I’m Tired of Deadpool, so naturally I blog about it

Let’s start this off with two facts.

Fact numero 1, I love Deadpool.

“The character” “The idea” “The player character in Marvel Ultimate Alliance” “The quick talker in Ultimate Spiderman” “Ryan Reynolds BEFORE the end of Wolverine” (Okay… people are dead…)  In fact, if any of you have ever seen me say, “tada” he’s where it started. He loves to say that in Marvel Ultimate Alliance, one of my absolute favorite games). Every time I say this, I hear it in his voice. (Hands up, John Kassir) (He’s also been voiced by one of my FAVORITE voice actors, “Nolan North”… HANDS UP NOLAN NORTH!!!)

The idea of him is pretty awesome, gotta admit. Someone who can’t be killed, heals awesome quick, martial arts, tele-ports (with a device-y thingy), longevity. Yup, Wade Wintson Wilson’s got it all…

Sept where it comes in the looks department-

But that’s neither here nor there at this point.

Fact letter B, (yes, we’re still on facts, keep up)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII…lookedatpornlastnight.
Hey, we’re being honest, right?

It wasn’t like “people having sex” porn, or even real graphic. Just something that I shouldn’t have been looking at.

This is an issue that I’ve mostly kicked (or had mostly kicked) in my married years and during my walk with God and becoming more serious about Him and what He wants for my life. There’s a reason that it’s become a LOT more difficult in the last two – three years. No, I don’t have an “addiction” (this isn’t something that I do every day, every week, etc) but I do have moments where I fall to it now, and the reasons are long and drawn out and hard to explain. I WILL say that it has a LOT to do with my illness (I’ll link blog here-https://lkjslain.wordpress.com/2014/08/02/hello-my-name-is-lisa-and-im-a-chronic-pain-sufferer/) and while I’m not using that as an excuse for my behavior, it absolutely is related. Pain causes us to see things differently/ think differently, etc. ESPECIALLY (I think) when it’s sexual / preventative pain.

Sure, I should be “stronger,” but ultimately those are all things that God is working out in me and it’s day by day (sometimes minute by minute) you fall, pick yourself up, fall…etc.

This (soft core porn struggle) is a problem that I’ve had off and on since I was probably… fifteen and you know what it started with? (Take a crack at it)

MOVIES! 😀

I’m gonna be hhhhonest with you, I believe that one of the reasons for the rise in bi-sexuality and lesbianism in the church is due to R-rated films or films that exploit women.

There’s a slew of information to back this up especially accounts of WOMEN WITH this problem talking about and sharing how this problem began.

But there’s even more to it than that… MEN report much of the same thing. In this day and age, I have found more and more than men’s awakening to their sexuality was due to “film.” Whether it was a raunchy sex scene, nudity, or just a woman slowly revealing that she is in a bra and undies.

I state this second fact and where I stand on it BECAUSE I want everyone to know who’s reading this that A, I don’t hate you or think you’re a horrible, nasty sinny sin sinny sinny sin sinner for liking and/ or watching Deadpool “the movie”…

OBVIOUSLY I’ve got my own problems and thus, can’t look at you and say “YOU HORRIBIBLE TERRIBIBLE PERSON…BIBLE…”

However, what I CAN do is explain how I feel about entertainment, movies, the Christian walk, and how “I’VE” come to where I’m at now. (I know, you’re all DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING to know… *watches a person click off this site…* Okay……… the REST of you are all DYYYYYYING TO KN *POINTS DRAMATICALLY*-SIT BACK DOWN!)

I am not at ALL holding up a sign that says that I am the “Shining Example of What to Watch in CHRISTIAN Entertainment” … Yes, yes, I DO watch The Walking Derps, and Yes, yes… I DID watch “Hannibal” … These are definitely NOT touted as Christian shows and certainly contain violence, gore, and the like. I would never suggest anyone to actually “watch” these shows unless they were into this/that. >_> The other.

But MOST of my movie and television watching has gradually become more and more cleaned up of things like sex, nudity, and gratuity as time has gone on.

I remember being eighteen or nineteen and thinking during a raunchy sex scene… “Why am I watching this? Why is this okay?” Then I of course laughed and said to myself, “SELF… Why is VIOLENCE okay?” Then I sort of churrrckled and said, “Well, it ain’t… but in some cases in stories, violence is warranted or “righteous” … is THIS… THIS on the screen ever warranted?”

And I struggled with that for a long time.

I will note here that it’s been my experience that MANY of the same men in the church crying over women needing to “dreasss moarrrr moudestly…” are the shock same men who are watching movies and TV FILLED with sex and nudity.

Double standard, much?

