You suck, here’s why.

In the generation of cry, cry, cry, me, me, me, mine, mine, mine, now, now, now, (Wow, I sound like Captain Hook from “Hook”) – I am amazed at a growing trend both among the younger generation, but also in the OLDER generation too more and more.

It doesn’t discriminate against anyone, race, religion, gender, or riches (or lack there of)

FIRST- a disclaimer. This is not directed at ANYONE in particular, just a thing that I myself have witnessed going on with several people, AND I’ve heard others complain about outside sources doing the same thing.

party

When I was a little kid, if you got invited to a party, a Christmas gathering, a birthday function, or a general “overall function”- you NEVER neglected to bring something. Food, water, beverages, dessert, OR, in the cases of a birthday and Christmas (which is far more important in my opinion) a card, or a gift.

I am actually amazed at the amount of people recently who I’ve seen cry, scream and wail about people needing to “help others” and “be kind” and “give to others” and in the same week/ month/ year, won’t even so much as bring a birthday card to a good friend. Someone they’ve known for years.

Seriously, millennials… what is with that? Don’t expect people to bring you gifts, cards, and presents if you can’t be bothered to do the same.

No one expects to GET gifts, however, it seems silly to me that it’s not proper etiquette to simply bring a card. Money is not the problem. The dollar tree sells cards 2 for a 1$ and I have to say, I am amazed at the amount of people who do this who I know are not in the poverty line by any means.

I’m sorry, but this lack of etiquette to even bring a card, a liter of soda or both simply describes the silliness of this generation. Not so much because of the fact that they don’t bring something, but that they in turn, expect everyone to lavish things on them when it’s “their turn” (birthday, Christmas, etc…) Honestly? That’s disgusting.

I’m not trying to talk myself up here… I have a LOT of flaws, but I almost NEVER show up to a thing empty handed, expecting to eat your food, and drink your wine without contributing to a thing. If I do ever do this, there’s a reason. The invite was EXTREMELY last minute and the situation was explained, or something got destroyed on the way over…

I am specifically speaking about the people who have LONG periods of time to plan/ purchase a card/ bring some chips, whatever… and don’t. They simply come, eat, and expect to be taken care of. Then seem to whine about others not “giving” enough at other events, etc… >_>

blech. barf.

End/ If you’re invited to someone’s BIRTHDAY, AT LEAST bring a darn card… -_- 50cents if you’re really hard up for cash. Make some cookies, SOMETHING… my goodness… at least don’t complain about it, or people not being “serving” later on, when you’re the one who shows up to eat everyone’s food and leave. -_-

Advertisements

Rich, poor, comfortable.

I wanted to do a sort of “guidance” post for people who are “poor”… I put quotations around poor because I’ve seen some people complain that they are poor and what they really mean is that they don’t have money. Let me explain – they have money, it’s just always gone at the end of the month with very little to spare.

Let me also offer a controversial idea in this day and age.

If you live in America.
If you live in a dwelling.
If you EVER eat out with your own money.
If you have ever once bought starbucks.
If you have a television and internet access.
If you can buy toys, games, movies, or video games.
IF you have ever gone to a zoo, theme park, or concert.
IF you are not naked.
IF you can buy clothes.
IF you can buy jewelry, make up, nail polish, etc.

You are NOT poor.

You might feel poor because there’s never any money… but you are not poor.

This is poor –
poor

THIS is uncomfortable – (kitchen, plates, running water, storage, food, even though not a whole lot.)
poor-1

I’m not here to growl at those who are poor and say, “BE MORE GRATEFUL!”

This post is more about trying to help… trust me, I hold no contempt for you regardless of which place you put yourself in. If you feel that you are in the poor category even though you live somewhere, have food and clothing, a car, and some entertainment. Then I won’t argue as I have no idea what your situation is. ^_^ You could very well be poor.

Also – as a side note. Someone living in America CAN be very horribly struggling and I COMPLETELY acknowledge that. I have been there.

