Christian, Hindu, whatever… And you’re having a bit of a back and forth, but it’s cool because you’re friends.

THEN someone comes into the conversation that your friend knows… from high school… and is like, “Yeah, that Jesus guy was a jerk… I mean, He’s not even God or anything. He was just a zombie Christ…”

Just… really ruins everything, doesn’t it?

Now look, I’m not saying that if you post something, you’re not in a way ASKING for someone to come along and say something, but I am learning more and more in regards to myself how RUDE it is to comment in a thread or on someone else’s that I DO NOT KNOW’S comment.

We don’t do that in real life, so why do we feel it necessary to do it on social media? All it does is fuel a debate that, in the end, doesn’t really change the other person’s mind and takes away from our life in general …

Here’s an example of what I’m talking about-

*JJR posts an article on politics with his own commentary.*
BB: *makes a comment that debates the article*
JJR: *replies back*
BB: *Replies back with facts, etc…*
—— ANA jumps into the conversation with scathing reply about truth and facts and rambles for half an hour. ANA doesn’t KNOW BB, she/he just feels the need to set BB straight… What ensues is a three hour conversation in which no one changes their mind.—

OFTEN in the past, I have been ANA…

Now again, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t comment on a friend’s article and have a friend debate or whatever, but we don’t really need to start engaging all of JJR’s friends to “school them” through facebook. It just really doesn’t go anywhere and let’s face it, we don’t like it when it happens to US… We don’t like to be “ANA’d” – it takes away from our conversation with JJR and if you’re anything like me, every time you see that little notification at the top, you have a miniature anxiety attack. What has ANA said NOW? What will I have to PROVE? How can I REFUTE everything that they’re saying? What if I CAN’TTTT???

I’ve found a few tools that have really helped me.

1. ABSOLUTELY making a decision not to engage any further. If a person replies… don’t respond. In fact, don’t even read the comment. FIRST, let the person know that you will not be READING their comment back in your final reply. Then DON’T. Do not be tempted into it. The moment you read the comment, you’ll HAVE to reply. You know you will. It’s in our nature.

2. Find the “unfollow” button or “turn off notifications for this post” and then leave it alone.

3. If you have to say something, try and be kind, or at least give the benefit of the doubt/ be skeptical. I suggest this when dealing with anyone online that you don’t know. You don’t know why they believe what they believe and what they’re going through. They really don’t need your pride or arrogance on the computer screen.

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Dear Men, yes… you

Dear you,

Sit down, pour a glass of coffee, juice, or whatever your preferred drink is. We’ll be here a minute.

dear mendear men21

If no one ever told you, I think you need to know.

I love you. All of you. I don’t harbor illness or resentment towards you because of what a “few” of you might have done the same way that I try not to harbor illness or resentment towards women because of what a few of “them” might have done.

I want to openly state a few things –

dear men17dear men 22

I admire you. You are a  wonderful, important gender. In fact, your importance is paramount. 

Maybe you don’t realize it, but your God given role is help guide, and teach. You will one day be the head of your household, and the husband of your wife, and the father of your children. This is absolutely 100percent important because it’s an encouragement to you.

Be strong in the word, and in the Lord. Be strong in care, in discipline, and teaching. And be strong for your wife. She needs you. She needs you to be sturdy, supportive and in awe of her all of the time.

You are so, so, so important. You are the keystone, you are the foundation. So whatever is making you feel rocky right now, whatever you suffer emotionally, physically, or mentally, get a hold on it, and be the warrior of your life.

dear men18dear men21
You are a strong, strong breed. 

Unlike women, you learn from a very young age that your emotions and feelings are next to nothing. That you should “Stop crying” and “take it like a man” … I apologize for this. For every time a woman has laughed or looked at you for having feelings.

You’re human and you can have all of the feelings and emotions that you need to have. YOU CAN BREAK DOWN… I will still believe in you.

You go to work for hours on end often without complaint to feed, supply for, and provide for yourself and (if now, or when the time comes) a family as well. I want to thank you for your dedication to this system. Without it, the family unit crumbles (And no, I don’t mean to say that men can’t be ‘house husbands’ or that women CAN NOT work).