The bible warns us many times over not to A, look upon women lustfully (or men, it’s directed at both) and B, to be careful what we’re witness to. Those things will start to dictate what’s in our hearts and souls. Those things “come out” when no one is looking and soon when EVERYONE is looking.

I look at watching movies like, “The Avengers” and say, “The fighting / violence going on is often righteous because it’s a situation in which they are often fighting to protect/ help.”

It’s often similar (not the same, I know) in TWD. The people are (often) either fighting to protect others from the undead, OR to protect others from OTHER horrible people. There’s a sense of righteousness… and something else that God laid on my heart? It’s… acting…

Nudity and sex however… well… it’s not “acting” … You can’t “act” naked, if you’re naked, you’re naked and Hollywood uses this device to tempt and taunt and sell sex. They don’t OFTEN use it for reasons that they should (natives, tribes, prisoners, slaves, etc) Sex? It’s “just acting” …. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, hate to break it to you, but not really. (I’d like to preface this by saying that I have been in Hollywood a little and know plenty of people who are/ were and can confirm these things) – actors and actresses OFTEN sleep with one another (not always, some have morals) but when you’re filming a sex scene for six days where you’re both nude and pressed up against one another (sorry to be graphic) WHAT DO YOU THINK is going to happen?

I read an article one time (wish I could find it) that an ACTOR wrote about how during love scenes he had a VERY difficult uh… time (won’t get any more graphic than that, you can use your imagination).

Because it’s NOT acting when you put two naked people against one another for several days and ask them to “pretend to do sexual things”… that’s not how the human body/ brain or anything works, really 😛 (unless your co-star is 100% flaming gay)

Hollywood itself is STEEPED in sexual sin. I know someone who can TELL you that as a woman she was asked by almost EVERY SINGLE manager and some directors to either A, take her clothes off, or B, sleep with them (or do sexual favors). And often, these women in Hollywood are told that they won’t “get anywhere unless they do” … sad… exploitative. I would know.

Now, I’m not suggesting that there isn’t a chance that God doesn’t want me watching The Walking Dead…

I’ve actually struggled with the idea of “stopping” watching TWD… and I can guarantee you that if they choose to cross a few set lines in my head, I won’t hesitate to terminate my “relationship” with the zombie show. I almost terminated it during Terminus. BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

What it IS to say is that often, I’ve found with movies and film the REASON that I’m okay watching certain things is finding the redemptive part in it.

As a person and as a CHRISTIAN, what I long for is restoration/ healing, forgiveness, affection/ brotherly love…
EX. one of the reasons that I love The Count of Monte’ Cristo (with James Caveziel) is because at the end, he realizes that revenge is NOT the answer, even though the bad guys deserved it and TO BE FAIR, he justly dealt with them all (in the movie)- eye for eye like.

He is restored at the end, no longer a “cloaked figure” trying to hurt people. Now a man with purpose, family, and love again.

If things are often just “glorifying raunchiness, adultery, sexual immorality, violence, etc…” I have a VERY hard time just “watching” that and feeling that Christ is okay with it.

Who knows, maybe I’m wrong… but I can tell you that God has spoken to me NUMEROUS times in movies and film ESPECIALLY where there was a sense or heroism, restoration, sacrifice, etc.

I wouldn’t say that it brings me “closer to God” – I’d say that it helped me at times understand myself and our Lord better.

I want to briefly address also, how I feel (as a society) we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking that Deadpool must push ALLLLLLL boundaries because that’s “just who he is” … let me tell ya, son. I sat down and pawed through a ton of Deadpool comics, I have watched multiple things with Deadpool in them, and I play as deadpool in one of my favorite video games… I BELIEVE that the writers/ producers could have VERY EASILY made this PG-13… and maybe quite a bit more funny/ creative/ suggestive. In fact, there’s a large part of me (being a writer) that wants to see the darn movie, get the script and re-write it to prove everyone that it could have in fact been done. In almost ALL instances where we’ve seen this character he’s been PG-13 / (sometimes even PG) and no one has complained. In fact, everyone LOVES DEADPOOL!

Things COULD have been pushed further, but the idea that things needed to be pushed as FAR as they were? ………………………… questionable.

I am writing this blooooog not to say “HEY YOU! YES YOU SINNER SINNY SIN SINNN SINNER… DON’T GO SEE DEADPOOL!”

I’m actually writing it plant some ideas and ask a few questions about our entertainment.

We as people and as Christians should always find ways to see God in entertainment and if we can’t, then that entertainment might not be worth it to us. Remember, PAUL stated that he can do ALL things, but not ALL things are beneficial to him… in fact, some things are the OPPOSITE of beneficial. They hurt us in the long run. And I just wonder at times how many of us (myself included) watch something and then years down the road don’t realize that HEY… I wonder where this train of thought, or THIS allowance, or THIS such and such started… …………………………………….. if I was honest with myself…? Maybe it started with Deadpool… 😦
(Or GOT, or SOA, or Hannibal, or TWD, or OITNB, or………………………)

– Did you make it through this boring piece without shoving a fork in your eye? Good for you! You get a chimichanga.