My statements and comparisons were to challenge some ideas, nothing more.

Now, let’s talk about some ways towards not being stuck all the time.

Once upon a time, I was poor. Although, if I were judging by my own standards above, it was more mostly that I was “uncomfortable” …

I have to say, even though I was uncomfortable, I didn’t even know that I was that, and here’s why… My parents never treated me that way, talked about $$, complained about being poor, ever, AND my mother was smart and found ways to make things fun, exciting, different, and new!

For parents, I suggest the above. If your children feel that there’s a problem, they are going to think that there’s a problem and they are going to feel disadvantaged and like there is no hope. If they feel that they are having fun, and that everything is okay, they might not even realize that they are “poor” until later in life (like me lol).

Please, don’t feel insulted by some of my suggestions. I KNOW some of you already know these things, but you’d be surprised how many poor or uncomfortable people I’ve spoken to who do not know these things, make excuses around them, or simply don’t care to try.

First and foremost.

My first tip-
EVERYONE of working age should be working in SOME way. Even if it’s from home, or doing Mechanical Turk, or anything like that… EVERYONE who can contribute, should be. Remember the verse, “Those who don’t work, don’t eat.”

NEXT

Figure out your budget. How much money do you bring in every month, and how many bills on average do you have? What do they cost? And can you pay them all?

If your answer is “yes” – and you are just barely squeaking out the other end at the end of each month. Then that’s good. You’re not in the red.

Looking at bills and talking about them… Let’s start with groceries.

A good way to make sure that there’s always enough $$$ for groceries and even SAVE some $ is to meal plan.

If you know (for instance) that there are 4 of you, and every night you can make mashed potatoes (they’re cheap, and yummy) and salad (also cheap and yummy) then you’ve gotten 2 side dishes out of the way for a few days of the weak that are good and salad is good for you. A head of lettuce is cheap, and can easily make 2-3 salads if you throw in a little cucumber, cheese, and tomato (all cheap).

My mother used to ENTERTAIN people on a poor man’s salary by getting creative with food and sales, etc. I have a bit of that gift in me as well as I have been very low on money and still managed to give people a meal.

A GREAT tip/ trick is the dollar store. IF you have one near you (or Dollar tree) go there and buy things like pasta, pasta sauce, popcicles (if you buy them) these things at regular stores cost as much as 3$ a piece. Pasta is often still cheap, but if you buy sauce, and popcicles from the dollar store, you can save at least 5$ just from that. If you buy sugar, flour, cereal (often these stores DO carry name brands) a liter of soda, chips, sliced bread, etc from the dollar store, canned soup, cream, coffee, you can save like at least 20$ Even if you buy the other groceries from the regular store, 20$ is 20$…

Here’s a quick meal for company from the dollar store, pair it down for just family.-

The 99 cent store currently carries Progresso soups. It also often carries half and half.
Get TWO cans of Progresso tomato basil soup. (2$)
A pint of half and half (1$)
A loaf of french bread (1$)
Some olive oil. (1$)
A bag of romaine lettuce (1$)
Some Caesar dressing (1$)
Croutons if you want (1$)
If the dollar store has cheese, get shredded cheddar Kraft or sargeanto, yes they carry both brands sometimes, and a white cheese, (1$, 1$)

Dessert? Grab a fancy looking box of cookies (1$) or 2 if you like (1$) and arrange them nicely on a platter.

Pour both cans of soup into a pan, add a half cup (or more) of cream (1/2& 1/2), sprinkle shredded cheese on top, let simmer, stir, serve in bowls, and top with more cheese and basil leaves (if you have them, the dollar store actually has this too)

Slice the bread, into 6-8 pieces, arrange on a cookie sheet. LIGHTLY drizzle with olive oil on the top. Pop in the oven for 5-8 minutes on 350 degrees.

Chop (makes it look fancier) lettuce after washing and stir in Caesar dressing. Top with croutons and white cheese.