You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to “go for a run”, you are allowed to hit a punching bag until your knuckles are bleeding and you’re blue in the face if you need to express yourself.

You CAN do it.
I apologize for any time a woman OR a man whether your mother or father, sister or brother, or anyone else in your life made you feel like you were not able to, not manly enough, or just incapable.

You ARE capable, you ARE manly enough, and you ARE able.

Don’t let some big shot, parental figure, or feminist tell you who you are. You are you, and you can and should go for your dreams.

dear men1

You can and should PAINT, WRITE POETRY, SEW, COOK…
OR
WIELD A SWORD, PLAY SOCCER, BOX, SHOOT HOOPS
OR
PLAY THE VIOLIN, SURF… etc

You do what YOU do. Don’t let anyone tell you that that’s not appropriate, or not “manly”. You can, and you are able.

Dear men2

You are NOT just a money maker, eating machine, video game player.
While on your surface that might be what we see ^_^, underneath you are a complex, wonderful person JUST like women (Although women are definitely a bit harder to understand.)

dear men4

You are NOT the scapegoat. 
I apologize over and over and over and a hundred times over for every time this stupid freaking society has made “everything” seem like men’s faults.

Yes, men are to blame for a lot. But women are to blame for a lot too. People in general are just to “blame” and I hate it that I live in a world where it’s “men’s faults” and we call men “dicks” but the word “cunt” is sexist, misogynistic, etc… I know that was graphic, I apologize, I’m making a point.

We blame men and put their genitals and manhood down all the time, but can’t even touch that area in women… double standards galore.

dear men16

You DESERVE – 
Love. Yes, yes you do. Despite all of your mistakes, failures, illnesses, insecurities, and self loathing, YOU DESERVE LOVE. You deserve it, you deserve it, you deserve it. Christ thinks so, I am not one to argue with him.

Sex. Yes, yes you do. You deserve sex. You deserve a woman’s touch, caress and JOY (yes JOY) to please you. Sex is not something that is a “prize” at the end of the day for being “good” … you’re not a “dog” … you are a sexual being who deserves love, and sex.

You do NOT deserve to be in a relationship in which your wife doesn’t do a thing for you, doesn’t cook you a meal, clean your house, or talks about how a “real man would…” no, shut up Jezzabel. YOU ARE a real man! You deserve servitude because you ARE a servant unto her. You do not deserve a woman who uses sex as a bartering tool every time (there are always exceptions to this, if it’s a game, if she’s sick, etc). Sex is passion, desire and intimacy, and you deserve to give, and take. That’s what sex is. You do not deserve a woman who doesn’t work, doesn’t do anything, gripes at you about everything, and starts in about the patriarchy all the time. YOU DESERVE BETTER. YOU ARE BETTER.

Dear men 14

It doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, short, tall, fat, skinny, nerdy, geeky, autistic, balding, clean shaven, big bearded, blue eyed, black eyed, brown eyed, green eyed, IT DOES NOT MATTER.

You deserve love, sex, companionship, and friendship.

dear men6

You DESERVE PEACE… 

Don’t let anyone tell you what a “real man” is… a real man is you. YOU ARE A MAN. (to be fair to this statement though, don’t be a deadbeat/ take it for granted lol)

You deserve to be praised. That’s right, praised. OH NO! That must mean that women do NOT deserve to be praised! No, I did not say that. What I said was that MEN deserve to be praised. Because you really do. You work, you play, you sacrifice your time, feelings, personal space, and life for others.

YOU DESERVE to play video games. 
Yes, you do. DO NOT be pushy with this one as it will take away from your family and friends, but you should absolutely get your kicks a few times a week, or for a few minutes a day slaying dragons, beating up the bad guy, BEING the bad guy, or stopping terrorist attacks. I know, it makes you feel good. You NEED to accomplish and slay as a man, and I don’t hold that against you at all. ^_^ (I’ll play too). Don’t abuse this, but you absolutely deserve it.

dear men7dear men10

You DESERVE peace.

dear men 15

To walk on the beach alone once in a while. To have a “man cave” where you watch movies in a dark room and drink a beer. To have a side room full of your artistic endeavors. To turn your garage into a tool space and drill holes into things.