Now go see Deadpool and don’t come complaining to me that I’m uptight and holier than thou. 😛

God takes forgiveness pretty seriously. You should too

Matthew 6:15 – http://biblehub.com/matthew/6-15.htm

I’m going to be blunt…

I hate it when people (ESPECIALLY Christians) won’t admit to the fact that the problem is “them”…

When a person has deliberately decided that someone else is the problem and hence they hold no forgiveness for that person in their their hearts and act as if they can never be made whole again, it really frazzles me.

Time and time again I watch in the church (funnily enough, mostly with WOMEN but a few times with men) who get their feathers bent out of shape because of this or that or the other and decide that now they have a problem with someone else.

However, when the problem is addressed, commented on, apologized for, or stated to be misunderstood, the same old things always seem to follow … in fact, it’s hilarious how predictable those things are-

Un-forgiveness, mistrust, contempt, jealousy, rumor spreading, gossip, the list just goes on and on.

I have lost several friends in the last 6-10 years, ALL of them women, ALL of them to issues that could have easily been resolved if said woman would have just accepted my SINCERE apology and realized that THEY were the problem.

Now, let me be clear-

When I say that THEY are the problem, what I am talking about was/is after the fact. Meaning that regardless of whether I initially caused an issue (most of the time it was over a misunderstanding, which makes it even more silly) they have refused to accept my apology, have a relationship with me, communicate, etc… This makes them the problem whether they like it or not.

Jesus repeatedly spoke in the bible about forgiveness and ESPECIALLY amongst his elect and His church. The “emotional feelys” that women don’t seem to be able to work out with their brothers and sisters seems to be one of the many reasons that women are not supposed to preach in churches as it seems that women have a much bigger issue with this than men.

The bible says that you are NOT supposed to have an issue with your brother or sister in Christ. This doesn’t mean that you might not always be working things out. This doesn’t mean that the other person won’t do things that rub you the wrong way, or that they might not do something that makes you mad. It means, don’t hold it against them. Let things go. ESPECIALLY IF THEY CAME TO YOU AND APOLOGIZED!

If you can’t do this, then what in the world are you calling yourself a Christian for? We are supposed to forgive our brother (sister) seventy times seven.

Even if your brother/sister was COMPLETELY in the wrong (and in my experience, that’s actually NOT the case. Usually there is either a great misunderstanding, the person who is upset is making it a FAR bigger issue in their mind than it actually is ((by ascribing motives and issues to the person that they are not forgiving)) that are not correct thus blowing it MASSIVELY out of proportion, or the other person might have actually done something very wrong and now they are very sorry about it).

The worst part is that usually the person who is holding someone in un-forgiveness will justify themselves in that. Immediately taking to social media and saying things like, “When God closes a door…” bla bla bla… No sweetheart… God didn’t close that door. You did. In fact, you SLAMMED it… in the face of your brother/sister and here I refer you to Matthew 6:15. Then you see posts like, “God knows what happened, I will stand firm”… and everyone on Twitter and Instagram likes it/ making the person feel justified (without knowing the full story). No sweetheart, again, God ain’t mad at your brother, He’s mad at you. 

Matthew 5:23-24 says, “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

Sounds to me like God takes forgiveness pretty seriously… “Leave your gift at the altar and go and reconcile” – “Your father WILL NOT FORGIVE YOUR SINS…” Hmmmm.

I would like to finish this post by saying that ultimately, here’s the real issue-

You are not causing someone else problems, you are causing problems for YOU… For yourself. God is not going to grant you favor through un-forgiveness. It says so in His book.

–I’m not trying to “Throw shade” or be “salty” I’m actually ONLY referring to people who have had personal problems with me in the PAST… so if you feel convicted or angry, then maybe you should be asking yourself why.

Think about it…

This is a marriage (our marriage to Christ) and it only works if we are committed to making it work. ALL OF US

Controversial story

I tried to settle my nerves and my mind. It was late now, after all. So, I closed my eyes and made my best effort to drift off into the state of sleep that I felt I desperately needed.

After what felt to me to be about ten minutes, a familiar feeling pricked my skin. It started at the back of my neck, then traveled down my shoulders and arms and to the tips of my fingers where it awakened me fully. Someone was there, and considering the options, I knew exactly who it was.

Looking up, I saw the looming shadow on the wall, the one that I’d seen before. The fuzzy, lanky image blurred against the gray wall and for a moment, it reached out, fingers stretching as if to touch me. Then his hand dropped and to my shock, he came towards me.