Serve meal to guests who will be stunned (this is delicious, trust me).

Serve tea, and cookies for talk time.

Almost all of my guests who have been over for dinner have said that this meal is like they’re eating at a fancy restaurant. And IF we’re going all out, we’ve spent – 12$. If we’re not, we can easily put a cookie box back, and leave the bread OR the salad, and easily have a hot ready meal that costs us 8-10 instead. This meal can EASILY be a quick meal for “just the family” too. Skip the cookies, and you can (instead) slice the bread REALLY thin, smother it with grated cheese and make grilled cheese. ^_^

This recipe was just here for an example of how you can eat cheap, but still impress your peers/ guests. ^_^ But when you think in terms like that, things don’t look so bleak.

Meal plan, meal plan, meal plan. I’ve spoken with so many poor people who just go into the store and say, “We need this, this, this, this, this, this,” and end up throwing a lot of it away or just eating unnecessary food.

For example- Breakfast. Don’t just buy eggs, cheap cereal, granola bars, oatmeal (yes, I’ve actually seen poor people do this because a lot of it was cheap.) Instead, buy an extra half gallon of milk, and a box of cereal that’s on sale and THAT’S it. If you need extra, buy a tin of oatmeal that’ll last two-three weeks and there, you have a “choice…”

Again, I know some of you are reading this and totally going, “Ummm… yeah, if I had the kind of money to be buying multiple food items, I wouldn’t be calling myself “poor” … I totally get it. This is not for you then. ^_^ I can only tell you, TRUST me… I have literally spoken to people who “can’t pay their bills” who go to the store and buy this way.

But, this can be a helpful tool for $ saving when it comes to meals.
Write out a meal plan for the ENTIRE week, stick pretty closely to it, perhaps buying an extra thing or two, and you’ll have an easier time seeing some extra $ at the end of the week.

Meal planning looks like this –
Monday-
Breakfast – Cereal and milk
Lunch РHam  sandwich with small salad
Dinner – tomato soup with bread.

Tuesday-
Breakfast- Cereal and milk
Lunch- Peanut butter sandwich with chips
Dinner- hot dogs and salad.

Etc.

So, from the above – Buy cereal, milk, lettuce, dressing, bread, ham slices, mayo, mustard, peanut butter, chips, hot dogs and buns. And BTW, MANY of those items can be found at the dollar store.

Next item on the list… shopping.

Again, if you already do this… this DOES NOT apply to you.

For things like-
Bathing suits and trunks.
purchase them all OFF season.

I’ll never forget- I knew someone who was always trying to save money and she was complaining that she couldn’t get her daughter a new swimsuit because it was 55$…
“FIFTY FIVE DOLLARS??! (I asked)… where?!?!”

You see, I was shocked because my mother NEVER purchased my swimwear for 55$. She purchased me a full one piece suit (nice ones) for about 18$ at most. Sometimes 15$. This woman (like many others) didn’t know that you can A, buy swimsuits at the end of the year, or just outside of summer (early Sept) or B, buy them from stores that were NOT name brands and so long as you’re not swimming every single day, they’ll last. Several of mine lasted 3-6 years.

The same thing with clothes, though. If you (for instance) are looking for a pair of boots to look classy/ snazzy in… Wait until JUST before they’re ready to take them off of the shelves, they will ALL be on sale. Some, even clearance. Wait till next year to wear them, repeat, you get into a cycle where your clothes are ALWAYS much cheaper.

Same thing with holiday items and goods. I love the dollar store, Joanne’s, and Michael’s (and of these, Joanne’s is the LEAST helpful) but- the dollar store carries wrapping paper, decorations, fine chocolates, etc for holidays. I have actually purchased full on gift bags for people FROM the dollar store and spent about 6 dollars. It looks AMAZING and it’ll be well accepted.