You deserve to sit and take a breather and NOT be being asked to do something.

dear men 19

My heart has always been for men. I’ve always had a rather soft spot for them, this is what led me away from feminism. Recognizing that men are not only swept under the rug often, but they’re not taken seriously, not truly explored, or truly appreciated for just being MEN…

dear men20

I don’t hold it against you that you’re the stronger gender. I don’t hold it against you that you’re visual and think women are “hot.” I don’t hold it against you that you’re aggressive at times. I don’t hold it against you that you need to “prove” yourself. (although jus’ sayin’ in a perfect world, you wouldn’t need to) I don’t hold it against you that sometimes you need to ride on top of moving vehicles. I don’t hold it against you that sometimes your famous last words are “I can do that! Hold my beer!” … You’re just you… We’re different, you’re different, you’re interesting, unique’, and wonderful. YOU ARE WONDERFUL.

It was brought to my attention early on in life that we are doing SOMETHING wrong… Men are the highest on the suicide rate, (YOUNG men 😥 ) Men die earlier than women (I think proving that men take care of women and not themselves as well), men are often screwed in divorce cases (with women, their children, etc).

dear men13

Dear men, 
You are not stupid. TV,  literature, and entertainment often portrays men as the more “stupid” of the two genders. Just because you don’t understand everything that a woman does does NOT make you stupid. You’re just different, and often you rely on a woman for “house things.”

You’re actually smart. In fact, book wise, most of you are MUCH smarter than the average woman ever will be and I applaud you. Seriously. It means AMAZING things that you are able to be so intelligent and book smart. Women are often relationship smart, that’s why we need each other. ^_^

dear men 13

Dear men,
Whatever stage you are at in your life, there is ALWAYS more. You’re not too old, you’re not too young, you’re not too skinny, you’re not too fat, you’re not too autistic, your tourettes is not big enough to stop you from your next moment. Your next dream, your next failure (to learn from) your next step. You’re not too anything. Even if you’re on your deathbed, life is still in you, and you can say what you need to say and start anew. You can make it right, you can turn around, you can put the soda down and drink water, you can tell your wife/ girlfriend/ sister/ mom/ aunt/ grandma/ daughter that you love her and are sorry. You can ask Jesus to guide you more/further/farther/better. It is NOT too late. It never will be until your very last breath.

Dear men,
You’re mysterious, and I love that about you. I love learning what you have to say and listening to your opinion because it is VALID… and you always surprise me with everything that you’re capable of.

dear men12

DEAR MEN…
I’m sorry, you deserve FAR FAR FAR more credit.

dear men8

Dear men, 
I love you all and I’m PROUD of you. 

dear men 16

Lena Dunham is a child molester

And everyone needs to stop “praising” her.

She’s not “progressive” – nor is she for “equal rights”

lena

She’s someone who was given a “platform” and has used it and abused it in every way possible to berate and run her mouth about everyone that she disagrees with. And what’s more? She hasn’t even been good about doing it. She doesn’t disagree kindly, or in a way that moves anything along. She simply states things like, “I would punch every pro-lifer in the face” etc… Which is neither useful, progressive, or interesting. In fact, it isn’t even an argument or debate. It’s just rude, and shows you the context of who she really is.

She is a disgusting human being and frankly, I wish that other people would understand this and stop praising her for something that any other woman could have decided to do (go nude in her self made show, etc)

In her newly published collection of personal essays, Lena Dunham describes experimenting sexually with her younger sister Grace, whom she says she attempted to persuade to kiss her using “anything a sexual predator might do.” In one particularly unsettling passage, Dunham experimented with her six-year younger sister’s vagina. “This was within the spectrum of things I did,” she writes.

In the collection of nonfiction personal accounts, Dunham describes using her little sister at times essentially as a sexual outlet, bribing her to kiss her for prolonged periods and even masturbating while she is in the bed beside her. But perhaps the most disturbing is an account she proudly gives of an episode that occurred when she was seven and her sister was one. Here’s the full passage (p. 158-9):

“Do we all have uteruses?” I asked my mother when I was seven.