There was a moment of pause, and shortly after I felt the bed give a little and the warmth of a body slide up against me. Trig sighed, relaxing and put his arm around my body, pulling me ever closer. “Shhhh,” he whispered, shivering against me. “It’s so cold.”

It was cold. And I was frozen.

–

Scene From “Before The Darkness Starts to Run”

https://www.wattpad.com/story/49982118-before-the-darkness-starts-to-run

END GAME

I HAVE updated this if anyone is curious or wants to follow along. ^_^ I’m “okay” with how it’s going. It’s different and new for me, so bear with it. I have some plans for this. ^_^

https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/45795681-end-game

If anyone who is following cares –

I started putting one of my “on going” stories up on the internet-

You can check it out here-

*Zombie*
*horror*
*mature*

https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/45795681-end-game

Congratulations! YOU’RE SUPER WEIRD!!! :D

If you’ve ever “grown up” (we all have, I hope 😉 ) or spent any time around the young people of this (or perhaps any) generation, you’ve heard them speak of someone in their group or not and state plainly that he or she is “weird…”

The big W… word.

The very notion that someone is “weird” at all CAN be a dangerous idea… – as a side note, I’m talking about discerning that someone might be evil, or wish to do you or other people HARM… we’re not talking about people with undesirable or destructive habits such as pathologically lying, or hardcore drug addict… we’re specifically talking about someone who’s personality, dress, code of conduct, presentation of self, etc appears to the audience as “weird”…

Someone who might fall into this category might be someone with a mental disorder such as aspergers, socially awkward or has OCD…

Generally, (I fall into the bad category too, but, generally) when I’ve said that someone is “weird” I have meant that said person has a personality trait that I believe COULD be destructive to themselves or to others. Not that they are unwelcome because their personality is flawed, or their presentation of self is disgusting.

One of the dangers of saying that someone is weird is that it promotes the idea that there is a “normal”…

In reality, I think we’d all agree that God, or evolution or whatever you believe in (I personally credit God) created us to be “different” and as we’ve heard repeatedly through our lives “different is GOOD…”

So, what does a young person who has heard that “different is good” most of his or her life glean from the idea that “different IS good, but apparently, I am so different that I’m weird, and in my case weird is not good and not acceptable?” … ???

Again, I think that we could all agree that we were made to be different. Parties and get togethers would be quite boring if we were all very similar. People wouldn’t have a reason to connect, or speak, we wouldn’t have new things to show one another, we wouldn’t be able to show off hidden talents, or resources, the list goes on. I think we’d get bored pretty quickly.

I’ll offer a question to the masses…

So, Robert is weird…so what?

The danger of perpetuating this thought process is that what tends to happen is an act of exclusion…

So and so is “weird” so, instead of embracing so and so and tending towards understanding them, talking to them, trying to talk about things that they’re interested in, the tendency is to avoid them, thus feeding more into the person’s “weird”… This can also perpetuate gossip and hurt said person’s feelings, creating a vacuum that could destroy the entire universe… Or, you know…

A person who is excluded and isn’t able to socialize on a normal level has less of a chance of EVER being able to be an adult and socialize at all.

The idea of “normal” in any sense of the word is vastly over-rated. We need the wild ones, the goofs, the backward, the quiet ones, the soulful, the passionate, the aggressive and the kind… We need the dancers, the singers, the artists, the mathematicians, the linguists, the English majors, the writers, the know it alls, and those who just like a quiet video game. We need them all, and IT all to expand our horizons and sharpen our minds.

In order to understand how the world works, we need the world… not one aspect of the world.

When God made the rainbow, He didn’t make shades of one color… He made MANY colors with MANY shades.

This is one of the many reasons that I’m against schooling, but we’ll get to that some other time (post is not about that, stay on track, Lisa! XD)…

The point is this… Instead of doing the whole “act of avoidance” thing when it comes to someone who you might PERCIEVE as “quiet” or “abnormal” or “different” or “strange”… why not try including them in some way and attempting to help them? As I said up there ^ Exclusion only creates more issues. It ensures that a person WILL NOT grow into anything that is remotely “normal” at all.

Joke with said person, ask said person questions, don’t force or pull them, but attempt to be inclusive. If you can’t see it one on one, see it with a group, etc…

Don’t limit others by limiting yourself.

TL;DR The problem with THIS picture –

I understand that I am late to the game on this… like… way late… like, this issue has been dead and buried.

That’s cool. I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and figured I’d finally try and voice my own opinion on it.

Now, to begin this topic, we are going to start with a test. Get a pencil and paper ready… we’re going to write our answers down. Don’t worry, this won’t be hard.