BUT, let’s stay out of the dollar store for a moment. I just (for instance) purchased an ENTIRE box of Christmas cards (when I say an entire box… I mean a large box, filled with about 26 boxes of Christmas cards) for 4$ because they were being clearanced from Michael’s. Guess who doesn’t need to buy Christmas cards for the next few years? (Me…)

This rule works with almost EVERYTHING that you buy. When you buy things slightly off season and then store them away, you can have TONS of nice things for your home, gifting, and clothing yourself. I can now give EVERYONE a nice card next year and it will have literally cost me 4$ to hand out cards to 50 people.

Again, this rule works with almost everything. Pants? Buy them right before summer. They’re cheaper. Boots? Same thing. Holiday decorations? Right after the holidays. ^_^

Obviously some of this involves some planning, but if you’re confident in you, I’m confident in you.

A few other tips.

This one is obvious, but again… I’ve spoken to people crying that they couldn’t save money, but still bought a venti mocha every day at SB.

If you HAVE to have a starbucks… try 5 days a week instead of 7. Try making it a tall (small) and try to start supplementing, by making coffee at HOME every morning (WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY cheaper. You’ll literally save a few hundred dollars a year that way.)

Want to have some fun? For Christmas and birthdays, ask everyone for gift cards to movie theaters, and restaurants. Use them throughout the year when you need “you” time, or just to get out.

Stop buying so much make up and accessories. It really boggles me that people who claim to be poor still do this so much (mostly women)… Seriously, buy two nice lips sticks, some eyeliner, a mascara, some foundation, blush, and three or four eyeshadow colors and GET BUY for the next 6 months. You don’t need to continuously throw your money away on make up, which can be HELLA expensive. You can also ask for these as gifts, as well, remember that.

Next tip…
AGAIN… if you don’t do this, this is not for you…
If you’re struggling to pay bills, but spend money on the extra pottery class, or sewing group…think about leaving it for a time. You might be able to come back in the future, but even if it only costs 20$ every 6mos, that’s still money YOU need. Instead, find free classes online, or fill time with getting creative, doing yoga (online/ free) etc.

Next tip…
Sometimes this doesn’t occur to people…

Look for another job. Sometimes this isn’t possible due to living in small cities or in certain situations, and I totally understand that.

But look. Get on the internet, look on craigslist, and every site that offers services like that.

If you CAN’T find a new job, you might be able to find a second one, OR side work. (So and so needs someone to watch a cat over the weekend, pays 50$)…uh, yes. Take it. LOL.

pennies

Next tip-
Sell some crap.

There are sites dedicated to selling your stuff, find them and get posting. ^_^

ANOTHER tip…
Open a savings account. When you go to the bank, EVERY paycheck, put in ten dollars. You might realize how little you NEED that 10$ if you don’t have it from the get go. It will slowly grow as you discipline yourself to do this every single paycheck. You NEVER use this money unless in TOTAL emergency. (someone is dying, etc)…end of the year? You should have around 260$… Is that a lot? No… but if you managed it, you might say, “hmmm… I didn’t spend it, I didn’t use it… I still had everything I needed… maybe this time I should put 15 dollars in there instead…) You do that, and at the end of the year, you have 600+ dollars in there. Yes, it’s growing.

Now, if you can do that- do this-

Keep an envelope or two in your sock drawer, or underwear drawer, or just somewhere no one will find it. Write “vacation” on it… Or write “dinner out” or whatever. Every single paycheck, take 5$ and put it in there. Do this as well when you have an extra 1$ bill laying around, or 50cents in change. After 6mos, go on a NICE dinner to a fancy place, or take a small getaway to a hotel.

Obviously these tips do NOT help with everything… and if you are still struggling with money, I am truly sorry.

I hope and pray that you will find a better job, that pays a little (or a LOT more). In this day and age, you can keep bettering yourself via the internet, and things that are FREE… Go to youtube, and learn a skill from someone who is teaching it free, and add that to you resume. Even if it’s playing guitar, or piano, even if it’s learning to cook, or HECK, even if it’s doing make up via watching a million tutorials. ^_^ Keep adding to your knowledge, and you just might have something that makes you a little more valuable. It’s the SAME DARN THING with your personality even. If someone has said that you are unlikeable, get some books, or find free stuff online about making yourself MORE likeable, handling pressure, etc.