“Yes,” she told me. “We’re born with them, and with all our eggs, but they start out very small. And they aren’t ready to make babies until we’re older.” I look at my sister, now a slim, tough one-year-old, and at her tiny belly. I imagined her eggs inside her, like the sack of spider eggs in Charlotte’s Web, and her uterus, the size of a thimble.

“Does her vagina look like mine?”

“I guess so,” my mother said. “Just smaller.”

One day, as I sat in our driveway in Long Island playing with blocks and buckets, my curiosity got the best of me. Grace was sitting up, babbling and smiling, and I leaned down between her legs and carefully spread open her vagina. She didn’t resist and when I saw what was inside I shrieked.

My mother came running. “Mama, Mama! Grace has something in there!”

My mother didn’t bother asking why I had opened Grace’s vagina. This was within the spectrum of things I did. She just got on her knees and looked for herself. It quickly became apparent that Grace had stuffed six or seven pebbles in there. My mother removed them patiently while Grace cackled, thrilled that her prank had been a success.

 

(no, it’s actually truth from your own disgusting mouth)

Interestingly enough, Dunham’s sister grew up to be “queer” … take that as you will.

She has come against “men”for doing things that have not even been 100 percent proven yet, and THERE IT IS “she pursued her own sister like a sexual predator”

My point is that this is only the tip of the ice berg on this disgusting human being’s list of things that she’s done that are despicable.

I don’t care if her cyst exploded… Tell her to get off the stage –

FINDING THE ONE :D :D :D *hearts*

I don’t actually know how. LOL… I’m not an expert in relationship thinggssss

But I am a bit older than most of my friends, I’m married, and I have a bit of experience these arenas and I can tell you a few things about what I see today.

People believe a lot of stuff about love, romance and marriage that is just not true.

I’ve written about this before but sometimes it just needs to be repeated.

#1
If you want to find a spouse, you need to stop putting so much emphasis on “THE ONE” …

Your spouse isn’t Neo… or Jet Li. He/she is nobody, really. Or anybody.

For years now, the church has made the mistake of letting people put a LOT of emphasis on the idea of “the one” when it comes to a spouse. The idea that there’s some mystical person that God has set aside specifically FOR you… ooooohhhhh… There’s actually very little truth to this. In the bible, this happened very rarely and when it did happen, it was because major events in the world were about to unfold (like… the birth of Christ) and even in the situation of Christ, God simply CONFIRMED that they should be together. The bible doesn’t really indicate that He said, “Hey, see that girl over there? Marry Mary! Buah! Marry Mary…hehehe.” – First Joseph asked and then an angel appeared to them both.

The idea that there is a “one” is more an idea of “destiny” / “fate” which is far more mystical than Christian.

Now I’m not saying that you can’t feel that God is leading you to wait, or something, but I can tell you that a lot of people who have just decided to “wait” are usually the ones who are “scared” and end up waiting most of their living lives.

The one
(Pay attention… he wasn’t “THEE one”)

#2
Don’t for one moment believe that it’s not YOUR job to get prepared/ ready for a spouse before they show up.

I have seen far too many young people who want to get out of high school and find “the one.”

I’ve seen many more sit around and ask why God is not sending them “the one” when they are literally doing nothing productive with their lives at all.

I understand that in this day and age it’s difficult. I have a pretty major beef actually with the fact that the way society is set up, people can’t even CONSIDER getting married until around 25-30. I understand that this is frustrating. But USE THE TIME to become more appealing and ready for your future spouse and who knows, you might even meet them along the way.

Get a college education (no… don’t do that. Don’t listen to me, please) or get a job at least. Sure, start at McDonald’s if you have to, but always try to be moving up. Become a Shift Lead if you can’t find another job that’s better and then try for the Assistant Manager, etc. Who cares if that’s your job, if you make money, it’s a good one. (And trust me men, women are more concerned with the fact that men HAVE a “decent” job than they are that it’s at a restaurant or a Starbucks).

If you’re a guy? Get your life more together. Press into God more. Learn as many skills as you can with tools, weapons (why not?) Cooking some simple meals for yourself and (let’s be honest here,) Stop your porn addiction. I know how hard it is in this day and age with it being so accessible, trust me. But seriously, GET HELP for that. Because one of the biggest lies that the enemy wants to tell all single men is that “they’re doing it because they don’t have anyone and when they do it will stop.” There is not a SHRED of evidence that this stops after marriage, in fact in many cases it became worse and eventually led to other things (look at Josh Duggar, but he’s literally only one example) Every person that I have ever met who told themselves this lie is worse off now than they were when they got married. It’s a lie and it needs to be taken care of. Because the addiction is not about “your lack of partner” it’s about you liking porn.