Okay, here we go-
Which do you prefer:

A. “I want to see you succeed. Why don’t we do this together?”

B. “What’s wrong with you?”

Which do you prefer:

A. “You can do this! You can do the thing!”

B. “Are you stupid? What is your problem!?”

Which do you prefer:

A. “I know there’s a lot of issues right now. I know things look bleak. But, you’ve got this. You can manage it. I’ll help you if you need help.”

B. “Forget your fucking problems, and pull yourself up and do it, you loser!”

Which do you prefer:

A. “Look. I understand that life seems to have completely rolled you. I understand that some of this is in your control and some of it isn’t. I understand that things are terribly hard and you’re weak, hurting and in pain. But, let’s try and learn. Let’s move slowly, and let’s build until you’re able to run for the gold… that’s the best way to do things anyways. And when you fall, let’s take a moment to learn from it, to make sure we see the goals ahead and to not spend any time making yourself feel terribly for having a bad day. We all have bad days, and no one should feel guilty for having them.”

B. “What’s YOUR excuse?”

….

If you answered A to most of these or all of them. You’re probably pretty normal.

You see, I believe in “tough love.” Tough love is pretty tough, but often people forget the key word in tough love… “LOVE”…

I want to look at the biblical definition of love because often, people forget it when throwing around the “L” word… and they ESPECIALLY forget it when throwing around the “tough love” phrase. You probably know it, but that’s okay-

1st Cor 13 –
       If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. ² And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. ³ If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant ⁵ or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; ⁶ it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

⁸ Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. ¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. ¹² For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

¹³ So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Wow. Great verses, yes? I have underlined 4 – 7 to draw your attention.

I believe that often when we go towards a goal, we forget that how we do a thing is different that how someone else does a thing because of an immeasurable amount of factors.

Ultimately, yes a person can ONLY help themselves. Only THEY can figure out how to do a thing and in what way to go forward.

It’s EASY to say that doing a thing is EASY when you yourself have done the thing and found it to be easy.

You have done the thing based on your own circumstances, your own mental state, what is readily available to you, how you viewed the thing, your health, physical condition and past regarding the thing that you have accomplished.

But this does not mean that it is easy for everyone else, nor does it mean that even if the same exact things are applied to how the other person approaches it that they’ll succeed the same as you.

Each “thing” is a mystery that often comes with baggage, obstacles, views on the “thing”, upbringing, history, how you approach life, etc.

Assuming that the “thing” is easy, or doesn’t have excuses is not only ridiculous, it’s rude.

It’s rude because you do not know a person’s reason for not being able to do the “thing”. Or if they’re trying, have tried and failed, or want to try but have tried before and failed, or want to try and have never found a solution that works.

Yes, if you haven’t guessed at this point, I’m referring to weight. But, honestly, this can apply to a lot of things. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve been made to feel inferior because I couldn’t do “the thing”… whatever the thing was.
I clearly remember telling someone one time that I couldn’t do math well. (this was after I’d graduated, and it had been proven that I honestly completely SUCK at math). The person dismissively replied, “Well, then you’ve already defeated yourself.”

Discounting the fact that I had tried for countless hours upon hours to actually get math correct. Discrediting my long nights of crying, and being yelled at because I “didn’t get it”… As if “math” was the sum of my being… I had “already defeated myself”…

I might add that the man that I was speaking with was a “math wizard” and was known for having been so basically since birth. This factor is IMPORTANT when speaking to someone who is not inherently good at something that you popped out of the warm and cuddly womb literally writing as the doctor handed you a pencil and paper after giving your bum a good smack.

I remember feeling lousy for a long while. It changed my view of this man that I actually admired and respected. At the time he was to be my father in law. I felt as though I could not make him proud what so ever, when at the same time, I felt as though he should understand that I was not good at math and that this was a fact. Not a feat that I was in need of “challenging”. I wanted him to understand that I wasn’t giving an “excuse”, that I was stating a “fact.”

COULD I become good at math if given the right circumstances and learning conditions, teachers, and precise theory that worked well for me? Probably. But, again, I am mentioning that there are a list of factors when it comes to a “thing” and why or why not a person is or isn’t good at the thing.

This is no different than a thing like “weightloss”… oh sure, every single person on the planet can go on a strict calorie counting regimen and exercise two hours a day and drop a ton of weight. But, if certain things are not worked out in the process of this, this might not be lasting.

You see, extra body “baggage” often comes with other “baggage”. It’s almost always emotional. I am convinced that in some cases, the heaviness of a person heart literally affects their ability to lose weight, hence causing them to gain it more quickly and lose it much harder.

I was not born fat. I wasn’t fat until I hit a specific time in my life, and that time came with a lavish amount of pain. After this lavish amount of pain hit me (and at the time, I was only 8… then 9, … then 10) my weight spiraled out of control.