Last but not least… Treat yourself. BUT PLAN it out. Don’t say, “I’m treating myself” and then treat yourself five times in a month. Plan when you’re going to do it, and make sure it’s within your budget.

I hope something helped. If not, I hope you love me anyways lol

Going inside and Shutting the Door.

Going to be candid here… if that bothers you, move on. I don’t have time for bull right now.

Often I wonder how I got to where I’m at…

How is it that I am who I am?

I told my mother the other day that not a single thing that I’ve done in my life has been a “success” … and while this statement is a bit of an exaggeration… (did I complete ONE class in college and get an A, yes… did I walk up to the front of the congregation one time and play the piano stunning and awe-ing everyone watching WITHOUT any music? Yes. – I was 7- Did I finish a few novels that have never been published and hardly anyone on the planet will read? Sure…) But what is all of that if nothing has come of it, and almost everything else has been a failure?

I have been fired from or let go of nearly every single job that I’ve ever had… I could list them and tell you things… but that would be pointless I think. I’ll only say that in almost every case, I believe that I was treated unfairly as I truly and completely did everything that I could to be a better employee.

I never graduated high school… although I DID get a GED (barely.) And not a single one of my dreams has ever come true… (Except for marrying my darling husband who most of the time I feel I am a complete and total burden on…)

But it’s actually much worse than that…

Most of my life, I have suffered… firstly with mental illness (nothing dangerous, just difficult enough to way on me 24/7…) and secondly with actual physical illness…

I could list everything that’s wrong with me, but it’s silly… I’ll name a few things – I have IBS which is tearing my body apart as I write this… I am starving, and afraid to eat, because eating often means that I get sick from eating… Even if I eat bland or mild food that doesn’t normally make me sick. Wonderful, right?

I have Vulvar vestibulitis which is a horrible female disease in my genitals which (from having diarrhea earlier) is ALSO wreaking havoc on my body at the moment as everything “down there” has been filled with trauma and acid. This disease often gives me constant pain in my vagina (not always) and makes it impossible to be intimate with my partner. My husband… the man I married. Whom, btw, I waited for UNTIL I was married to have sex with.

Remember, I have many other things wrong with me… I’m just not going to bother listing them atm…

And yet… somehow, I can not help but feel like everything and everywhere that I am at is all my fault… Somehow, I have done something in my life to make my body hate me…

I can’t ever help but feeling (as I sit here, cry, and hurt very very badly) that everything that is happening makes me a disappointment and a failure. I am a disappointing friend because I can’t ever FULLY be there for someone. I am a disappointing employee, now more than ever because I’m probably about to turn a job down because I am unsure based on how my health is acting right now that I can handle it… and I am a disappointing person. Maybe if not to “everyone else” … to me. Even if it’s not “my fault” … I am disappointing.

Let’s also include the fact that for whatever reason, I have never seemed to have many close friends, and I can’t seem to keep those who are close close at all, even though at times I feel like the doormat who serves everyone.

I hate where I am in life…

And sometimes, I am okay and I have some time to be okay… And other times I just want to go inside and shut the door… and not ever come out again. I have been in that stage of just wanting to be alone and close the door for about two weeks now and honestly? I am unsure of whether or not I will be coming out of it anytime soon.

I HATE the fact that there is no self help book… no bible verse, etc… that is going to help me right now.

The bible is good, and true, and makes things a little “easier”…but my physical health continues to deteriorate and sap years of what is left of my youth away… and as that happens… I get to watch everyone else carry on with their lives…

I am beyond broken, and as I have repeatedly cried out to God, I have never truly found an answer for what I am to do, who I am to be, etc… just broken I guess…

dppr