If you’re  a girl. Do some similar things. Learn how to cook (big one, trust me ladies) Even if it’s some simple meals or things that you don’t need to do a lot of work for. I have some amazingly simple recipes that I can share some time consuming, some not that will keep your future husband at least a bit happy. Practice keeping your house clean, practice being kind to others. Babysit, etc. All things in preparation for being a wife/ mom. ALSO get a job, ALSO pursue dreams, etc.

DO NOT BE the person who sits around and plays video games 24/7 or even for four hours a day and expect that God is going to send you a wife/ husband.

#3. 
DATE.

FREAKING DATE. DATE A LOT. DATE OFTEN. DATE ALL OF THE FREAKING TIME.

WHY IS THIS A PROBLEM!?

I never understand this generation of people who think that there’s some kind of “shame” in dating. DO you “Kiss Dating Goodbye?” Well, DON’T! Maybe do it in the sense that you don’t serially “have relationships” but don’t stop DATING!

Here’s the thing. Dating is a GOOD thing. It helps you to understand who/ what you want in a person.

And the way you do it is this- You approach it as if you are going to “get to know someone”. You go out, have coffee, go to a movie, then you go with someone else. Then you go with someone else. You have close friends who may or may NOT eventually become relationships. DO NOT RUSH THINGS. Just date. Heck, date fifty times a month if you have to! No Kissing, no holding hands, no immediate talk of your future together, no acting like this is “A RELATIONSHIP IN THE MAKING” … just a date.

But seriously, don’t be afraid of it unless you know of a reason why you can’t do it. (I understand those and they are valid- you don’t have self control, etc). But if you can maintain a clear thought in your head about it “JUST GETTING TO KNOW RACHEL/ TAYLOR” then DO IT! Have fun and learn learn learn.

#4. 
Don’t be Afraid.

Those things that the devil tells you, “what if it doesn’t work out?” “What if he’s/she’s a weirdo?” “I don’t like THAT thing that they do!” … it’s a bunch of bullcrap. No one is going to be perfect and every last person is at risk for ANY NUMBER of things. You are literally never safe. You heard me. You ARE NOT SAFE.

Love is a risk, so is marriage, so is life, so is family, etc. The ONLY thing you can do is you.

Which leads me to

fear
#5.

Stop believing that things will be “good” when you find that person.

I hate to say it, but we put too much emphasis on “love” in this day and age. I’m not talking about TRUE love. I’m talking about the kind of love that you know about… the one from the movies… the one from Game of Thrones. The one from every Chick Flick on the planet. That kind of love that’s really… well, let’s call it what it is … lust. Or emotions. Or fleeting feelings of attraction and infatuation.

All of which are symptoms of / part of love (or can be). But they are not REAL love. REAL love is HARD WORK and I’m sorry if no one ever told you that, but it’s the truth. Real love not only takes time, and your best behavior, but it WILL NOT grow unless you nurture it, feed it, strengthen it, and WORK WORK WORK for it.

You can not marry someone and expect love to just “happen” or “stick around”…

REAL love is sleeping next to a man (or woman hehehehe) who snores and keeps you up all night. Real love is cleaning up their vomit when they’re sick as a dog and their head is in the toilet. Real love is being with them when they get fat and agreeing with yourself that you’re going to stick by them anyways. REAL love is holding them when they’re afraid or in trauma. Real love is sticking beside them if they lose a limb and being with them til death, (you know, like you promised?) Real love is deciding (like in my case) that if they have a disease that prevents them from having sex with you that you not only DO NOT go seeking out other men/ women (or porn 😛 )but you stand by them, find ways around the issue, and support the person who is sick. REAL LOVE is watching the BOTH of you grow old… and die.