But let me explain you a thing that was bizarre about this particular “spiraling of weight”… I didn’t change my eating habits. No, in fact, the only thing that truly seemed to change in my life was how ridiculously depressed I was and how no one seemed to listen to me whenever I spoke up about how much I was hurting inside due to multiple factors in my life. (again, factors).

Now, don’t get me wrong. We all moved to Toronto Canada at this point (another factor that hurt me deeply as I had to leave all friends, family, and other kin behind), and during our time there we all indulged a little extra in food. Mostly around the holidays.

But funnily enough, when we moved BACK to Southern California, the “extra weight” that my parents put on dropped off of their bodies like magic. But mine did not. I grew a little, so I got a bit thinner, but I did not magically become thin.

Now, my father has always been big, but he lost weight. I did not.

Here’s where I start explaining this “factors” thing again.

Weight is like this… anyone can gain it. It’s not discriminate. It often makes people slow and unhappy. But, weight spiraling out of control can be related to a number of things.

Like a person’s own body. You see, I grew up with my mother and father. THEY bought the food that was in the house (not “mostly junk”) and fed it to me until a certain age. And yet, my mother and sister were always a thin- medium (my sister is still a stick), but I am “obese.” How can that be?

I have unfortunately in my life been treated as if my weight gain is entirely my fault when in reality, I don’t even truly know the cause of it, AND I’ve continued to get heavier throughout my life. If anyone is proof that diets do not work, I am. I have literally been on a diet my entire existence (or at least since I have gotten heavier)… depriving myself of food or things that I wanted to eat only caused my insides to rage and feel as if I was losing more control over my own life and it made me eat more or binge eat (on occasion, I’ve never binge eaten for days, or even weeks).

But, I ask myself again… why am I fat? I don’t know.

Okay, then the proper question is, “why can’t I get thin?” …

Well, another list of factors…

I have TRIED to get thin. As you will recall, I’ve been on a diet for many years, many different times with many different plans. Funnily enough, when my parents did the “atkins” plan to lose weight. They actually did! In fact, everyone in the family lost weight! That was/is… except for me. I was even exercising some at the time expecting to jump on the scale and see it move. A little… at all… any? Nothing…

This was actually when I became (for a brief period in my life) anorexic. Because I was tired of being fat. Being told that the reason that I was fat was all my fault. (because people who are fat MUST be sneaking large cakes into their bedroom every night and eating them… let me be clear… I was not.)

To this day, the changes I’ve made in my diet to “get thinner” have been leaps and bounds of progress. I no longer have chips in my house on a regular basis. Or soda, which I stopped drinking when I was seventeen in an attempt to get thinner and now only drink water or tea. I do not eat “dessert” every night or even every other night (as my mother claims that I must be doing).

The thing that is worse than not knowing WHY you are fat is realizing that other people believe that it is your FAULT that you are fat. When they start giving you the “eye” because you took that extra slice of pizza… but wait a second! They did too! And thirds, and fourths… but if YOU did it, that’s just proof that your being overweight is your own damn fault.

You see, it’s difficult to exist in a world where everyone around you eats the same way you do, or even WORSE than you do but yet, the fact that you’re fat is YOUR fault. This makes it difficult for the fat person to even understand what the problem is to begin with.
“Hey, come over for pizza and ice cream friday night!”
“SURE!”
“IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT YOU’RE FAT! LOOK AT HOW YOU EAT!”
“What?” 😦

Serious problem here.

Serious problem with how my parents raised me as well. This is another factor. Another factor is that I was never taught by example OR by simple force to do any exercise what so ever. My mother proudly states that she gets her “exercise” by “going up and down dem starrrs…” which is apparently why she’s seventy lbs light than I am… yup. I guess going up and down stairs four times a day will do it by jove! (she of course forgets that I used to live in that same house and do the same thing and that I now live in a building with stairs which I climb on average once a day… hey, three more times and I can lose seventy pounds).

I know very little about exercise and when I’ve tried it, I’ve found that quite a bit of it was not for me. Not because I don’t want to do it but because of the NEXT factor.

I am missing a whole part of my hip. Nothing wrong with it, I was just born that way. Doing “leg lifts” or  “squats” is more like “I think I might legitimately be in the seventh circle of hell right now”. Mostly for exercise, I walk. I was told by a doctor that I shouldn’t run, but on occasion recently, I do that too.

I will absolutely admit that I need to push myself harder in the exercise department and I would probably lose a ton of weight.

Here comes another factor. I have never in my life learned how to push myself at anything. I am one of those people who ALWAYS wakes up tired, NEVER seems to wake up during the day, and is usually crawling into bed by 4PM… My body does NOT seem to turn food into energy regardless of what I’m eating. Soup, salad, oatmeal, chicken, beans and veggies just seem to do NOTHING in my body but make me sluggish. Yes, junk food makes this even worse.

My life recently though has looked very similar to the diet that I have just presented you… more vegetables. More salads, lentils, beans, water, tea, more chicken and turkey, less food overall… and yet here we are… obese.

Let’s talk about the last thing… I have been sick for nearly a year. In fact, at the end of July, it will in fact be a year. This illness involves chronic, pain that exists in… well, let’s just be frank, my genitals. Yup. This stuff CAN happen.

Here’s where the vicious cycle thing happens. There’s a good chance that my pain is upset by the fact that I’m heavy… but my pain is making doing anything VERY hard. If you don’t know, I am married. There is no intimacy there… there hasn’t been for a while in a way that is not painful for me. This only makes me more depressed, and stress and depression feed this condition andddddd we start back at the beginning.

So what is my point in this TL;DR post?

My point is that regardless of “the thing” – whatever the thing is, there are tons of reasons for why a person might or might not have accomplished that same thing that you accomplished, and that means that you don’t really have the right to explain to them that they’re a moron, unmotivated, stupid, etc…

So, what is wrong with this picture?

The answer is the lack of “love” (when looked at in 1 Cor 13)… It’s GREAT that you “have no excuses”… (and a ton of pride in YOURSELF… which, I’m not even going to touch right now)

I have a lot of them, and growing up I was told, “stop with your excuses” most of my life… instead of “yes you can,” and “I’ll help you”… I was treated as if my pains, aches, and disturbances were mere “excuses” so that I wouldn’t have to do a “thing”…

Little did my parents know that I actually HAD a dislocated hip… that I actually DID get migraines / headaches on a regular basis because of my back that often caused me to vomit. Little did they know that I had a chronic illness that made eating make me sick (something that I haven’t even touched on here, ask me questions below). That I actually WASN’T sleeping at night and that I had the energy of a seventy year old at 11/12… And that yes, I’m sure that ALL of this could be at least “helped” from weight loss…

BUT I AM LEARNING… I might be learning until I’m dead for heavens sake because I still haven’t figured it out.

Some people DO and they move on. Others it takes a long amount of time due to a list of factors.

But, you might have easily (or with some work and your own obstacles) have accomplished the thing. Seriously… good for you… now do a sister a favor and back her up instead of acting like she’s weak, giving excuses, and just has a “problem” … the reality is that she KNOWS that she has problems and those problems have caused her to want to give up, not PUSH FORWARD… even though I am.

 

 

Internet Articles

Internet articles are so ridiculous sometimes…
“How to avoid insomnia… 31 tips and tricks that you absolutely MUST know!”
Me: Wow, okay, *opens*…
Article : Trick number 1… make sure it’s dark.
Me: DAMMIT! I’ve been doing it wrong all of these years… So has everyone else! We all sleep with the lights blazing! What other nuggets of wisdom can this second coming of an article have to offer?
Article: Tip number 19, “Avoid drink coffee before you go to bed”
ME: FOILED AGAIN! This is the ONLY time I drink coffee!
Article: Trick Number 22, “Avoid loud noises, make sure it’s quiet!”
Me: … *turns to the marching band…* “Guys, I won’t be needing your services tonight… no, Arnoldo… you don’t need to bang that drum anymore…
Article: Don’t sleep with lions, arachnids, or any other poisonous or potentially dangerous creature.
Me: Oh, now you’re just being silly.

Doing it wrong^ lights on…

 

Want to get away… sad birthday

a little… maybe… not really. XD

As many of you know, I have had a HARD HARD HARD passed 10ish months. (PLUS actually)

If you don’t know, I’ll give you a little background.

In December of 2012 I lost my cat two days before Christmas… it was a long battle and the LAST time that I asked for some help/support on the internet because the doctors weren’t sure if he was going to survive or not, and I had to pay for the medical bills somehow.

January/February of 2013 I had a root canal procedure that was horrifying… Basically, the dentist believes that he (during procedure) “nicked my nerve” or something and I ended up in horrible pain that caused mild PTSD

In March of 2013, I found out that due to some negligence on my husband’s behalf, and a slew of other “bombs” that were dropped on us, we owed multiple places over $6,000 dollars… since then, life has spun out of control for far too long.

In MAY of 2013, I had a serious burn accident that wound me up in the emergency room leaving me with a bill of over 2,000$ (for them to take my vitals, give me a shot, and put cream on my ankle btw…) LUCKILY (even though it’s taken this long) I’m getting some money for that but ONLY to pay the bills. Nothing “extra”. The burn that I was told would take a “week” to heal actually took about three months and left some scarring.