REAL LOVE IS SELFLESS
REAL LOVE IS DEDICATION
REAL LOVE IS SACRIFICE

REAL LOVE has NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT THEY DO FOR YOU… it has EVERYTHING to do with WHAT YOU DO FOR THEM.

They WILL NOT fix you. You CAN NOT fix them. They WILL NOT make you happy / take away the pan. You CAN NOT make THEM happy / take away THEIR pain.

Real love is acceptance.

Love is not a feeling. It’s saying yes and then doing the “yes” part til death.

Unfortunately, that is the truth and unfortunately, people in this generation have no clue what real love is and they move on from boyfriend to boyfriend or even spouse to spouse “promising” something that they can never give because they do not understand that the issue is in themselves and their misunderstandings of “love”

After all, it’s “patient, kind, etc… 1 Cor 13”

#6.
Don’t be Creepy, Dude…

Or girl. If you get the sense that a person is NOT interested… STOP bugging them. Seriously… like stop…

I’ve seen both men AND women go after a person that is obviously NOT the one and obviously has NO interest in them almost from the start. Just… stop… Be their friend.

Which leads me to number

#7. 
Stop crying “Friend Zoned”

Every time someone decides that they just want to be your friend, accept it as fact and move on.

You are not in some “prison” … you are having a “normal life” where people GET to choose whether they want to be your spouse and / or boy/girlfriend. They are allowed to, it is their right.

Crying “I’ve been FRIENDZONEEEEDDDDDD” is just harboring bitter for something that you have no control over and frankly, you shouldn’t… After all… Deus Vult 😉

Don’t cry over some invisible zone. Realize that God has something else / better for you.

tales from the friend zone

#8. 
Do NOT be the person who is just eternally “indecisive”

This is horribly unattractive.

“I like you… Well, maybe I don’t. No. You’re really pretty… I don’t like you tho. I don’t really want to be in a relationship with you… You’re definitely the one… maybe I was wrong.”

STOP IT!

Make a decision and stop messing with people AND yourself.
“Let your yes be yes and your no be no”

Oh, and stop blaming it on God. That is definitely, unequivocally 190% YOU.

Be CAREFUL how you treat others who are near you. Don’t let someone spend lots of time alone with you that you know has feelings for you and act super friendly with them only to tell them that you are not interested in the long term. That’s just your selfishness and enjoying the “attention.”

love

#9. 
No… God did not “tell you”

This one needs to stop. Seriously. It is honestly THE WORST thing I’ve seen in churches when it comes to marriage/ relationships, etc.

It does SO MUCH HARM! Playing “match maker” or “Marriage prophet” is a BIG NO NO NO NO NO … and it applies to YOU personally too.

Have I seen it happen? Yes. Have I seen it happen lots? No. I have seen probably 10,000 cases of “God told me marry so and so” and maybe THREE instances in which it was actually truth.

My dad (who is prophetic) has a good policy, “NEVER PROPHECY IN MARRIAGE”… good one.

MOST of the time, when a person feels that “god” is telling them that Anna suchandsuchy is their wife, they are 100% wrong. It’s NOT God. It FEELS like God because it’s what the person wants to hear, but in actuality, it’s them. It’s what THEY want. Or, if it’s not, it’s them looking for an answer and attributing something to God that’s not God.

This goes back to #1… “THE ONE” – God told me that “SHE/HE is THE ONE”… more than likely? No He didn’t. You can believe that He did… but I’ve seen MANY of these “God told me’s” turn into divorce and unhappiness.

Because again, they don’t understand “love” …

Don’t tell someone that God told you about THEIR future spouse either. He may have, but do NOT share the who’s why’s how’s… that’s not your job. If God wills it, it will happen.

I could tell you countless stories *SMH* … Just… train wrecks.

TLDR
TL:DR
#1.  Be open, there is no “the one” Be MINDFUL

#2.  PREPARE / get your life together

#3. Date, lots. Don’t throw your heart around, just spend time with people.

#4. Drop fear. Admit that you’re afraid of commitment and stop it.

#5. Stop believing lies about love. It’s selfless and love is about YOU, not them.

#6. Move on. They’re not into you.

#7. Stop with the “Friend zone” thing.

#8. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Stop with indecisiveness

#9 God didn’t tell you who your spouse is, so don’t believe it