In July (LATE july ) the REAL trouble started. I basically woke up one saturday morning believing that I had a UTI… Went to the doctor, they found nothing, but put me on antibiotics anyways… This began a (what is now) TEN MONTH road of pain, suffering, antibiotics, countless “diagnosis” and overall hurt/shame/horror/depression/etc…

Not to mention the fact that I am not better yet. I BELIEVE that I’m getting there, but I’m not better 😥

In AUGUST of 2013 due to a bunch of ridiculous things. We lost our car. 😥 And have literally been carless ever since. Which is NOT easy in California. We’ve had to rely on everyone and everything just to “go places”…

This all the while I was going to doctors, getting blood drawn…

I could go through the list of things that I’ve been diagnosed with, or the antibiotics that I’ve been on… bottom line? I was never fully made aware of exactly what has happened to me… and in the end? I just have to “wait and see” kind of thing (no longer on antibiotics)… I was FINALLY (in Feb) diagnosed with Vestibulitis… basically, it means that I am in pain when “disturbed” there… I’m married, this has GREATLY disrupted my married life.

Also, I was essentially told by a doctor that due to all of my medications, I have all but RUINED my body’s bacteria, and health…wonderful…

All I want now? To be able to go for a small “vacation” with my husband for my birthday. Not a week, not a month… just a day or two to rest over near Disneyland and have a nice time. My room will be FREE, and I have just a tad bit of money set aside for gas/ etc (if we can barrow someone’s car which I don’t even know yet…) I know it sounds terrible… but even if you can donate a few dollars to me… that’d be SO WONDERFUL to give me just a small break from all of this stupidity and madness…

I’ve only really listed the tip of the iceberg here as far as how difficult this has been.

But, rest assured, I’m holding strong, and God is good.

Some people want incentive to donate sometimes… so, AS incentive, if you DO donate and you WANT it… I’ll be sending everyone who donates more than 10$ (more than… yes, 10.01 counts) a little piece of jewelry (a ring or a pair of bobby pins or something)… just to say thanks. ^_^ If you don’t want to donate, but want to help, you can always buy something from my shop!

https://www.etsy.com/people/Lisaslittleluxuries?ref=si_pr

Feel free to ask me ANY questions that you want and thank you so much!

 

UP IN ARMS OVER FREEDOM

Guuuuiz… 

I don’t know anymore. I just don’t know. I didn’t even know how to start this entry, which is why I’m having a difficult time doing so. 

Listen… 

Facebook is blowing up with this story –
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/05/06/watch-what-happens-when-one-parent-speaks-out-at-a-school-board-meeting-about-a-controversial-book-assigned-to-his-daughter/

As someone who has multiple facebooks, I can tell you that this story is being thrown about here, there and everywhere… 

But what’s really amazing to me is the comments that this story is getting. 

Right and left, the biggest issue that I see people complaining about is the father and his lack of “educating his young daughter” about sex and rape…

Does this seem odd to you? Think about it. This story breaks, and everyone is ultra concerned that the dad won’t let a sexually explicit (debatable) part in a book because he has NOT educated her about sex and rape…

I have several issues with these comments and have in fact been flamed a few times for my comments regarding the story and what happened. 

The first one is that the commentators are ASSUMING that the father HASN’T educated his daughter about sex and rape… No where in the video that I’ve seen four or five times does the father say, “Um, excuse me, yeah…hi…my daughter is so totally virginal that we cover her ears when someone says the “S” word… yeah, we also tell her to plug them and hum if someone says pee pee or poo poo…” No, you will not find this in any of the transcript regarding what was said at the meeting. 

Why is it then that people are making SUCH a big deal over this? No one is saying that the girl is not educated in sex and rape… in fact, I can tell you that being a virgin for 24 years before I was married (where I lost my virginity), I actually knew MORE about sex and rape than several people my age HAVING sex, INCLUDING my own mother who lived through the seventies. 

My SECOND issues is this-… why is this video being turned on the father as being the “BAD GUY” ? 

The father simply didn’t want someone OTHER than him or his family to give his daughter material that was explicit… it’s HIS opinion, it’s HIS child! 

My THIRD issue… Everyone is focusing on the WRONG thing in this story… What we all NEED to be talking about is why is it that a man who was not SCREAMING or even YELLING but instead voicing his opinion about the content of something given to his daughter being ARRESTED? Furthermore, why is everyone sitting there looking like scared sheep… ???

THAT is the conversation that we need to be having. It really is. 

Why is it that in a room full of several people no one said, “This is America, it’s a free country, he has the right to voice his opinion and argue a subject regarding his own children without the fear or threat of being arrested… ” ??? Why is it that instead they all look like they’re literally terrified of being whipped or arrested or heaven forbid even SHOT? 

Are we all becoming that TRAINED? 

Seriously… think about this… 

You might not agree with WHAT he stood up for… but if this is what happens when you stand up for anything ESPECIALLY pertaining to your own children… what kind of country do we live in?